


A Destiny Forged in Erebor

by DevBasaa



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Durincest, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Soul Bond, sibcest, social prejudice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:13:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevBasaa/pseuds/DevBasaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fili and Kili discover their mutual attraction, Kili couldn’t be happier and thinks Fili’s worries are unnecessary.  But he quickly learns that to keep this bond strong, they will have to fight for each other against village dwarves, men and even their family.  </p><p>As Fili and Kili learn more about their family's history and the lore of the Erebor dwarves, their own story becomes deeper and more complicated.</p><p>Art commissioned from <a href="http://destiny.ponderosa121.com/">Ponderosa121</a>: <a href="http://devbasaa.tumblr.com/post/53877129625/i-am-delighted-to-share-the-kili-fili-fanart-that">A Passionate Kiss</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> My actual head-canon is that the dwarves are a very ‘male dwarf on male dwarf’ positive society. But for the purposes of this fic, it is not…exactly. I didn’t expect it to go this way, but here we are. I don’t do bastardizations, so even though some characters struggle with Fili & Kili’s relationship, they do so out of well-meaning love, if perhaps misguided.

~*~

The night had become a blur.

Fili remembered sword training with Mister Dwalin that afternoon, watching with pride as his younger brother had nearly bested their teacher. He remembered the invite to the tavern and meeting friends of Dwalin’s, of hearing old stories made new by fresh voices, tales of Thorin and the battle at Moria. He knew the ale had run freely for many, many hours.

But then his memory became foggy and the tavern room too often had spun around him. But Kili was always there. Kili laughed at his side and kept him upright with his arm. Kili sat close and his touch was never far away.

And that only made it worse.

The touches were innocent; Fili knew that. This was his brother, his darling, dear, fiery brother who couldn’t know how he was too close and touched too often and how Fili had far too much ale in him to keep his traitorous thoughts at bay. He tried to stay distracted; with a slur in his voice, he’d asked for a story to be told again, about his mother’s brother whom he adored like a father, hoping it would make him think of honor and family heritage and force away thoughts of what he should not desire.

But then Kili was so close again, hand on his thigh, face flushed and so, so near.

Time had lost meaning. He knew Kili lay heavily against him, but how long had they been there? How much had Fili drank? He felt Kili’s hot breath ghost across his neck, again and again, and then the tavern laughter seemed suddenly distant as Kili fisted his shirt-front, levering himself up so they were face to face. Then Kili asked him something, but Fili didn’t know what. He could only hear his own heart pounding and feel his treacherous body respond.

But then Mister Dwalin had slapped Fili hard on the back and told them they were surely done for the night. Dwalin talked of too much ale drunk by lads too young to handle it. Fili absently realized how quiet the room had become as Mister Dwalin gathered him and Kili together and ushered them out the door—though Fili couldn’t remember the walk home.

He did remember being dumped on his pallet bed and the odd exchange between Dwalin and Kili that had Kili pushing Dwalin from the room saying, “It’s fine, we’re fine, just go.”

And so it was as Kili helped him undress that it happened. It was the touch again, the way Kili innocently rested his hand at Fili’s hip, as if maybe to help him turn over, Fili wasn’t sure, but all the things he’d been fighting: the desires and passion, the need and want and all the wrong things because it was his brother, broke free of the dam Fili had built.

He grabbed Kili’s hand and pulled him against his chest. He thought he said something about how beautiful his brother was and then he kissed him. Not the soft, chaste kisses of their youth or even the occasional, comforting kiss to the forehead or cheek, but a kiss to that wild mouth, parted by his tongue as he pushed Kili into his bed.

Did Kili fight him? He couldn’t remember. Maybe it was the shock of it all. But then he had Kili’s breaches down and he was sucking his cock and sliding his finger inside him to touch that one spot, the way he’d learned from Marwir maybe a year or two ago which had started this insane desire. He did remember Kili erupting into his mouth, the salty, muskiness of it and he remembered the tight grip Kili had in his hair, but it had to be Kili trying to pull him away, wasn’t it?

Wasn’t it?

~*~

Bang. BANG BANG! “Lads, get up!”

With a start, Fili sat up and immediately wished he hadn’t. The room spun and a horrible feeling swirled in his belly. And his head throbbed, oh by Durin, how it throbbed. Fili held his head and twisted to plant his bare feet on the floorboards. The coolness felt good for a moment, but only a moment.

“Are you going to be sick?”

Fili turned. Certainly, he’d woken with Kili in his bed many times—after storms when they were dwarflings, or warm naps after roughhousing in the neighboring field—but not like this. Not Kili naked with mussed hair and swollen lips. And still, Durin help him, looking so beautiful.

“Oh, Mahal.” If Fili wasn’t going to be sick before, he was now. It all rushed back to him: what he thought and what he’d done. Oh Mahal, what he’d done!

There wasn’t time to say anything. Fili pitched himself forward, thankful for his breeches and a quick escape to the privy. The cool morning air staved off retching until he fell to his knees before the wooden seat and his stomach let go. It felt awful, but he knew he deserved the pain and the discomfort. How was he ever going to make amends for this? Could it ever be the same between him and Kili?

It was these thoughts that were tumbling over themselves when Fili staggered back to the house. But worse than seeing Kili waiting for him, it was his mother. She leaned against the doorframe, rubbing her hands in her apron. She’d been up early polishing stones, as she always did.

“You have company.”

Fili rubbed his forehead. “I do?”

“Aye. You and Kili do. Mister Dwalin seemed worried ‘bout you lads. Something happen that I should know about?”

Fili shrugged. “Too much ale? Is that so surprising?”

Fili’s mother raised one brow. “No. If that’s all it was.”

“That’s all.” All he’d admit to, anyway.

“Well, I’m serving Dwalin some morning meade in the kitchen. Make yourself right and go see to him.”

Fili nodded and slowly made his way back to his room, only to hear his mother call after him: “And be thankful Thorin is two towns away for another fortnight.”

“Aye.” And for that, he was thankful. Thorin could read Fili like a book and always had. Kili could lie to him like a whoring skinflint and never bat an eyelash, but Fili knew he had some kind of tell that always gave him away. Thorin could stay away until this was sorted out.

At the door to his room, Fili hesitated. What could he say? What would Kili say? But then a scrape of wood against wood in the next room over told Fili that his brother had already retreated to his own space and so Fili rushed inside his room and closed the door tight. His heart pounded. How was he ever going to go see Mister Dwalin?

But he also knew better than to keep Throin’s dear friend waiting. Fili changed into light breeches, undershirt and put on his favorite leather vest. It was one that Kili had helped him pick out and, for a moment, he considered taking it back off. He wasn’t worthy of it, but it also reminded him of a softer moment with his brother, of their friendship, of something Fili dearly hoped wasn’t forever lost.

Steeling himself, Fili found Dwalin at the kitchen table and Kili sitting beside him. Both men stood when he entered.

“Mother’s gone out,” Kili said, with an urgency that startled Fili. He realized he felt like a cornered animal, but one without defenses, left only to cower and hope for the best. He nodded and pulled out a seat for himself. Kili sat too, surprisingly pulling his chair closer to Fili’s. Dwalin, however, started to pace.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about you two! Thorin will have my head! To hear such a thing in the tavern.” Dwalin stopped and faced them. “Are you crazy?”

Then Kili said, “It was my fault.”

“Damn straight it was your fault!” Dwalin started pacing again. “If I hadn’t gotten you two out of there then, I don’t know what would have happened.”

Fili watched Dwalin pace; he saw Kili’s nervousness and felt he’d missed some part of this tale. Hadn’t he been there, though? Did Kili tell Dwalin about what’d happened between them? But that wasn’t Kili’s fault, not by a long shot!

Fili shook his head. “Wait—“ He looked at Kili. “What was your fault?”

Kili’s eyes widened. “You don’t remember?”

Dwalin waved his large paw of a hand. “Best keep it forgotten, then, lad. Best forgotten.” He stopped pacing and stared at Fili. “Are you better today? Don’t have the ale sickness?”

But Kili answered before Fili even opened his mouth. “Yes, he’s better.”

And anything further Fili wanted to say was shut down by Kili’s tight, warning grip to his thigh. But Dwalin was no fool and he eyed them both with such uncertainty, that Fili wouldn’t have been shocked if he announced he was sending for Thorin immediately—but, Fili realized, he wasn’t sure exactly why.

Dwalin’s gaze narrowed a moment and then he sighed. “All right, then. You lads…you be careful, all right?”

“Of course!”

Fili thought Kili’s answer was a bit too cheerful for the circumstances, and the questioning look on Dwalin’s face said he agreed.

But then Dwalin was gone. Their mother was at the market. 

And they were alone.

Fili couldn’t hold himself together any longer. With a sob, he dropped his head into his open palms, covering his face. “Kili...I’m so sorry, I never should have…it…shouldn’t have been.”

“Shhh, it’s all right.”

Fili felt a firm, rubbing touch to his shoulder and back. Was Kili trying to comfort him? No, that’s not how it should be at all! Frowning, Fili looked up at his brother. “But it’s not all right! What I did to you—it’s not how brothers should act.”

Kili hadn’t moved his hand from Fili’s shoulder. “I know.” For Fili, though, the room spun a little again. This wasn’t the reaction he’d expected. Kili tipped his head to one side, as if studying Fili. Again Fili had that sensation that he was missing some larger part of this picture. 

“You really don’t remember what happened at the tavern?” Kili finally asked.

“No.”

“Then—then why did you…do what you did?”

At that question, Fili felt his face grow hot. It was the question he’d been dreading. How to explain? It seemed a terrible burden to lay on Kili to say he’d desired him for over a year. But Fili had never outright lied to his brother, his best friend, his…everything. He knew he should be honest, then he could take the punishment he deserved. He’d leave; he’d no longer be a threat. It would be better to explain it like that.

Fili stood; he couldn’t face the disgust that Kili might show him. He held onto the kitchen archway; the room seemed to darken around him.

“I-I know I can’t live here anymore, after what I did to you. It’s not fair to you or our family. I’ve struggled and tried to do right by you, but I lost control. I’ve lusted after you for some time and I deserve whatever comes next. I think—“

“You lusted after me?”

Fili swallowed hard and hung his head. “Please don’t make me say it again. I am unworthy to call myself a brother to anyone.”

“Fili—“

“And I should leave this house. Our mother trusted me—“

“Fili!”

Much to Fili’s shock, Kili arrived at his side, turning him back around. Instead of disgust on Kili’s face, Fili saw him smiling. “Do you want to know what happened at the tavern?”

Fili again felt confused, and this was only making his headache worse. “Yes?”

“I propositioned you. Loudly.”

“You what?”

“I asked you to suck my cock. In the middle of the tavern.” Kili laughed. “I thought Dwalin was going to fall over dead right there.”

Fili couldn’t help it; the thought of massive, strong Dwalin falling over made him laugh. “I’m surprised he didn’t.”

“He dragged us from there to save our—or more likely, Thorin’s—honor. It did get a bit awkward in there at that moment.”

“I imagine so. But Kili—“ Only Kili quieted Fili with a brush of his fingers against Fili’s cheek.

“And this morning, how you were, I thought maybe I’d tricked you into something. You were so upset.” For as sweet and mature as Kili’s voice was in that moment, in the next he’d brightened like a child receiving gifts on his naming day. “But you’ve lusted after me!”

Fili rubbed his forehead. “I thought I’d taken you by force. You shouldn’t look this happy.”

Kili gripped him at both shoulders. “But I am! Don’t you see? This is what we’ve both wanted. We only had to be drunk enough to figure it out.”

The kiss startled Fili. He felt he’d spent the whole morning struggling to keep up with every word sent his way and his mind still spun from the effects of too much ale last night. So Kili’s firm, probing kiss shocked a gasp from him and a soft moan, too, as Kili took that chance for a deeper kiss, their tongues touching and sending delights through Fili’s body like he’d never known. Kissing dwarf women wasn’t like this; Marwir’s kiss wasn’t at all like this!

They both were breathless when they parted. Fili stared into his brother’s beautiful eyes; he saw the delight there and it worried him.

“But—“ he started, “But Kili, it’s not that simple.”

“It’s that simple to me.”

Though gently, Fili pushed away from his brother. It felt so good to have him that close, to have him in his arms, but Kili didn’t seem to understand. They weren’t betroths that suddenly discovered they actually felt love between them; they were both male—brothers at that! It couldn’t be that simple!

Fili put a few paces between him and Kili. He braced himself, gripping the back of the chair Dwalin had sat in earlier. Dwalin’s anger made so much sense now and he didn’t even really know what was truly happening, only barely aware of what a crazy turn the line of Durin had suddenly taken. 

Fili shook his head. “Is it really that simple? How is this so light to you? Kili, I’ve struggled! I thought I had become some horrible dwarf to want such a thing as my _little brother_ —“

“I am not little! I’m taller than you!”

Fili wanted to roll his eyes. “You know what I mean. This is not normal.”

“Who’s to say that?” Kili crossed the kitchen to stand at Fili’s side again. “I’ve never known a time that I didn’t want to be close to you. I’ve known for years that I wanted to lie with you, to touch you—“

Fili’s gaze widened. “For years?”

“Yes.” For the first time since this strange conversation started, Kili appeared hesitant. He tipped his head to one side, his dark hair spilling over his shoulder. “How, well—have you known long?”

Fili rubbed his forehead again, remembering. “Maybe a year and 3 months? It-it started with Marwir. It was just supposed to be a wrestling match. Only, he and I couldn’t best each other, so we kept trying and trying. At some point, everyone else had left. You were hunting with Thorin, I had nothing better to do. We kept going at it, and then—he kissed me.”

Kili sat down hard in the chair. “I already hate him.”

This time, Fili did roll his eyes. “Be serious.” Fili hadn’t thought of this incident in such a long time. It had come to him last night in a drunken haze, but only to remember what had been done to him so he could give his brother that pleasure. As he thought about it, about everything that came with the memory, he paced around the kitchen.

“I didn’t stop him, I had all this...energy. We did things and while I enjoyed them, I felt badly after. As if I’d wasted something. And then you came home and you climbed right into my bed, like the fool you are, and then you and I were wrestling while you told me about your hunt and I just knew then. If I could have touched you then like Marwir did to me, I would have done it.”

“I wished you had.”

Fili stopped pacing. “Kili!”

Kili shot up from his seat and again took Fili by the shoulders. “Don’t be embarrassed, brother! I remember that.” He leaned close to whisper: “You were even hard for me and I felt it.”

Fili knew his face had flushed bright red. He’d forgotten that; he had been hard and half the wrestling match had been trying to keep Kili from knowing it. Well, that effort had failed.

Kili rubbed Fili’s arms, idle; Fili could tell by the distance in Kili’s gaze that he too was remembering. 

“If I’d had any inkling what was really on your mind, then, I would have done something about it. I just figured I’d woken you from some dream about—well, maybe Lyindra?”

Fili sighed. Lyindra. Of course Kili would have thought Fili’s dreams had been about her. Not because they ever were, but because so many dwarves wanted that to be so. Even Fili. But no matter how much Lyindra, or Thorin or their mother, had wanted it to be so, Fili couldn’t even feign a real interest.

“No, never Lyindra.” Fili lifted his hand, then hesitated. It’s as if his hand had a will of its own and wanted to touch Kili in a more intimate manner, but Fili stopped it out of fear. Only, what was there to fear in this moment? They were alone. Kili would welcome such a touch and Fili desperately wanted to give it. With a soft smile, he cupped Kili’s cheek and was rewarded by the gentle lean of his brother’s head into his hand. 

“She was always so upset that I kept bringing you along. Strange that I didn’t see it then. I thought you were far more interesting than her and the only company I honestly wanted to keep.”

Fili drew Kili closer by his cheek and their next kiss was softer, slower. But the feelings were no less for it. Firelight seemed to be erupting throughout Fili’s body at the slide of Kili’s lips against his own. He shivered when Kili pushed his hand into his hair and squeezed his nape.

They were left breathless again when they parted.

“See?” Kili said, in a whisper. “It’s as it should be. As it’s meant to be. I love you, brother, and I am not worried about what anyone else thinks.”

“Oh you aren’t?” Fili considered cuffing his brother’s ear as he’d done when they were dwarflings. Kili still didn’t seem to grasp what troubles lay ahead of them with these confessions. “That’s good, then,” he started, with a little sneer. “When mother comes back, you’ll tell her? You’ll be the one to say what’s happening between us?”

“I didn’t say it was actually anyone else’s business. Mother doesn’t need to know.”

Fili thought he should untangle himself from Kili, pace again, try to reason with him. But he didn’t move; he couldn’t anymore. Standing there, Kili’s hands at his waist, his own hand buried in Kili’s hair, it did feel “as it should be”, how Kili had said. Fili rubbed his knuckle against Kili’s stubbled cheek. Some logical part of him said he should run, that he should tell Thorin he could be a liaison with the Iron Mountain dwarves and go there for all their sakes. He’d thought of it before, when these feelings for Kili first gripped him. He’d wanted to run so far away. Yet he couldn’t bear to leave his dear brother. 

Now he couldn’t even stray from his touch.

But he had to make Kili acknowledge the gravity of their newfound situation; it was not, as Kili had said, at all simple.

“Please hear me. Dwarves will talk. They will see us together and they will draw conclusions that are not wrong. There will never be another Lyindra in my life to keep gossip at bay. Is that fair to mother? To Thorin? We are of a noble heritage—I know we haven’t really experienced that, but—“

Fili noticed a hardening of Kili’s jaw. “If we are noble, then our decisions should be respected.”

Fili started to say something more, but Kili touched his lips and the look in Kili’s eyes surprised Fili. Kili was a dwarf lad on the brink of adulthood. For every three moments he acted like a child of his years, he would have a moment of such wizened clarity, it stilled Fili to silence.

Kili leaned closer, speaking softly. “This is all you need to know. I love you. I love you the way father loved mother and I have no doubt of it and not a single dwarf’s opinion is going to change that. The only thing holding me back was the belief that you would never see me that way. But you do. You love me, right?”

Fili shivered. “I love you. Mahal save me, but I love you with a passion that frightens me sometimes.”

Kili’s small smile widened and he squeezed Fili’s nape again, then drew him so that their foreheads touched. “I am the same, brother. This is good, please believe that.”

Finally, Fili nodded and closed his eyes. “Aye, I will try.”

~*~

The next several days were like a dream to Fili. He kept his focus at the forge the best he could and if anyone thought he seemed distracted, they didn’t say. He caught glimpses of Kili through each work day, as Kili had an apprenticeship with a dwarf loyal to Thorin, and was just learning the ropes. Fili thought his brother had come up with more than the usual amount of reasons to cross into the smithy and cast a smile towards Fili, but, again, it seemed that no one noticed. Perhaps Kili had been right; it was no one’s business but their own.

But if the days were like dreams, then the nights were pure ecstasy. 

It didn’t seem odd at all to sneak about from one to the other’s room each night. It felt like being young dwarflings again, playing at mischief, but of a completely different nature indeed. Their mother only commented that their spirits were high and how happy that made her.

Kili gave Fili a look to say, “See, everyone’s happy,” but Fili kept further comment to himself. She wouldn’t be happy, not really; he knew that even if Kili didn’t.

But the nights made up for any worries Fili could think of during the day. At night, lying in bed with his brother, touching each bit if his beautiful flesh, kissing him to rare silence and enjoying as much the sweet tenderness of stroking Kili’s hair as the power and passion of stroking Kili’s cock, nothing did seem to matter then. Not their mother, not Dwalin and the looks he still sometimes passed towards them, not the looming threat of Thorin’s return or the growing unease Fili felt when in market with his affectionate brother.

No, the nights made up for all of that, every night becoming a sparkling memory Fili knew he’d hold onto until his last days: Kili atop him, straddling and taking Fili into himself with a wild, rocking motion, or Kili curled behind him, holding his leg aloft as he pressed into Fili again and again until Fili cried out with abandon. Or the night they took turns using only their mouths until, near asleep, they lay facing each other kissing softly, holding the other so close that Fili wasn’t sure where he ended and Kili began and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Each night Kili, either with words or actions, reminded Fili that the risk was worth it. Their love was worth everything.

But half a fortnight after the night at the tavern, Fili felt something change. Not between him and Kili—that remained perfect—but around them.

“What are you doing over here, lad?”

“Eh?”

Fili watched one of the older dwarves approach Kili. Other workers didn’t have a need or, honestly, a desire to talk to apprentices. Those young dwarves belonged to their mentor and remained that dwarf’s business. Fili figured Kili had been startled to be spoken to at all.

“Why you keep comin’ over here. Master Hogur is on that side of the forge.”

Fili decided long ago that Kili didn’t know fear. Whatever self-preservation inkling that every other dwarf and man knew, it lay dormant in Kili. He lifted his chin and scowled.

“I do as I need. And, aye, that IS Master Hogur’s business, not yours.”

Fili set down his hammer, ready to step in if needed, but other than a sneer from the old dwarf, Kili received nothing more from him and he was left back to his own business.

Before he left the area, though, Kili darted Fili a glance and Fili gave him a nod. They’d have to talk about this later.

And though Kili didn’t see it, Fili noticed the hard stare that came his way, too.

~~*~~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Bound by Something Greater](http://archiveofourown.org/works/718601) is a side-story to this part that tells of Fili and Kili's first time, set the night after their confessions.


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Fili and Kili discover their mutual attraction, Kili couldn’t be happier and thinks Fili’s worries are unnecessary. But he quickly learns that to keep this bond strong, they will have to fight for each other against village dwarves, men and even their family.

~*~

“I don’t see why it matters.”

Fili bumped into Kili when Kili stopped suddenly to pick up and sniff an apple. The market place bustled around them: men and dwarves, cattle and wares. The road was lined with stalls and carts, men with their produce, women with linens and woven baskets; dwarves with finely crafted metals, from pots to jewelry, all for sale each afternoon to evening, always busiest when the forges and masons let out for the day.

Fili nudged his brother forward. “It matters. They’re noticing that you’re coming over more than before.”

Kili shrugged as he walked to the next stall, picked up a small melon and sniffed that, too. “I’m coming to see my brother, what difference does that make?”

“Because it’s a change. They notice.”

Kili made a dismissive noise. “He never would have said a word to me if Thorin were there.”

Taking Kili at the elbow, Fili steered him onward. They’d promised their mother they’d pick up greens on their way home. Apples and melons were not near the greens. “Thorin isn’t always going to be there, so you have to be cautious.”

“I see nothing wrong with it. Any dwarf should respect a family line.” Kili stopped again, this time to turn and look at Fili, though Fili still managed to bump into him as a tall, large woman pushed him aside, cursing at them for blocking the way. “I can come see you if I like, no one should care.”

“Keep moving.” Fili shoved his brother forward; he received a hard punch to his arm for his trouble. Nothing new: he’d long learned to handle his brother’s punches.

Trying to drive sense into Kili over this was like reasoning with a stone troll. He had Throin’s stubbornness and certainty of will. Though, Fili also appreciated Kili’s determination. He had Kili to thank for every moment of happiness he’d felt these past several days—not just because they involved Kili, but because if not for Kili’s sheer fortitude that they be together, Fili would have caved to his worries and fears over discovery; he would have fled to the Iron Mountains and berated himself for loving his brother.

At the produce cart they were aiming for, Kili jumped right in selecting the sorts of leaves their mother wanted, asking after a new variety and even haggling on price. Fili stood close behind him, amused at the exchange and proud of his little brother’s dealings. But then he heard them, three lady dwarves at the next cart over. They weren’t even trying to keep their voices down, though they at least went through the act of leaning close as if to whisper.

“I heard the youngest is a wanton one,” said the dwarf with tiny braids dangling from her chin. “Said something quite salacious at the tavern the other night—to his brother, no less. Thorin Oakenshield’s shield guard took them out back and beat them for it, I was told.”

“Well, I’m hardly surprised, everyone knows the elder one is right backwards when it comes to the female kind, no one’s allowed near him but family.”

“Aye, maybe the whole family goes that way. All that royal blood, you know what comes of that!”

The laughter that followed ran through Fili’s body like ice water in his veins. Fili realized that the second dwarf talking was Lyindra’s mother’s sister and had been one of the dwarves who really hoped for a match between Fili and her niece.

Fili saw himself at that moment, standing so close to his brother that he’d even looped his fingers into the back of Kili’s belt, keeping him near. For all his chastising of Kili, one look at Fili and conclusions could be easily drawn. It also occurred to him that this was his chance, his sparkling if sad opportunity to draw Kili’s attention to the gossip, to make him hear the things being said of their family. Force him to face the realities of their bond.

But, he didn’t. 

It was a selfish move; he knew that. But in that moment he realized it didn’t really matter what the other dwarves might say. He didn’t want Kili to doubt him, doubt their love. He wanted—no, needed Kili’s confidence in their new-found relationship because, even for all this fears and worries, he didn’t want his bond with Kili to end. And if that meant he had to have faith in Kili and learn to ignore everyone but him, then that’s what Fili would do.

“Fili?”

Fili jolted from his distraction and smiled to reassure his brother. Kili held aloft his prize, a well-priced bundle of greens for their mother and a small basket of root vegetables.

“In case she wants to make stew.”

Fili raised one brow. “Because you want her to make stew.”

Kili shrugged. “Either, or.”

Fili chuckled as they turned for home. He didn’t spare a glance for the gossiping dwarves and what they might think, he simply put an arm around his brother’s shoulders and squeezed him close—as any brother would. Let them think what they may.

~*~

After dinner, Fili sat at the fireplace, smoking his pipe—a treasured gift from Thorin—and watched the flames smolder over the logs. He didn’t sit alone for long. Kili came and settled at his feet, resting his chin on Fili’s outstretched leg.

“Are you all right? You’ve been quiet all afternoon.”

He had, Fili realized. He’d been turning over his thoughts since the market. He took such pride in being from the Durin line, of being Thorin Oakenshield’s nephew, that it surprised him he could so easily decide that it all didn’t matter.

But as he looked down at Kili, he realized that it wasn’t that those things no longer mattered, just that the dwarf sitting before him mattered more.

“I’m sorry. I have a lot to think about these days, is all.”

Kili crossed his arms against Fili’s leg. “Do I want to know about it?”

With a chuckle, Fili said, “I think you already do.”

But Kili frowned. “No, I mean—“ He stopped when their mother came into the room, grabbed something off the table and then returned to the kitchen. She barely glanced their way.

Kili looked back up at Fili. “You’re having second thoughts.”

Fili reached for a lock of Kili’s hair, twirling it in his fingers. “Actually, no, that’s what I keep thinking about. That even though maybe I should be having second thoughts, I’m not.”

Kili closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, then smiled as he looked back up at Fili. “I’m glad. You were so quiet, I worried.”

“I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Fili brushed his fingers against Kili’s cheek and felt the reward of Kili’s smile. He’d always loved his brother’s smiles, so bright and given without hesitation, but he learned of a different smile from Kili these last several days. It was softer, intimate and meant only for Fili.

But then Kili’s tender smile took a twist that Fili usually only saw in their beds. Kili shifted to his knees. “You didn’t sit next to me during supper.”

Fili shook his head. “Mother took that seat.”

Running his hand slowly up Fili’s thigh, Kili inched closer. “It made me crazy. I wanted to touch you.”

“You’re touching me now.”

“Aye.” With two simple moves, Kili climbed over Fili’s leg so that he kneeled between Fili’s knees. He inched himself forward. “That I am.”

“Kili, what are you doing?”

“You look very handsome in firelight, did you know? Like you do in the smithy.” Kili tipped his head to one side, his hands carefully sliding up the inside of Fili’s legs. “That’s why I come to see you. To see your skin glow near the fires and coals. But you sweat there and it makes you prettier.”

Fili’s breath hitched. “Mother’s in the next room.”

Kili laid his hands on the ties of Fili’s trousers. “So keep quiet.”

Fili knew he should be stopping this. They were in the middle of the parlor! They’d just had a pleasant supper with their mother! But the way Kili looked at him, the things he’d said and the way he’d slowly approached like a cat hunting a mouse, Fili leggings had quickly become uncomfortably tight. He couldn’t bring himself to limit his brother’s passion because, he knew, he desperately wanted it too.

Kili nudged his nose against the bulge at Fili’s groin, rubbing it with his cheek and hands. Fili gasped and dropped his head against the tall chair-back. His body ached with need; his breath had quickened. His legs trembled with each touch and caress. Then Kili slowly, deliberately, pulled apart the leather ties and drew down Fili’s linens until he was fully exposed. Fili lifted his head again to watch and he couldn’t miss the delight in his brother’s eyes.

In a whisper, Kili said, “So beautiful, brother,” before he slowly drew his tongue up the underside of Fili’s arousal. Then took him into his mouth.

Fili clenched the armrests of the chair. His pipe clattered to the floor, easily forgotten; Fili spared a brief hope that the noise wouldn’t draw their mother into the room.

Kili wasn’t as quiet as he should be, either, moaning softly as he drew on his brother’s cock, his hair dusting Fili’s skin with each bob of his head, adding another torment to all the pleasures. 

By far, this wasn’t the first time Kili had done such a thing to Fili. But the excitement of sitting in the parlor, the threat of being discovered, and the beautiful sight of his brother against the backdrop of the fireplace made so many sensations and emotions swirl inside Fili’s body that it didn’t take him long to climax. 

He groaned deep as Kili sat back on his heels, finishing him off with a few strokes of his fist. Fili watched himself erupt over Kili’s hand, a smug look on his brother’s face.

“I love how you look when you do that.”

“You’ve seen it enough this week. You haven’t tired of it?”

Kili raised one brow, grinning. “I’ll never tire of it.”

Kili then levered himself up and Fili knew what he was after. Fili leaned forward for what could have been a simple kiss, but took his brother’s chin in hand and kissed him deeply, fiercely, putting every emotion he was feeling into that kiss. Kili moaned and Fili could hear the need in his voice.

Breathless when they parted, Fili said, “I need to return the favor.”

“That you do.”

Then they heard their mother’s call: “Kili!”

Panic seized them both. Kili fell backwards to sit at Fili’s feet while Fili rushed to put right his clothes. His leggings were wet and he pulled out his shirt to cover his lap.

Their mother appeared at the doorway from the kitchen. She wiped her hands in her apron, though it was clearly soaked from the kitchen basin.

“Kili, go on out back with the axe. I need more hot water to wash these pots.”

Kili’s whole body seemed to sag. “Must I?”

Their mother tipped her head to the side, the same way Kili always did. “No, I suppose you have options. You can either go out and chop wood or you can wash these pots yourself, and with cold water at that. Is that what you want?”

Kili sighed. “No.”

“Then leave your brother’s side for five minutes and go chop me some wood.”

She didn’t move from the doorway, watching as Kili climbed to his feet. The arousal Fili had seen stretching Kili’s leggings had subsided enough that it wasn’t noticeable. Fili could also see in Kili’s eyes that he didn’t want to be pulled away from Fili just then. And it felt that way to Fili, too, like his heart was being torn from his chest. They’d always had the chance to be close, to kiss and touch after such intimacy; it felt wrong to be even a yard away from each other. At first Kili hesitated, his gaze lingering on Fili, then he finally seemed to accept their mother’s order and headed out into the yard, grabbing the axe on his way out the door.

Fili rested back into the chair, continuing to catch his breath. What they’d done, with their mother in the next room... He swore, Kili knew no fear at all.

“I think you should go clean yourself up, there.”

Fili startled and turned around in the chair. He’d forgotten that his mother still stood at the kitchen door; he figured she’d gone back into the other room. But then her words sunk in. 

_Clean up_.

Fili’s gaze widened as he stared at his mother. “Uh, I…”

His mother rubbed her thumb on her chin. “You’ve got some stew on your beard.”

The relief was huge. Fili tried not to be so obvious about it, but he did slump back against the chair. “Oh, aye, thank you. I will.”

His mother nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen. After another moment, Fili stood and straightened his clothes, pulling his shirt down over the stain on his leggings. But as he headed for the back-room wash basin, he caught his reflection in his mother’s prized, Erebor made mirror.

There was no stew on his beard. His face was perfectly clean.

He darted an uneasy glance towards the kitchen before hurrying back to his room. 

~*~

TBC...


	3. Part III

~*~

Fili had tried to convince him that their mother knew of the change in their relationship, but Kili didn’t see it. Their mother had a temper like a dragon when she wanted and never lacked for an opinion on anything. If she honestly knew, she never would have been so coy about it.

At least, that’s how Kili saw it.

She also had ample opportunity to speak her piece the morning Master Hogur had taken ill. 

As an apprentice, Kili couldn’t be at the forge without his mentor and, a fortnight ago, he would have been trilled at the unexpected reprieve. But standing at the door, watching Fili go off without him was more painful than he would have guessed.

He plopped himself at the kitchen table, crossed his arms and put his head down.

His mother settled across from him. “Is it really as bad as all that?”

She probably meant about missing a day of his apprenticeship, not being away from Fili all day.

“It is.” He gave the answer he felt in his gut.

Kili felt his mother toy with a few strands of his hair, brushing them away from his face. “It’s been a very long time since you helped me around the home. Not since you were a half-grown dwarfling.”

With a sigh, Kili lifted his head. “You’re going to make me clean, aren’t you.”

His mother chuckled and it made Kili smile. For a moment, Kili studied her face. She had dark hair as he did—though with white streaks that multiplied a bit more each year—but the shape of her chin and the way she wore braids that dangled from her jaw-line, Kili realized how much Fili took after her. Kili had always thought that Fili looked like their poor, deceased father with his golden blonde hair, but it wasn’t so. No, it was Fili’s face in hers, which Kili recognized was why he always thought of his mother as beautiful.

Kili then yelped in pain as his mother flicked her finger against his forehead.

“What is going on in that head of yours, lad?” His mother raised one brow as she shook her head. Then she said, “I have a better idea. Your uncle will be returning in just a few days and I thought I’d make him sapphire stew. So what will I need?”

Kili rubbed his forehead. “Blue potatoes.”

“Which you’ll have to get at that old man’s shop across the village.”

Kili grimaced, refusal on the tip of his tongue. The old man’s shop smelled of something long dead, but never gutted. He sold blocks of milk curds rotted with mold—and some fools bought them! And, worst of all, he talked to dwarves as if they were stupid and had to be instructed like teaching a dwarfling how to put away a toy. Kili couldn’t think of a village shop he hated more.

His mother nodded, clearly aware of his coming rebuttal. “Hm. It’s either that or you stay here and polish stones with me. I owe them to the forge in a matter of days and I’m dearly behind schedule—”

Kili stood up so fast he nearly knocked over the chair. “Aye, I’ll go.” Nothing could be more boring than sitting all day polishing stones.

His mother chuckled again. “I knew you would.”

~*~

Kili had initially wanted to trek to the old man’s shop by way of the forge—nevermind that it put him in the opposite direction to start—but then he thought better of it. He wouldn’t see Fili from the exterior doors and after Fili voiced his worries about drawing attention to themselves, he knew he would be looked at askance if he showed up there today.

Though Kili honestly felt that being a nephew to Thorin Oakenshield should amount to something; it should at least protect them from such gossip! Thorin held a share in that forge and knew many who were loyal to him. Shouldn’t they also feel loyalty to his family? If things were different, if Erebor and the gold hadn’t been stolen from them, Kili would be considered a prince by these same dwarves!

But, as Fili would certainly remind him, things weren’t different and without a kingdom, there was no need for princes.

Honestly, Kili didn’t think about it much. He liked his life and wasn’t bitter (as his mother often accused of Thorin) and his thoughts rarely strayed to what might have been. But if being a prince could protect his relationship with Fili—take away the doubt in Fili’s mind—then he wished it could be different.

Kili arrived at the old man’s shop and, alas, it still smelled of rabbit entrails. Kili wanted to vomit the moment he walked in. But he had a singular task to complete and would be out quickly.

The roots were kept to the back of the shop, so Kili weaved his way through the cluttered aisles, dodging barrels filled with rock salt and grains. He darted around tall men and the occasional portly dwarf. As typical, few dwarves frequented this shop and its condescending owner. But nowhere else could you get blue potatoes—or Eastern berries, for that matter—and sapphire stew was a traditional Erebor meal.

But as Kili turned another corner, he stopped cold. Hanging on the far wall was a large, iron-forged plate depicting a scene from dwarven mines. Kili knew, even at a simple glance, they were the mines of Erebor.

Through the years, their mother had collected as many Erebor artifacts as she could. She told the story of how their family had barely escaped with their lives and had only the clothes on their backs and the blades and jewels that they wore. But there had been some dwarves who lugged out what they could in a frantic escape, only to sell the items later during lean years. It was how she’d obtained her mirror and the small, stone crested chest she kept in her room. They weren’t the actual items of her youth, but they were very similar.

To see something so familiar, so consistent with how his mother and Thorin described Erebor, Kili didn’t have much doubt to what he looked at. He scrambled forward, climbing atop a closed crate of pickled beets to see the details.

It needed a good polish and he could tell where jewels had been pried from the settings, but the scene awed him. There was a throne and the image of his great grandfather sitting upon it, aside that stood another dwarf that Kili figured had to be Thrain, and beside him a young dwarf without a beard: Thorin.

There were many other dwarves, males and a few females, all in the act of work. Some dangled on ropes along the edge of the picture, hammering into the stone. Others sat at carving stations, working on the stones that were collected. There were images of families, a male dwarf standing with his wife, and children seated beside him. Kili leaned even closer. If his eyes did not deceive him, next to the family image there were two dwarves, clearly male, holding hands and depicted looking at each other the same way the male and female dwarves were shown. They looked alike and seemed to be presented as a family.

_Could it be?_

“Can I help you, little one?”

Kili jolted and nearly fell from the crate. He turned to be face to face with the old man owner. He had a narrow head and a toothy grin, breath that stunk and smiled in a way that could only be described as placating.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

If Kili could have growled to make the man back off, he would have. Instead, he took a deep breath, pushed aside his annoyance and said, “Aye, that’s an Erebor artifact, isn’t it?”

The old man tutted. “Now, now, come on down there little lad. Can’t have you hurting yourself.”

The man reached for Kili’s arm, but Kili shrugged it off as he climbed down from crate. He gestured back at the artifact. “The plate, is it for sale?”

The old man’s grin spread wider. “Well, now, that’s quite a big item for you. You didn’t really come in here for that?”

“No, I didn’t know it was here. But it depicts my family, the royal family of Erebor. Is it for sale?”

The man’s smile faded into a small smirk. “It’s for sale. No less than a hundred gold pieces.”

Kili’s gaze widened. “A hundred?” Surely that was a mark-up for his benefit. Yes, it was old, but it was damaged and had been poorly kept. You could buy a good pony to pull your plow for a hundred gold pieces.

The man nodded. “Yes, do you have a hundred gold pieces on you?”

Kili felt his ire rising; he narrowed his gaze. “No, not today. But I’ll be back about it.”

“Of course. What can you _afford_ today, then?”

Speaking with a clenched jaw, Kili grumbled out: “I came here for potatoes, blue potatoes.”

The man’s wide grin returned. “Ah, of course, one of my most popular items among you dwarves. Here, let me. How many will that be?”

It took all Kili had to leave the shop cordially and not draw a blade on the old man. Though, Kili realized, he hadn’t worn his blade. He’d dressed initially for work and didn’t strap on his sheath.

But with a bag of potatoes in hand and his mind spinning with thoughts of the artifact, Kili headed for home. He couldn’t believe what he saw and was eager to tell Fili. It wasn’t just that their family was depicted, but the two dwarves—the two male dwarves holding hands. They could be like them, couldn’t they?

Distracted, Kili turned down the market street just as the owners were setting up for the day. He didn’t really mean to come this way; he tried to avoid the market and its crowds unless he’d come to buy. Accidently, he bumped into a woman and then a man before he decided he’d be better off cutting through the alley to the next street over. He’d be forever working his way through this crowd.

He had another collision, this time with a dwarf, as he turned into the alley. He said his apologies and kept on, eager to be home. Would his mother know more about the plate? Could he discreetly ask about the two dwarves holding hands?

“Hey, I know who you are!”

Kili turned and realized the dwarf he’d run into had called after him. Kili studied his face and decided he didn’t know him in return. But he could at least be polite. “Aye, can I help you with something?”

The other dwarf, a large male who wasn’t much older than Fili, judging by his beard, laughed. “I certainly don’t want your kind of help.” Then the dwarf nodded to someone beyond Kili. “Look who it is, Balfren. The mouthy dwarf from the tavern.”

Kili turned to see another dwarf, a bit taller than the other, coming from the opposite end of the alley.

But while the first dwarf laughed, this one’s face turned an ugly color. “Oi, you little filth. I heard you that night, what you said. You’re lucky that old baldy dragged you out. I was ready to beat those words from your face.”

Kili heaved a sigh. _Idiots_ , he thought. What business was it of theirs what he said to anyone? Smirking, he said, “Aye, sorry for your jealousy, that no one would want to suck the cock of the likes of you.”

The second dwarf’s sneer flew wide and his eyes blazed. “Bastard!” He lunged forward for Kili, but Kili easily dodged him; he’d learned plenty from Dwalin and Thorin through the years.

Kili laughed as he darted forward; he found no sense in staying around for this disaster. But as he started to break into a run, he felt choked and fell backwards off his feet, horse-collared by the other dwarf.

“Not so fast, you little whore. No one talks like that in my presence and gets away with it.”

The punch came before Kili could gain leverage from the grip on his jerkin. It slammed into his eye and stung instantly. But then Kili pitched himself forward, knocking the dwarf off balance with him. They fell to the ground and Kili came back to his feet much faster. He reached for his blade, only to remember again that he’d forgotten it. He cursed silently, then shoved off another lunging grab from the second dwarf.

Maybe it was his meandering thoughts from earlier, or it simply could have been the treatment from the old man. But Kili didn’t want to run away from this anymore and he felt such anger at this awful day.

He realized the two dwarves were circling him. The bustle of the market street beyond paid no mind to the alley. If anyone knew what was happening there, Kili couldn’t tell; perhaps no one cared.

“Hold still, you little cocksucker, while I beat some sense into you.”

Kili sneered. “You would say that to me? To Thorin Oakenshield’s own nephew? Your king?”

The first dwarf laughed. “King of what? This town of men? I think not.”

Together the dwarves came at Kili again. He punched and kicked and laughed as he kept an upper hand on two against one. When one tackled him to the ground, Kili rolled and threw him off, adding a kick to his head for good measure. He swung his leg and sent the other dwarf tumbling and turned to throw another punch as they kept coming at him. He felt teeth give way and gore covered his fist as he drew back for another punch.

He got a good look at them when the one tried to hug him close so the other could throw punches. Their faces were bruised and battered with broken teeth and blood in streams down their chins. The one dwarf held Kili for a moment and the other got in two good hits to Kili’s stomach before Kili kicked himself backwards and threw them both into the wall. The other dwarf must have hit his head, because he had a dazed look as Kili pulled from his slackened arms.

The dwarf left standing let out a crazed yell and barreled at Kili, a desperate effort that Kili could easily dodge, sending that dwarf tripping out of control. But before he could turn and face his other attacker, Kili was tackled from behind. They hit the ground hard, knocking the last breath from Kili’s lungs. Kili wheezed as the dwarf on his back punched at his head and his flanks. Kili struggled to twist out from underneath him.

A call came from the street beyond: “Oi! What’s going on down there?”

“Balfren, c’mon!”

The weight gone from his back, Kili watched his two attackers scramble down the alleyway away from the market street, though one called back: “You’re lucky today, you cocksucking bastard!” as they disappeared around the corner.

Panting, Kili rolled over and sat up to see another dwarf standing at the edge of the alley. It was a dwarf he recognized from the forge, one Kili knew to be very loyal to Thorin. He was a large, hulking dwarf at that, which made an impressive silhouette against the streaming sunlight from the street beyond.

Kili took a long, deep breath—and then grimaced. He felt his injuries now, the excitement of the moment wearing off. Aches creeped up his torso and arms as he worked his way to stand. He had some steadying help from the newcomer.

“You all right there—it’s Kili, isn’t it?”

“Aye. And I’m all right.”

“They try to rob you, lad?”

Kili glanced up at him; he realized he was only seeing him well from one eye, his other eye swollen from that first punch. But he said, “Aye.”

The large dwarf nodded. “The forge closed early today, there was a problem with the main chimney. You should head home to your brother. Do you need a hand?”

Kili shook his head and straightened. “I’ll manage.”

Kili turned to see the bag of potatoes spilled, but unharmed. He gathered them up, thanked his rescuer and headed out of the alleyway, pleased that he didn’t stagger once, though his head had started throbbing. This time, he opted for market street, accepting that there was safety in numbers.

When Kili staggered into his home, it was to his brother and mother talking in the kitchen. For a moment, he thought that something seemed wrong between them, but he didn’t have much chance to listen when his mother gasped, breaking the conversation.

“Kili!” his mother cried. “What happened?”

Kili shook his head and laughed softly as he braced himself against the doorjamb. By Durin, his head throbbed in earnest now and his chest was starting to hurt a bit more. “I met a few fellows who didn’t like me much, but I’m fine.” 

Fili came to his side in the next second; he took him by the arm and guided him to a seat at the kitchen table. At first, Kili was a bit stunned when he felt Fili’s hands caressing over him, but then he realized he was checking him for injuries.

Kili grabbed his hands to still them. “I told you, I’m fine.”

“Who did this to you?” 

The darkness in Fili’s words startled Kili. He looked up at his brother and the intensity in his eyes instantly alarmed him. If Kili even hinted who had attacked him, Fili would find them and he would kill them. There was little doubt of that.

But Kili didn’t want that for his brother. The laws of men were stricter than what dwarves knew. Dwarves would find honor in a brother defending a brother, but men would not and they’d make Fili pay.

Those fools were not worth losing his brother over.

Kili grabbed Fili’s arm and looked him directly in the eyes. “I’m all right. It’s over, I held my own better than they did. You would have been proud.” Then he touched Fili’s face to carry his point. “You don’t go after them, are you listening? You’re not doing anything stupid because of this.”

Fili opened his mouth, clearly ready to argue back, but their mother’s sob disrupted the moment. Kili looked up at her. She’d stood away from the table, one hand pressed to her mouth, and her eyes—Kili realized she looked terrified. But why?

“Mother, I’m all right. Honest. You should see the other dwarves, they look far worse than me.”

She shook her head, clearly fighting back tears and said, “I know, I know,” then left the kitchen for the backyard, letting the door slam shut behind her.

Confused, Kili looked back at his brother and saw that the darkness, at least, had left him. But he hung his head and sighed. “She knows.”

“About us? But—“ Then Kili realized; he took a step away from himself and saw how he and Fili must look. Kili had tucked himself against Fili’s side; Fili nearly had him in an embrace. Then, how they’d acted: Fili’s intensity and anger, and Kili’s fear of his retaliatory plans. They were like passionate lovers from a story.

Kili supposed, in a way, they were.

Their mother had watched them and—as Fili had once said—drew a conclusion that wasn’t wrong. Fili had already said he thought she suspected, and now… But was it really that awful? She looked so devastated, so sad. Kili never dreamed she’d be that _sad_.

“Was she crying?”

“I think so.”

“But—“

Fili shushed him and brushed his fingers over Kili’s cheek. “I have to know. Was it someone from the forge? Did someone there come after you?”

“Huh?” Kili shook his head. “No, it wasn’t like that. I ran into this oaf, literally. He and his friend had been at the tavern.” Then he shrugged. “Seems they heard what I said that night.”

Fili’s face darkened again. “And decided you deserved to be hit for it? Bastards!”

The tension in Fili’s body climbed; Kili could feel it. Kili honestly wondered if he wasn’t holding onto Fili, that he might bolt and go blindly after any dwarf with evidence of a recent beating. Kili put his arms around Fili’s shoulders, hoping to keep him grounded there. “It’s not worth it, Fili. At any rate, I think I broke the one dwarf’s jaw.”

Finally, Fili smiled a little. “That’s my brother.”

They didn’t kiss, though Kili desperately wanted a kiss. But they touched foreheads and Kili found comfort in it. He wished his mother had stayed to see this, to see what joy and care he had with Fili, that it wasn’t all bad, that it wasn’t something to cry over. Couldn’t she see this and understand?

“Bloody hell.”

Slowly, Kili lifted his head. The day refused to improve. In the doorway stood Dwalin, hands on his hips, shaking his head, a fierce scowl on his face. Fili started to pull back, but Kili held tighter, not letting him draw away.

“I came because I heard from Jaben that he’d interrupted a roughing-up. Said he thought it was a robbery at first, then noticed your coin purse still tied to your belt and heard a few choice words from your attackers. Thought I should know since Thorin hasn’t returned yet.” Dwalin spread his hands. “And this is what I find.”

Kili shrugged. “It wasn’t a robbery.”

“No, really?” The sarcasm was thick. Dwalin clenched his jaw, then said, “The tavern. That wasn’t just some drunken, crass remark, was it.”

Kili shook his head and Dwalin cursed in Khuzdul. “You lads can’t take an easy path, not once, can you?”

Fili sighed and tipped his head towards the kitchen door. “Mother’s in the backyard. We think she’s realized it, too.”

“She looked upset,” Kili added.

“Why should she be upset?” Dwalin said as he rounded the kitchen table, gesturing wildly. “Her youngest has just been knocked around and her eldest is holding him like a lass. What’s to be upset about?”

His footfalls became heavier as he turned for the door and then went out into the backyard. Kili felt Fili jump when the door slammed shut this time.

They stayed silent for a long stretch of time. The day turned over again and again in Kili’s mind. All the anger, all the emotion and for what? For being happy? Fili had tried to warn him; he’d tried to make Kili see how strange their bond had become. 

Yet it didn’t it feel strange at all. It felt so natural that Kili struggled to understand the fear in his mother’s eyes and the anger in Dwalin’s voice, or why perfect strangers cared who Kili loved. It should matter that it was his brother that he loved. But, for Kili, it simply didn’t.

Kili could just see the edge of Dwalin’s shoulder through the window. Their mother had escaped to the log they used for splitting wood, just beyond the view from the kitchen table. After another moment, he saw Dwalin reach for her; he was holding her, comforting her. This, no one would question.

Still watching them, Kili asked, “Is it really so awful, what we’re doing?”

Fili didn’t answer immediately. He sighed again and rested his head against Kili’s, which only made a swell of emotion grip Kili’s chest. Oh, it felt so good, twined this way, holding each other for comfort, intimate and secure. All he needed from the world was this. 

Finally, Fili said, “I don’t know. There are many who think it is.”

Kili whispered: “But what do you think?”

There was another long pause before he answered. “I think that I could have stopped this and maybe I should have, but I didn’t. And maybe we are wrong, but I can’t change what I feel now. And...” Fili rubbed Kili’s back. “And I don’t want to.”

Kili breathed a relieved sigh. He knew, from the moment they first kissed, that his biggest fear was that Fili would bow to his worries. He didn’t doubt Fili’s love; he knew that to his core. But that Fili might turn away from his true feelings was a real fear. “I don’t want to, either. Every dwarf in this village can try to take a swing at me and it won’t change anything.”

“And if it’s Thorin who takes the swing?”

With a start, Kili drew back to look his brother in the eye. Was that a joke? But he could see the gravity and trouble in his brother’s face. Yet, Kili still doubted. “He wouldn’t.”

Fili raised one brow. “You’ve yet to really grasp what we’re up against.”

Kili considered: Thorin. His mother’s brother, the man who became like a father when their father died. His liege, his teacher, his uncle, his friend. Thorin meant almost as much to him as Fili. Almost.

“If it’s Thorin, then I let him hit me. But I wake asking for you.”

Fili shook his head, but smiled. He lightly touched Kili’s face and said, “Bloody hell is right.” 

Finally Kili received the kiss he’d wanted since the moment he’d stumbled through the door.

~*~

TBC...


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter part, but it kinda goes hand in hand with Part 3 so I wanted to get it out…sort of the way 1 & 2 went together. Or maybe I just don’t know how to break up chapters, but that’s for another discussion.

~*~

“That stings!” Kili pushed Fili’s hand away from his eye. The swelling had gone down and left behind a bad cut. He had scrapes to his chin and elbows, knees and back. He also had bruises to his flanks and forehead, but beyond that, he had no lasting injuries, no broken bones. His head had finally stopped throbbing and he assured Fili that he didn’t feel at all dizzy.

Though Fili had insisted he lay down and rest a bit. That’s also when he pulled out the astringent.

“You’ve got some bad scrapes here and they need to be cleaned. Now hold still.”

Kili rested his head on Fili’s leg as Fili leaned over him with an astringent soaked cloth. They’d retired to Kili’s room after Dwalin asked them to vacate the kitchen for a while. It seemed their mother wanted to come back into the home, but wasn’t ready to see them.

That punch to the gut had been far worse than any Kili had received earlier.

“I don’t understand. She’s our mother.”

Fili dabbed Kili’s face with the cloth. “Trust me, Kili, it’s not you she’s upset with. It’s me.”

“Why would you say that?”

Kili frowned at the look Fili gave him then, which seemed to say, _you don’t know this already?_

“Because I’m the eldest, I’m supposed to be looking after you and she was saying as much when you stumbled in the door, beat to hell.”

“I’m not beat to hell—ouch!” Kili winced at another sting from the astringent. He pushed Fili’s hand away again. “Were you arguing?”

Fili leaned back, setting the cloth aside (much to Kili’s relief). “Not...exactly. But it seemed she was building to something and, in my gut, I know what it was.”

Kili let out a long sigh. He supposed Fili could be right, that their mother had meant to lecture him. But why lecture Fili without even talking to Kili first? If anyone would just ask him, he’d explain. Only five years Fili’s junior and Kili felt he was being treated like a dwarfling. Did anyone care that everything had been of his own free will?

With a huff, Kili said, “I think everyone is over-reacting.”

Fili laughed. “I envy you, that.” He brushed his fingers through Kili’s hair.

Kili craned his neck to better see his brother. “Envy me what, exactly?”

“That it’s so simple for you.” Fili twined a lock of Kili’s hair between his fingers and released it, continuing to pet Kili’s hair. “You don’t have a single doubt, do you?”

Kili rolled over and onto his knees to face Fili. “I don’t. I couldn’t have been more than sixty when I started looking at you differently.”

Fili’s eyes widened and in a hushed voice, he echoed: “Sixty...”

“And I know it hasn’t been as long for you, but—“

Kili stopped when he saw how his brother’s expression changed. Fili’s gaze drifted, as if lost in thoughts.

“I don’t know now,” Fili said, after a moment. “I’ve always adored you, in a way that...that I’ve been told seemed excessive. But I never minded it, though, never worried. I just knew I loved my brother. I never gave it more thought than that until...”

“Until someone opened your eyes.” Kili finished the thought.

Fili looked up at him and Kili wanted to gasp for the raw emotion he saw in his brother’s eyes. His lashes glistened; he seemed breathless as he said, “Yes.”

Kili reached for him. He knew the emotions raging through his brother then; he’d been there, too—this realization that their bond had always been this deep and always would be. It came as a mix of joy and shock, like stepping into the sunlight after darkness.

Kili grabbed Fili at the nape and pulled him close, their mouths met and what started soft spiked quickly as Fili pulled Kili hard against him. They buried their hands in each other’s hair, grasping and touching with a desperation Kili hadn’t felt before. The intensity left him trembling with need. By Durin, it’d all been play until now! He could barely keep his mind clear as desire and passion raced through his veins. 

Kili broke the kiss only to catch his breath, and to watch his hands as he tore at his brother’s leggings. Fili did the same, gasping, “Mahal, Kili...” as he reached into Kili’s linens. Kili matched him, gripping his brother’s arousal, as hard as any sword handle Kili had ever touched.

They kissed again as they stroked each other, gasping and moaning between breaths. They leaned against each other, keeping the other up, frantic at their mutual act. Kili felt the calluses of his brother’s palm drawing against his skin, making him shiver until he knew it was all he could take.

“Fili!” he groaned as he erupted in his brother’s hand. Kili dropped his forehead to Fili’s shoulder, continuing to stroke until he felt the shudder of Fili’s orgasm ripple through him. They collapsed backwards onto the bed, panting, sighing.

Kili nestled himself in the crook of Fili’s shoulder, his head against his chest. He could feel as well as hear Fili’s harsh breaths return to normal. Kili stroked his brother’s chest; Fili rubbed his back. And in his sated haze, Kili’s mind wandered back to something he’d wanted to tell his brother since much earlier that day.

“Fili,” he started, “I saw this plate.”

Fili chuckled, then kissed the top of Kili’s head. “This is an interesting subject change.”

“No, listen.”

Kili levered himself up to tell about the old man’s shop and the Erebor artifact. He described the scene and the family and, in the greatest detail, the two dwarves holding hands.

Fili listened, focused on everything Kili said and let Kili even vent a bit on the smelly old man and the gold coin mark-up.

Finally, Kili said, “It might not mean anything. I don’t know, but I have to wonder.”

Fili stroked Kili’s hair. “Without seeing it myself, it’s hard to say. It doesn’t necessarily mean it represented a marriage or such between them—“

“But if you’d seen how—“

Fili kissed his forehead, bringing Kili’s words to a halt. “I know. I’ll have to go with you and see. But I certainly don’t have a hundred gold coins for it. And I rather doubt Mother will want to buy it for you, under the circumstances, Erebor artifact or not.”

Sighing, Kili laid his head back on his brother’s chest. “I know. But I want that plate.” Then he felt Fili prodding his eye again, which stung. “Oi!”

Fili shifted so that he leaned over Kili. He squinted and frowned. “Mahal, look. The cut over your eye opened again.” 

Then Fili pulled away to sit on the edge of the bed. He grabbed a shirt off the floor and wiped at his groin. Kili sat up, grabbed his arm and pulled. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To get another cut of cheese cloth for your forehead. I’ll just be a minute.”

Kili pulled hard enough to yank Fili partly back around. “It’s fine.” Did he really have to leave right now? Wasn’t it much nicer lying there still drying from sweat, passion and love?

But Fili pried Kili’s hand free with a smile. “It’s not fine. You rest. I’m going to go get a fresh cloth.”

And before Kili could complain, Fili kissed his forehead and darted out of the room.

~*~

He didn’t mean to overhear, not at first. His only intent was to fetch a fresh bowl of water and another bit of cloth and return to Kili. But the draw of his own name was too strong and the more they said, the closer he crept to the kitchen door. Soon he hovered in the parlor, just far enough away that he wouldn’t be easily noticed in the darkness, but close enough to see and hear.

Mother sat at the kitchen table with Dwalin. She had a mug of meade in front of her, but unusually, Dwalin did not. She held her head in her hands and her face looked stricken. Fili had feared this response, this emotion in his mother’s face. It had kept him up at night when he first laid with Kili. But the sheer joy in Kili’s face eased Fili back to sleep and had kept him restful since.

Fili’s mother slowly shook her head. “It has to be him. I don’t know what else to do.”

Dwalin rapped the table with his knuckles, he looked uncomfortable, more often darting his glance around the room than at Fili’s mother. “You know how Thorin is, he may not choose to intervene.”

Fili’s mother slapped her hands down on the tabletop. Fili jumped and so did Dwalin. “He has to intervene! This is his own family. Does he not care at all what remains of the Durin line? Besides, in this village, with these men and dwarves? You saw what they did to Kili already.”

“I know,” Dwalin said, with a nod.

She leaned into the kitchen table. “I know what he’s planning. There’s a simple answer in this.”

Dwalin raised his hands. “Nothing is in stone, yet. There may not even be a quest. My brother isn’t even sure it’s wise.”

Fili frowned. A quest? He’d sensed that Thorin had been working on something over the last several months. He’d traveled more than usual, was away longer when he went, and had received rare contact from distant cousins. He was already several days over-due from this last outing that he’d said very little about before left. So a quest was brewing? Could it be his dream of returning to Erebor?

“Balin.” Fili’s mother chuckled softly, though there was no humor in it. “Can you picture yourself and Balin—“

There was a warning in Dwalin’s tone. “Dis, you know it’s more complicated than that. There are stories—“

“I know the stories, I saw the dwarves! But it was a different place and time. It’s not for here.” She paused, took a deep breath and added, “Thorin could take Fili.”

Fili’s heart stopped. Take him away from Kili? This didn’t come as any surprise, not with how his mother had reacted. And yet it still hurt like a freshly opened wound. Of course she would want him away from Kili. He was, as she’d tried to tell him earlier, supposed to be the sensible one. Fili had little doubt she blamed him. Besides, would anyone honestly believe him if he said that fending off Kili had been nearly impossible?

“Dis, don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“The distance would be good.”

Dwalin shook his head. “You don’t know that.”

“No,” their mother said, a blade-sharp edge to her words. “I do.”

A rock had settled in Fili’s stomach as he turned back to towards bedroom, and many things tumbled in his mind. A quest, forcing distance between them and...and, oddly, that plate Kili had seen. What _were_ the stories Dwalin mentioned and why did his mother dismiss them? Was Kili right? Could there be a connection?

Kili would wonder what’d taken Fili so long, only fetching cloth and some water. But he had no intention of telling him what their mother wanted. At least, not yet.

~*~

TBC...


	5. Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as far as this story is concerned, the age of majority in dwarf culture is 80. Thank you for your cooperation. =D
> 
> Also, Fili’s getting a little stressed out, and I think I have to change the rating to Erotic. There you go. 
> 
> Oh, also, this fanart from [Kaciart](http://kaciart.tumblr.com) really helped me with the last scene. I’m just saying: <http://kaciart.tumblr.com/post/42084119798>

~*~  
Part V  
~*~

Kili needed only a few days to fully recover. Dwarves, by nature, were hardy and quick to heal. His bruises had faded and to watch him in the practice ring with Dwalin, wood sword ready, his stance firm, no one would ever guess he’d recently been in any altercation.

Dwalin held aloft wood blades, one in each hand, slowly circling with Kili. Fili stood at the edge, resting his arm on his own wood sword, stuck upright in the ground, smiling at his brother.

“So you held your own, aye?” said Dwalin. He swung one of the blades, but didn’t charge Kili yet. “Jaben said he found you pinned to the ground.”

Kili sneered, but Fili could see the delight in his eyes. “That’d been a dirty move, he tackled me from behind.”

“A _dirty_ move?” Dwalin laughed. “Ah, of course, because in normal alley fights and orc attacks, it’s an honorable fight. I’ll remember that.”

“You know what I mean!” Kili shouted, then darted forward, swinging with his sword. Their blades thudded and cracked as they fought.

Both Kili and Fili had expected Dwalin to cancel their weekly session. After the other night, they figured Dwalin would keep his distance as their mother did—well, Fili admitted, she kept her distance from /him/. She still assigned Kili chores and had brief, reserved conversations with him. She still found reason to brush her fingers over Kili’s shoulder from time to time.

Fili never expected one day he’d dream for his mother to ask him to chop wood or empty a slop bucket. Anything for her to look at him.

But, nevertheless, distance was what they expected and they’d decided to practice alone. Yet Dwalin was there waiting for them, saying, “Well get on, lads, I’ve not got all day.”

Fili continued to watch the pair. Kili charged Dwalin again. He swung and darted Dwalin’s counter and then jabbed forward, nearly hitting his mark. Fili saw Dwalin’s face change as he defended the attack. He took enough backwards steps to almost break the circle. Fili raised his brow, surprised. Was Kili close to besting Dwalin?

With each swing and charge, Fili noticed a stronger fight in his brother. He also saw an anger in his face that he’d never seen before. Had his attack changed training from the games of their childhood to something more solid and real for Kili? When he’d relayed the story of his fight to Fili, he’d talked with glee about what move he’d used, how he’d remembered learning it from Thorin or Dwalin, and how exactly it’d worked to fend them off. It certainly had sounded as though he’d held his own quite well.

Kili gave a shout with another strike and doge.

After a few more passes, Dwalin yelled, “Call!” to bring the fight to a stop.

Panting, Kili crossed to Fili’s side and bumped Fili’s arm with his shoulder. Fili bumped him back. At least Kili was smiling again. Stronger fight in him or not, he still clearly enjoyed himself.

“You mentioned an orc attack,” Kili said after a bit of recovery. Fili had handed him a canteen of water and he took a long swig before continuing. “Are we really likely to see an orc attack around here?”

Dwalin shrugged. He had driven his two wood blades into the ground to keep them upright and rested his arms on the handle ends. “It could happen. The further you travel from the Blue Mountains, the more likely it is.”

Kili raised one brow. “Why would we travel that far from the Blue Mountains?”

Fili darted a glance at Dwalin, wondering how truthful he’d answer. Thorin had not mentioned anything before his travels. Could this be Fili’s chance to draw a bit more information out of Dwalin? He certainly wasn’t getting a second word from his mother.

“It’s because of the quest,” Fili said.

Kili straightened suddenly. “Quest? What quest?”

Dwalin gave Fili a hard look. “You’ve been listening about, have you lad?” He shrugged again. “There may yet be a quest. That’s what’s taking your uncle so long to return, he’s gathering support.”

“You’ll go?” Fili asked.

Dwalin seemed offended by the question and made a wide gesture with his hands. “Of course I’d go! I’ve fought beside your uncle before and I’d do it again without hesitation.”

Kili bounced on the balls of his feet. “Are we to go? This is it, isn’t it? What we’ve been training for.”

Dwalin tsked him. “You’re being trained in the tradition of Erebor, how to fight, how to be warriors. Thorin upholds the old traditions.”

Fili bit his lip, unsure if he should ask his next question. Would Dwalin even know what he meant by it? The talk of “old stories” and Kili’s Erebor artifact had not strayed far from Fili’s mind.

He couldn’t let the moment pass. “ _All_ the old traditions?” he said.

Dwalin narrowed his gaze, as if studying Fili before he said, “You’d have to ask him that.” Then he pulled one of his swords up from the ground and pointed it at Fili, then at Kili. “C’mon, lads, come at me, both of you. See how well you do.”

Fili had no doubt that’d been a purposeful change of subject. But if Kili caught the nuance of the exchange, he didn’t let on. He eagerly raised his wood sword and grabbed Fili at the wrist to pull him into the ring. Fili hardly required the encouragement. He loved these sessions with Dwalin, treasured every moment of training he’d ever had, starting very young. In truth, he loved it even more with Thorin.

A faint spike of anxiety troubled Fili’s mind as he set his stance, facing Dwalin. How would Thorin react when he learned of his sister’s sons’ relationship? Would he become distant as their mother had? Could Fili loose Thorin as well?

Fili had to be honest with himself: The possibility of losing Thorin scared him even more than if his mother never spoke to him again.

“Keep your wits, lad!”

Before Fili could give his worries another thought, Dwalin charged forward and Fili barely blocked the strike. Firming his stance, Fili remembered something Thorin had said long ago: Here in the ring is the place to let distraction go. He was here to fight and train, and that he would do.

They took turns swinging at Dwalin, darting and circling with him. When Dwalin picked up his other sword, they came at him together. Fili flowed around Dwalin with Kili at his side, feinting when Kili charged, dashing forward when Kili relented. They’d always fought well as a team, but there was no mistaking it. Fili’s heart pounded like never before as he felt the pattern set. His arms turned with greater ease and it was as if his legs knew where to go before his head did. Like one, he and Kili surged, anticipating each other with such harmony that Fili saw the shock and then consternation on Dwalin’s face as he struggled to keep up with them.

When Dwalin yelled, “Call!”, Fili felt winded, yet completely exhilarated! As he turned towards his brother, he saw the same excitement in his eyes. Kili bounded to his side, his cheeks flushed and beautiful, his hair wild and a smile split wide across his face.

Fili desperately wanted to kiss that smile. He wanted to grab him around the waist and pull him close, revel in this energy. But they weren’t alone. They weren’t far from the village center and, of course, Dwalin was there. Fili turned to look at Dwalin, and their gazes met. Fili expected a frown, but instead Dwalin raised one brow, just a little, then turned his back. He had his hands on his swords, but Fili could tell he wasn’t doing anything with them. He was giving them a moment of privacy.

Fili wasn’t going to waste it. He grabbed Kili by the arm and pulled him close. Kili was thrumming from scalp to toes. “Brother! That was the best we’ve ever done!” Kili said and then he seemed to realize their proximity. He darted a glance at Dwalin’s back, then without any encouragement, dropped his sword, grabbed Fili’s face and kissed him.

Kili had just enough height on Fili to lean into him and bend him back with the kiss. Fili’s heart pounded even more.

But it was brief, too brief, but it had to be. They were already apart, darting grinning glances at each other when Dwalin cleared his throat in warning before turning around.

“Aye,” Dwalin said, when he faced them again. “That was some row, bout gave me a run.”

Still grinning like a fiend, Kili pointed his sword at Dwalin. “We’re ready for any quest! Be sure to tell Thorin.”

Dwalin raised one brow. “Oh, don’t you worry. I have plenty to report on you lads.”

Fili took some satisfaction that Kili at least looked abashed. He didn’t have to be the only one to worry.

Before anything more could be said, another voice chimed in: “Aye, a bit of training I see. Well, well, I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you lads since you were wee ones. Might a bit different now!”

“Mister Bofur!” Kili drove his sword into the ground and smiled for their old kin. “I still have one of your wood ponies on my shelf!”

Bofur slowly approached the practice ring. He had on a wide-brimmed hat and a few braids dangled from underneath it. He stopped just beyond the circle and rocked on his heels. He had his hands shoved into the pockets of a worn overcoat. “Aye, better keep it there, then, that’s a relic, that is.”

“Bofur,” Dwalin said, “What brings you to this town over?”

Bofur tipped his head to the side. “I should think you’d know. I received a missive from Thorin. Asking after my interest. Came to deliver an answer in person and he’s not even about. Dear Dis sent me your way.”

Fili’s gut twisted at the mention of their mother. He realized that he felt jealous of Bofur. An old family friend could have more words with her than Fili did these days.

“Aye, he’s still traveling,” Dwalin said. “What say you?”

Bofur shrugged. “Depends if you’ll have us. We’re not much for fighting, not since Bifur took it to the head.” Bofur gestured to his own head, then he spread his hands apart, adding, “And Bombur’s grown a bit wider, as it were.” He shoved his hands back into his pockets and rocked on his heels again. “Me, I like my time at the tavern.”

Dwalin laughed. “Well, I’m hardly going on this journey without ale, so I can’t see that as a problem.”

Bofur chuckled, too. “No, I suppose not. Well, I imagine he’ll get enough of a troupe from the forge alone, but if he really wants the extra hands, I suppose he’ll have to put up with us. Provided the ale still makes the trip.”

Dwalin nodded. “I’ll pass it along, Bofur. I’d suggest you practice your axe swing.”

“I haven’t picked an axe for such a thing as that in a might long time. I do have my mattock, though.” Bofur raised his hand. “Good seeing you lads. Reckon I’ll be seeing you again soon, Dwalin.”

They watched Bofur mosey off and Fili saw Kili bouncing on the balls of his feet again.

“It’s going to happen, isn’t it,” Kili said.

Dwalin pulled one of his swords up out of the ground. “Pick up your sword. You, too, Fili.”

“Mister Dwalin!”

Dwalin shook his head. “It’s too early to say. Pick up your sword.”

Fili darted a glance at his brother. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he might not be invited, that there were other forces at hand to keep him from this quest. He saw the gleam of anticipation in Kili’s eyes and he hated to be there when it went out.

~*~

“Boots! Boots off!” their mother cried as Fili and Kili came in through the kitchen door. “You’ve been in that ring for hours and this house is clean!”

Kili plopped down on the floor to pull at his boot straps and Fili leaned against the doorjamb. Their mother stood at the kitchen wash basin, scrubbing pots. Old pots, Fili realized; ones that were rarely used and mostly sat on the shelf. But she scrubbed at them hard and there was a stack waiting on the table.

Fili had just finished pulling on his house boots when she said, “Kili, I need you to bring in some logs from outside. And spread some feed for the chickens while you’re out there.”

Kili gave the forlorn look of being assigned chores, but said, “Yes, mother,” before darting a smile at Fili and heading out the back door.

Their mother didn’t turn from the wash basin. She had her sleeves rolled up and the water came to her elbows. Fili stood in the kitchen a moment, waiting, watching, wondering, before he asked, “Can I do anything, Mother?”

His mother stilled. Her shoulders tensed and she closed her eyes. After a second, she relaxed again and returned to scrubbing. Then she yelled, “Kili, don’t worry about the slop bucket, I’ll take care of that.”

No answer, not a look, came for Fili. Of course, it hadn’t for three days.

Fili crossed to the parlor doorway and waited there a while longer. He wasn’t sure if he did it to make her uncomfortable, to see if it forced her to acknowledge him, or if he simply...missed her. 

But, ultimately, he didn’t have much patience for the wait. It hurt to stand in such silence, so he yet again escaped to his bedroom. She’d have to talk to him once Thorin returned, that was something to look forward to.

At least...she would, wouldn’t she?

~*~

It wasn’t long after that Kili arrived in Fili’s room. Fili had wondered to himself if Kili would say anything about their mother’s behavior yet, but by the look on Kili’s face, it wasn’t going to be now either. Fili seriously wondered if Kili had even noticed.

Kili shut the door; his eyes alight. “I want to go on this quest.”

Fili had busied himself with tooling leather arm shields for himself and Kili, an ongoing project that he’d nearly finished. He nodded and turned back to the leather in his lap. He sat comfortably on the bed. “I know you do. I do, too.”

“Isn’t this exciting?” Kili grabbed the stool from Fili’s desk and pulled it alongside the bed to sit. “It’s what Thorin has always wanted! He once told me he was waiting for a sign. It must have come.”

Fili didn’t look up from his work. “Aye.”

There was a long pause before Kili said, “What’s the matter?”

Fili sagged. Maybe his anger had the better of him, the building frustration from his mother’s treatment. Or maybe Kili’s blatant obliviousness wore on him, but while he hadn’t wanted to see the excitement go out of his brother’s eyes, neither could he keep pretending that there wasn’t a problem.

Fili set aside the arm shields. “Kili, you’re 77.”

Kili raised one brow and tentatively answered: “Aye.”

“You’re not yet 80.”

It took him a moment, but the dawn of realization lightened across Kili’s face. He nearly bolted from the stool. “I’m going to go! It’s our heritage, it’s Erebor. I’m going to go!”

“Mother may not let you.”

Kili frowned. “It’s her heritage, too, why wouldn’t she?”

Fili couldn’t help the laugh. Could his brother be even more clueless than he thought? “Yes, right, she’ll send you with me because she’s so very fond of me right now.”

Kili shifted from the stool to the bed to sit beside Fili. “She’s having a hard time adjusting, yes—“

“A hard time adjusting?” Fili couldn’t take much more! He stared down his brother. “Kili! How naive are you going to remain? She’s never going to accept us. She hasn’t even looked at me in DAYS, let alone spoken a word!” He took a deep breath. “She’s plotting to keep us apart. With you acting like a child, she’ll never let you out of her sight!”

“A child?” The look that crossed Kili’s face surprised Fili. It wasn’t the clueless shock he expected; it was darker than that. Kili narrowed his gaze and he leaned closer, talking low. “Am I a child when you fuck me? When I fuck you?” Kili shook his head. “Don’t dismiss me, brother, because of some number. I have aged with you and I know my heart and my soul. It is mother’s burden to accept that I love you, not mine.”

Fili looked away. His brother could still surprise him with his random clarity. 

But as he’d once accused of Kili, it all remained so simple for him. Kili didn’t have the strain of being ignored and it wasn’t him that their mother clearly blamed. Whether Kili wanted to accept it or not, his guilt was absolved because of his age. It had always been that way. Through the years, Fili had taken the blame for his brother’s actions more times than he could count and it’d never bothered him. He was often a party to Kili’s antics, so it wasn’t completely misplaced. But he was, as his mother reminded him, the older brother and that brought with it special responsibilities. He knew without even asking her that his mother felt he’d failed her. And he had. Nothing could change the fact that he’d taken his own brother into his bed and had no intention of stopping.

When Kili spoke again, there was an edge to his tone. “What is your burden, then, brother? That you love me?”

Fili didn’t look up, but he shook his head. “Loving you isn’t a burden.”

“No? I’m starting to wonder...”

That comment raised a fresh fire in Fili’s chest. With all they’d confessed to each other and what their mother was putting Fili through, how could Kili say such a thing!? 

Yelling a Khuzdul curse, Fili rose up to his knees, grabbed Kili by the arms and pushed back. Kili yelped and struggled, but Fili held tight, shoving his brother down as he had when they were dwarflings. He pinned Kili to the bed, his weight and leverage keeping Kili caught beneath him. Fili leaned over to look directly into Kili’s eyes.

“My burden isn’t that I love you. It’s being your _brother_! Something I fear I’ve lost. I can only see you as my lover!” And at those words, the realization of their position sunk into Fili’s groin. He loosened his grip, but stayed arched over his brother’s body, his body throbbing. Kili didn’t move.

“And I still see you as both. So who is more wrong?” Kili reached up and cupped Fili’s nape. “I wish I could take away your guilt.”

Fili snorted softly, but felt no humor. “If it weren’t for my guilt, there would be nothing between mother and me right now.”

Kili’s face looked utterly crestfallen. “Fili...”

But Fili didn’t want to talk anymore. He gathered Kili into his arms and crushed a kiss to his mouth. The passion from their earlier sparing and the guilt-ridden heat of arguing raged through Fili. He pressed his knee between his brother’s legs and ground against him. 

They kissed and moaned and pulled at each other’s clothes until linen and leather lay in a pile on the floor. Kili arched against Fili, pressing his arousal to Fili’s thigh; he grabbed Fili’s hair and bit at his lips. Fili had certainly seen Kili wild, but there was a fiercer edge to him now.

Then Fili felt their weight shift and he soon lay beneath Kili. 

He leaned over Fili and murmured: “You can’t feel guilty when I’m the one fucking you.”

Reaching back to the table, he grabbed the small bottle of oil they kept near and poured a bit onto his palm. Leaning over Fili again, Kili lifted Fili at the knee and rubbed his fingers against Fili’s skin, seeking entrance. Fili gasped at the touch, so completely intimate, but no longer foreign. He pressed against his brother’s fingers, his chest heaving, so desperate with need he couldn’t hold back moans and pleas for more.

Kili laid Fili’s leg over his own and positioned himself. The burn was sweet and slow. Kili didn’t rush, for all his frantic undressing before. Fili moaned, then grabbed at the blankets, drawing them to his mouth to try and keep quiet. Kili’s thrusts were careful and tender, but his own need certainly was building. He pressed again, slowly, and again, stronger and soon had levered himself over Fili, one arm around his waist as he pistoned his hips, murmuring affections in Khudzal over and over.

Try as he might, Fili couldn’t hold back cries as he came, arching against his brother’s body. Kili kissed his chest and then his thrusts became frantic until he too came with a shout, collapsing over Fili, panting.

But they didn’t lay in silence for long. A large crash rang from the kitchen, like dishes and pots being dumped on the floor.

Kili lifted his head, alarmed, and for a moment, Fili wondered if he’d run to her. But the loud slam of the door that followed told them both that their mother had fled the house. Kili frowned and looked away. For the first time, Fili thought he saw a touch of guilt in his brother’s face. 

“We may have been too loud,” Kili said.

Fili slowly nodded. “Aye.”

Kili shifted so that he lay alongside Fili’s body, his head pillowed on his chest. Fili carefully stroked Kili’s hair.

After several long, silent moments, Kili said, “She’s not...you really think she’s never going to accept us?”

“I really doubt it.”

“But—“ Kili hesitated, then said, “What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know.”

Kili lifted his head, lines of fret across his brow. “Is this what you worry about?”

 _Finally_ , Fili thought. And though he smiled, he knew his sadness showed at the edge. “This is what I worry about.”


	6. Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be clear, we are definitely following movie canon, vs book canon.
> 
> Thorin finally returns. Sorry, it's kinda a plotty chapter, to prep for what's to come.

~*~  
Part VI  
~*~

For all the satisfaction Fili initially felt when Kili finally grasped his worries, it saddened him to see that stress settle itself across his brother’s face. Just as Kili had said he wanted to take away Fili’s guilt, Fili wished he could bring back Kili’s ease and joy.

They spent the rest of the night in Fili’s room. Kili had lifted his head when they heard their mother return, but he soon laid it back down again, rubbing his cheek against Fili’s chest like a kitten. Fili decided that was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. And though they’d taken quiet pleasure with each other again, Fili spent most of the night holding Kili, stroking his hair and watching him sleep.

Fili wasn’t sure if he’d ever known a more peaceful night.

The next morning, their mother had found reason to be out early. Whether by circumstance or design, Fili wasn’t sure, but he was relieved. One less awkward moment for the day.

Once at the forge, he and Kili parted towards their separate realms. It seemed so much more difficult to walk away than Fili remembered. An emptiness opened up inside him and it took great resolution to not turn around and watch Kili leave. Or, worse yet, go after him.

As he hurried towards his place on the hammer line, Fili noticed dwarves would stop talking as he approached, watch him pass, then return to whispering once he moved on.

It left a further sense of unease in the emptiness.

Though the day was long and the work hard, Fili kept his focus as always. He’d learned his job from Thorin and felt great honor to have taken over his place on the line. 

At first, there had been a sense of respect Fili noticed from the other dwarves. It seemed to awe them to work alongside Thorin’s own kin. But as older dwarves left for better work, replaced by younger, less experienced workers—and as Thorin stayed away from the smithy more and more, often traveling—that mystique wore away.

Fili had become just another worker. But he appreciated that as well. The other dwarves were more likely to speak and joke around with him. And when Kili gained an apprenticeship with the greatly regarded Master Hogur, there had been no hint that Thorin’s connections were the cause.

Yet, over the last few weeks, Fili watched that camaraderie disintegrate as well.

Much sooner than expected, Kili arrived at the hammer line. Fili stepped away, wiping sweat from his brow as Kili explained that Master Hogur’s work had already completed and he’d have to leave.

“It’s fine, Kili. I won’t be but two hours behind you.” Then he added, quietly, “Just please go straight home, all right?”

Fili knew he stood too long watching him go. 

Returning to the line, Fili took up his hammer again and tried to only think of the hard swing needed to flatten the iron. But he knew what was coming. After the looks he’d received and the way he and Kili had parted, it didn’t surprise Fili that dwarves would approach him before the workday ended.

Fili didn’t know any of them by name, though he’d certainly seen them around the forge. But he didn’t want to engage them; he kept his head down and continued hammering. They stood before him, staring.

“You’re right repulsive, do you know that?” one of them finally yelled. Though in the cacophony of the forge, Fili could barely hear him. He ignored him all the same.

“I hear you do disgusting things with your brother! It’s all over the forge.”

Fili kept hammering, harder than before; he felt the anger pulsing through him.

“He don’t deny it, do he!” another one laughed.

“Keepin’ it in the family like that, that’s right disgusting, that is!”

Fili finally glanced up, seething, nearing his limit. Did they want to fight? Maybe these were the same dwarves who had harassed Kili; Fili would be glad to have a chance at them. But then he saw another dwarf approach, a line master: Jaben.

He had a build like Dwalin and maybe even more imposing. He slapped his hammer into his palm, making the other dwarves jump. “Aye, off with you all. You younglings don’t know a thing of what you speak.”

The first one to hassle Fili said, “I know when somethin’s not right!”

Jaben spit on the floor and then sneered. “You know only of man’s villages and little of your own people. Off with you!” He made a swing with his hammer and the dwarves ducked, then hurried away.

Fili didn’t turn to watch them go; they weren’t even worth that effort. He looked up at Jaben instead and swore the old dwarf growled before looking Fili’s way again. “You all right, laddie?”

Fili shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jaben grinned and nodded once. “Aye,” he said, then he headed back to his own area. Fili lifted his hammer again and swung his anger away.

~*~

When the day’s work finally tapered out, Fili pulled on his leather jerkin and the eagerness to be home made his steps quick. When he heard someone call his name, he initially meant to ignore him and continue on, until he recognized the voice.

Fili turned to see Jaben following after him.

“You headed to Far Side?” Jaben said when he arrived at Fili’s side.

“Aye.” Though Fili wondered why this would interest Jaben. Only homes existed on the far side and Fili felt pretty certain Jaben didn’t live that way.

“I’m meeting a fellow. I’ll come with ya.”

Fili started walking and Jaben fell in step with him. After a moment, Fili darted a glance at Jaben and said, “Did Dwalin ask you to do this?”

Jaben laughed. “Not a word. But I’ve chased angry dwarves away from both you lads in a matter of days. Perhaps I feel invested now.”

Fili relaxed and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should be thanking you. You saved my brother from further harm and for that I am extremely grateful.”

“Don’t let it fret you, laddie. I don’t trouble myself in others affairs much, but I’d do anything for the royal line of Erebor, make no mistake.”

Fili looked up at Jaben again, surprised. He didn’t hear much talk of Erebor beyond his own family. For the first time, Fili studied Jaben more closely. Like Dwalin, he had runes tattooed on his arms and Fili could see the evidence of scars that were not likely from the forge: deep, jagged cuts, like an animal bite. Maybe even a warg bite.

“You were in Moria,” Fili said.

Jaben kept his gaze forward as they walked, but said, “Aye.”

“You fought with my uncle.”

“I fought for King Thror and I fought for the honor of the dwarves.”

Fili realized that all he knew of Erebor came only from Dwalin and Thorin, and that only came in fragments. His mother didn’t actually speak of it much, though she’d lived there long enough to have strong memories. Fili always figured it pained her to remember, yet her artifacts brought her so much joy. How did other dwarves that actually remembered Erebor, ones not of the royal line—or shield guards to royalty—think?

“You lived in Erebor.”

“I did.”

“Was it—was it as good as Thorin says?”

Jaben stopped walking and gave Fili an appraising look, not unlike the looks Dwalin seemed to be giving him lately. What was it with tall, imposing dwarves studying him with a wizard’s eye lately?

After a moment, Jaben nodded and said, “I worked and lived there. And I was wealthy for it, but I had no standing.” He paused, then added: “It _was_ good, because it was ours and no one else’s. What we shared, we gave willingly and we took very little because we didn’t need it. We needed only other dwarves.” Jaben’s hard expression softened into something sad and distant. “No so, today.”

Fili shook his head. “No.”

“Fili?”

Fili turned to see Kili hurrying toward him, a troubled look on his face. Fili almost bolted to meet him, then remembered his manners. He turned back to Jaben and thanked him for the escort.

“As I said, laddie, anything for the line. We’ll see each other again at the forge.” Jaben gave a small bow, then headed back the way they’d come. Of course, there never was a fellow for him to meet.

Before Fili could have another thought, Kili came to his side and grabbed his arm, tugging him towards the house. Fili stumbled after him.

“Thorin’s returned,” Kili said.

“Oh.” Fili felt instantly tense. He desperately wanted to see Thorin and had hoped to talk to him before their mother did. Maybe if Fili explained first, asked the questions burning inside him. “Is mother there?”

Kili gave a small snort; he steps quickened, pulling Fili along. “Oh, yes. He and mother are arguing.”

“About what?”

It was Kili’s turn to use the _You haven’t figured this one out yet?_ look on Fili for a change.

“Us, of course!”

~*~

Their voices carried beyond the home, though Fili couldn’t make out any specific words from outside. Both Thorin and their mother had voices of their lineage: loud, strong and boisterous. Fili and Kili hesitated at the door.

“How did it start?” Fili asked, staring at the wood planking, wondering if they should or shouldn’t walk in on this.

“He came in on mother and me already arguing.”

That surprised Fili; he looked, wide-eyed, at Kili. “You were arguing with mother?”

“Aye! I confronted her about how she’d been ignoring you. I’d given her the benefit of the doubt, but you were right.” He made a dismissive gesture. “It’d gone on for days, it was too much.”

Fili couldn’t help but smile, though a loud crash wiped it away. He darted a glance at Kili, then pulled open the door.

Thorin and their mother stood at opposite ends of the kitchen table. A clay pot lay broken just beyond Thorin’s feet, likely thrown by their mother. Neither looked away from the other when Fili and Kili arrived.

“You do this because I asked you to, as your only sibling!” their mother said, her face pink with anger.

“Because you _asked_ me? Don’t you think it’s far more complicated than that?”

“No, I don’t. You complicated this long ago!”

Thorin took a step towards their mother. “I did!?”

Their mother sneered. “Yes, because of you and your fixation on the past! You can’t let us move on, you talk endlessly about ways that are so far gone that the other dwarves in our community have no knowledge of them! They are not of this place and time—“

Thorin made a wide gesture with his arms. “All the more reason to talk of them! To keep an understanding—“

Their mother put up her hands and turned up her chin. “Stop, Thorin! I’m tired of it! Besides, you owe me.”

“I owe you?”

Fili jumped when their mother smacked her hands down on the kitchen table. She leaned over it, staring hard at Thorin. Kili grabbed Fili’s hand and squeezed; Fili kept ahold of it. He could feel Kili’s pulse throbbing in his palm, both their hearts beating with a touch of terror.

“Yes!” their mother said. “Because of you and grandfather, I have known only death! I have lost a brother, my father, a husband. So, yes, you own me this, brother. You said you would look after my sons, and I’m saying this is how I want it to be!”

Thorin tilted his head and narrowed his gaze at his sister. “Wait.”

Dis tossed her hands into the air. “No, that’s all I have to say, I’m not discussing it further. You know where I stand.”

“Is this about Frenin?”

Their mother stopped. She reacted exactly as when Fili tried talking to her, as if hearing his words brought her pain. She stood like stone and when she spoke again, her voice was low and harsh. “This isn’t about him.”

Yet Thorin didn’t relent. “Is that why you’re so against this? Because he—“

Their mother spun around, but it wasn’t Thorin she turned her gaze towards: it was Fili. With that same wide-eyed fear he’d seen in her after Kili had arrived home beaten, she stared at him. Fili trembled, startled, confused. Kili had wondered before why she’d looked so scared that day and Fili had just assumed it was her realization about them, but now… Why had this terror returned to her eyes?

Thorin’s words had died when their mother turned around. He looked away, as if embarrassed, and then said, “Dis, I didn’t mean—“ But again, she cut him off.

“This is not about him. It’s about what’s best for my sons, nothing more.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn’t look at Fili again as she turned for her room beyond the kitchen. Her door slammed shut behind her.

At that crushing noise, Thorin growled and grabbed one of the kitchen chairs. He threw it behind him and it flipped end over end until it landed in the middle of the parlor floor.

Fili and Kil stood frozen, gripping each other’s hand even tighter. Should they leave? What exactly had just happened? So many questions tumbled in his mind. Their uncle Frenin’s name hadn’t been spoken in many, many years. Fili had never wondered why before. And yet now…

With a tentative voice, Fili asked: “What about Frenin?”

Thorin still stood at the table end. He rubbed his forehead and shook his head, his eyes closed. “It’s not actually any of your business.”

“But, you said—“

Then Thorin slammed his fist onto the kitchen table. “It’s NOT your business!”

Both Fili and Kili jumped. It wasn’t that they had never witnessed Thorin’s temper before—or their mother’s, for that matter—but every moment and word seemed laced with an anger and intensity that only brought forth more questions.

But Fili wasn’t about to ask them now.

After a long moment, Thorin sighed and turned to face Fili and Kili. They hadn’t moved from the front door; they never released their hands.

“I’m sorry,” Thorin said. He looked them over with a soft smile. “You lads have been busy while I’ve been away. I think we need to talk.”

~*~

TBC...


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short part, goes hand in hand with part 6. The next part after this going to be much longer, so I needed to break it up a bit more. A fluffier part, I hope you like it!

~*~  
Part VII  
~*~

Throin’s idea of a talk actually appeared to be an interrogation. He sent Fili to chop wood in the yard and pulled an alarmed Kili into the parlor with him. Fili couldn’t help but spy a little. He didn’t hear a word, but took great reassurance that Thorin finally gave Kili a proper greeting, a firm grasp of his upper arms that left Kili beaming. Of course, Kili couldn’t leave it at that, tackling their reticent uncle in a hug. Thorin returned it.

Then they sat down before the hearth and spoke at great length. Fili was able to chop three full cords of wood before Thorin arrived at his side, nodding with approval.

“Good work, even cuts.” He then tipped his head towards the door. “Kili’s in his room, restringing his bow. I promised him a hunt before my next trip.”

Fili raised one brow and smiled. “You’ve assigned a task to us both, keeping us apart, but occupied.”

Thorin mimicked Fili’s expression with a raised brow. “Indeed, I have. Come.”

Without waiting, Throin returned to the house and into the parlor. Fili set aside the axe, wiped his brow and followed. The separate talk didn’t surprise Fili. He figured he would have done the same, should he be in Thorin’s situation. He’d have to be certain that there wasn’t anything untoward going on.

Thorin had a full flagon of meade waiting for Fili. Fili sat in the chair by the hearth—the same one Kili had given him pleasure in—and downed the drink. It dribbled on his beard a bit, but that felt good after the heat of the forge, followed by the heat of argument and then chopping wood. Fili thought he might yet dunk himself in a barrel of water before the night was out.

“How did it start, between you lads?” Thorin didn’t sit. He stood resting his arm on the mantle, his own flagon in his other hand. Fili didn’t think he’d seen him take a drink, yet.

How did it start? Fili stared down into the mug. “In the tavern, I guess. We were very drunk. I’d already been having...inappropriate thoughts, though I’d kept them shoved down. And then...” Fili shrugged. “I don’t remember much of that night, falling into bed with Kili, doing things I shouldn’t. And yet the next morning, Kili was just...happy about it.” He looked up at Thorin when he finished.

“You weren’t happy?”

“I was still in shock, I think. At first.”

Thorin nodded, quiet for a moment, as if turning over Fili’s words in his mind. Then he said, “I asked Kili the same question, of course. He tells the story differently than you do.”

Fili grinned. “I imagine he does.

“You make it sound...more sordid.”

But that comment killed Fili’s smile. Did he explain himself that poorly? “Then I misrepresent myself. It’s not sordid. I honestly love him, deeply, as a brother probably shouldn’t. I just—“ Fili hesitated. He wanted to be honest with Thorin. He never could lie to him and respected his opinion above all others. If he could have Thorin’s guidance in this, he’d take it! He wouldn’t get it from his mother, that was for certain, so maybe with Thorin he could talk openly. “I am not sure I know what’s right anymore. I only know how I feel.”

Thorin set his mug on the mantle, then turned to face Fili straight on. “Kili also makes it sound rather innocent.”

“Innocent?” Fili made a face; that wasn’t a word he expected to hear with this conversation. “You mean to say, that we’re not sleeping together?”

Thorin nodded. “Sleeping, yes, but other than that…no.”

Fili laughed, a bit confused, though. What exactly had Kili said? “Then he’s deceived you.”

“So, you are…”

“Are you asking if I’m fucking him?” Thorin nodded, and so Fili did was well. “Yes. As he is me.”

But instead of being repulsed, as Fili expected, Thorin looked thoughtful. “I see. Perhaps I misunderstood Kili. But to him, it’s all very…” 

Thorin hesitated, frowning, searching for a word. But Fili knew where his mind was heading; he’d had enough conversations with Kili about their relationship to know.

“Natural.”

“Yes.”

Fili nodded. “I think for him, it is.”

“But it’s not for you.”

“I didn’t say that, either.” He wasn’t sure if Thorin was purposefully trying to trip up his words, or just being extremely precise. Either way, Fili would keep explaining until someone understood him. “It is natural in that the moment I realized it, I couldn’t put it away, I couldn’t even hide from it. It became as real and as necessary as my own heartbeat. But, also, from the moment it started, I’ve worried.”

“Because of your mother”

Fili sighed. “She didn’t help.”

Thorin picked up his flagon and took a deep drink. After, he sighed and said, “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

To that, Fili wanted to laugh, but held his tongue. He didn’t want Thorin to misunderstand. “Does it matter? I was there for your fight. Your opinion didn’t seem to factor in at all for her.”

“It will, though. Once she realizes herself, it will.” Then Thorin gave Fili a hard look. A look that, for Fili, harkened back to days of being a naughty dwarf, learning a lesson. “But you may not like my answer.”

What could he say to that? “I understand.” He had no guarantee that Thorin would be an ally, but at least he didn’t dismiss him and Kili out of hand, as their mother had. At least, with Thorin, Fili had hope that he and Kili could live the life they wanted. Together.

And that was everything Fili could ask for.

~*~

Fili slipped into Kili’s room after Thorin dismissed him. Usually, Thorin would spend his evenings with Dwalin and sleep there, but Fili suspected he would not tonight. And he’d said as much, adding: “I’ll be where Kili is, so my pallet will be open. Should you want to lay your head.”

Thorin raised his brow in response, but said nothing. Fili didn’t wait for any further answer, anyway. 

Fili found Kili lying on his pallet, his eyes closed, his bow long since strung and lying across his table, waiting for a promised hunt.

Fili crouched at Kili’s bedside and watched. Kili’s eyes fluttered slightly, his mouth slack. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. Fili brushed a few strands of hair from his cheek and then leaned in to kiss his forehead.

Kili stirred and immediately said, “I’m awake!” Though he yawned as he spoke, which didn’t make a convincing argument. Fili backed up to avoid the flail of Kili’s arms as he stretched and sat up. But then Kili reached for Fili. He grabbed him by the legging ties and pulled him close until Fili’s knees hit the bed.

Kili circled his arms around Fili’s waist and looked up. “How did it go?” 

“Fine,” Fili stroked Kili’s hair. “But why did you let Thorin believe we haven’t been pleasuring each other?”

Kili’s expression changed; it reminded Fili of youthful denials of mischievous deeds. “He didn’t ask!”

“He’s trying to sort us out and a lie by omission doesn’t help us any better than a lie.”

“It wasn’t trying to lie to him! He asked how much time we spent together and I said all our waking hours and our sleeping ones, too.” Kili shrugged and rolled his eyes a bit. “I never said we _slept_ during those hours.”

Fili raised a brow and shook his head. Then he tapped his finger to Kili’s chin. “Well, anyway, he took it to mean you were still innocent.”

Kili grinned. “I’m hardly that.”

“Yes, I know. You’ve taught me half of what know now as it is.” Then Fili considered this. Yes, some things come naturally, but Kili had seemed to know more than his fair share. Frowning slightly, Fili asked, “How _did_ you know those things?”

Kili’s smile spread wide and his cheeks flushed. Embarrassment was not something often seen on Kili’s face, sheepish and yet not quite guilty. It made Fili laugh.

“I rolled a bit of chopped log to the window of Madame Tillie’s house and used it to look in a window, uh, several times.”

Fili’s gaze went wide, his jaw slackened. “You what? You never told me!”

Kili let go of Fili’s waist and spread his hands, apologetic. “I wasn’t sure I should! It was one of the male prostitutes I was spying on! On purpose! I didn’t know what you’d think.”

Fili gave a little huff of surprised laughter. “By Durin, Kili, has your head _ever_ been innocent?”

“Of course.” Kili grabbed Fili’s waist again, his smile softening. “Years before that, on stormy nights, when lightening would flash and we still lived in that tiny hovel and all I had to do was climb from my bed to yours for my big brother to protect me.” He rubbed his thumbs along the waistline of Fili’s leggings. “You never once made me feel silly for it, either.”

“Why would I?” Fili touched Kili’s cheek and Kili leaned into the caress. “You were _my_ Kili, and if it could make you feel better, safer, I wouldn’t deny you anything.”

“Oh, Malah…” Kili whispered. Then he levered up to his knees, held Fili’s face and kissed him.

It was a soft, searching kiss that lingered. Fili held Kili at his waist and slipped his hands under his loose shirt, massaging his strong back. Kili moaned against Fili’s mouth and shifted his hips forward; Fili felt his hardness then. It sent a thrill down his spine.

Then Kili shifted backwards and pulled Fili with him, onto the bed. At first, Fili eagerly followed, but then he remembered and halted.

“Thorin is right next door!” he said in a harsh whisper.

Kili’s grin only spread. “Then I guess he’ll learn exactly what happens when we lie in bed together during those sleeping hours. That way there’s no more confusion.” He tugged Fili until he lay over his brother. 

Fili groaned as Kili pressed up against him, grinding his arousal into Fili’s thigh. “I think you’re a terrible influence on me.”

In a quick move, Kili flipped them so that he pushed Fili into the bed and sat over him, straddling his hips. He leaned forward and kissed Fili’s nose. “And I think you like it too much when I pin you to care.”

They kissed again, deeply, moaning, and jockeying so that they could shift against each other to make it feel oh so good. Fili knew the truth in Kili’s words: He liked it all so much, he honestly didn’t care. 

And what would that mean tomorrow? When Thorin’s answer and advice came, what if Fili didn’t like it, as his uncle warned? But it didn’t mean he’d have to accept it. Could he honestly look at the dwarf he admired above all and say no?

In this moment, with Kili’s tongue in his mouth and hand at his groin, he couldn’t imagine accepting anything that would deny him this joy and pleasure. 

But he’d never once defied Thorin. Not ever.

~*~

TBC...


	8. Part VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, but it's a doozy. I'm hard at work on the next part, promise!

~*~  
Part VIII  
~*~

Fili woke to a loud banging and the call of his name. He lifted his head and saw that his bed was empty. Sliding his palm across the straw mattress, he found the rough cotton cool; Kili had been up for a while. He heard Thorin call his name again and, rubbing his face, sat up and swung his feet to the floor.

“I’m up, Thorin, come in.”

Fili made sure the blanket covered his bare body as the door opened, then rubbed his sore eyes. His head felt cloudy. After Kili had fallen asleep—once they had taken their pleasure—Fili laid and watched him for a time. He didn’t know how long he’d stayed awake, appreciating the soft curve of his brother’s forehead or the sweet fullness of his bottom lip, but he knew the moon had moved halfway across the sky before he finally closed his eyes. He could have gladly slept longer.

But the moment he saw Thorin’s cross face, Fili’s mind cleared and he sat up straighter. “What’s wrong?”

“Did something happen at the forge?”

Fili silently cursed. With Thorin’s return, Fili hadn’t even told Kili about the attempts to rile him by the other smiths, let alone mention it to Thorin. “Did Jaben tell you?”

But that answer only seemed to make Thorin’s expression worse. “No.”

Fili sighed. “Nothing happened. A few dwarfs tried to bait me into a fight. Jaben scared them off.” Then Fili frowned. “How did you even know?”

Thorin raised one brow. “I didn’t, exactly. You filled in the details.”

Fili pushed his fingers into his hair and closed his eyes. Would Thorin take this as deceit? “I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. It simply hadn’t come up, yet.”

“And apparently Kili was attacked and beaten?”

“...yes.”

Fili heard the scuff of Thorin pacing and opened his eyes, watching him, uncertain. “Who told you about Kili?”

Thorin stopped and gave Fili a hard look. “A stranger! In the market. This was not news I wanted to be blindsided with while fetching fruits for you mother!” 

Fili flinched, closing his eyes again, before saying, “I’m sorry you learned about it that way, Thorin.” After another moment, he looked up and added: “And the forge? How did you know about that?”

Thorin crossed his arms. “I suspected after Master Hogur visited me this morning.”

“Master Hogur?”

“Yes, seems he’s concerned about Kili’s being at the forge while there are so many rumors and thinks he should stay away for a time.” Thorin sighed, shaking his head. “He’s suspended his apprenticeship.”

Fili nearly leapt to his feet in anger and shock, but remembered his undressed state. “But it’s not Kili’s fault! Why should he be punished because of sons of whores!?”

Thorin’s eyes widened and he raised his brow; Fili knew it was for his word choice. Gritting his teeth, he looked away. “Sorry.”

“Master Hogur is looking out for Kili’s best interest and I will not dishonor his instincts in this. He hasn’t turned Kili away completely and I believe Kili understands that. But this situation is far more complicated than I could have imagined! You are of the royal line of Durin and...” Thorin hesitated, rubbing his forehead as he tried to find his next words.

A hundred emotions spilled through Fili: anger, dismay, fear, guilt. He wanted to will Thorin to just say whatever slight sat on his tongue. He could take it. Better to say it to him than to Kili. Did they have no allies left at all? Is that what was coming? Fili raised his chin, as if anticipating a strike against it. “And what? We are not behaving respectably enough?”

Thorin’s look was dark and searching and, Fili realized, a bit sad. “Mind your tongue. Believe me or no, but it is not your behavior I’m worried about. It’s this backlash...I wonder if I haven’t failed my people even more than I know.”

Fili felt his guilt spike again, but this time for not having better faith in Thorin. He suspected that he would be their lone supporter and he shouldn’t have been so defensive. “Thorin, I—“

But Thorin cut him off. “Get dressed. There are many things we ALL need to discuss.” Then he turned and marched from Fili’s room, the door closing softly behind him.

~*~

Fili dressed quickly and hurried to where his family had collected; it wasn’t hard to find them: Thorin and their mother’s raised voices led the way.

Once in the kitchen, Fili halted. Again the kitchen table lay between the volley of words sent back and forth between their uncle and mother.

“No, I’ve made my decision,” Thorin said.

“That’s not fair. You agreed with me!” their mother countered.

Kili came to Fili’s side and grabbed his arm. He’d dressed as Fili had, in light leggings and a loose shirt. His hair hung loose around his shoulders in beautiful waves, but his face looked stricken. “He’s going to make you leave here, Thorin said as much.”

“What?” Fili didn’t anticipate that from Thorin’s parting words. He expected a negotiation, not an order.

Thorin shook his head, still staring down his sister. “I agreed that my point could be proven, that’s all.”

“Either way, we’ll have our answer. Separate them and we’ll know.”

Why did everyone insist on talking in riddles? Fili stepped forward. “Know what?”

Thorin looked at him. “The nature of your bond.”

Fili frowned. “What?”

But their mother slammed her hands down on the tabletop. Both Kili and Fili startled. “No more, Throin! Take Fili with you on the quest. It’s all we need.”

Thorin folded his arms across his chest. “No, I want both lads for the quest. It’s their heritage. It’s Erebor. They belong with me.”

“I do not want Kili going. He’s building a life here, if it’s isn’t already ruined with Master Hogar.” Their mother swung her arm wide and pointed towards the door, as if to the forge itself.

Kili stepped up to Thorin’s side, facing his mother. “I’m going! I want to see Erebor! I want to fight and reclaim our dwarfish heritage!”

Their mother rolled her eyes. “Mahal, you sound like your uncle.”

Thorin spread his hands. “First you wouldn’t let either lad go, now you’re begging me to take Fili. You’re not even being rational!” Then his voice took a cold edge that Fili felt as if a winter breeze had blown through the room. “When is the last time you spoke to your son, Dis? He thinks you blame him.”

“She does.” Fili realized after the words were out that he’d spoken them. It surprised him that he’d finally said it aloud to her, not just in his quite, sulking moments with Kili. And for the first time in a week, she looked at him. Their gazes met and Fili shrugged as he added,” You do.” Because it was true.

But his mother’s face fell. The anger of a moment ago dropped into sadness and Fili thought she might start to cry. “No, I—“ she said. “I just didn’t want this for you.”

For a moment, Fili didn’t quite realize the room existed around him. To hear her speak to him again, it brought relief, but then—no. How could she say that after treating him like a criminal in his own home? She didn’t want him to be happy? She didn’t want him to feel love from either her or his brother? Fili shook his head. “No, that’s—I don’t understand.”

Thorin looked at Fili. “Your mother thinks—“

“NO!”

Their mother had her hand stretched out, her finger pointed at Thorin as she rounded the kitchen table. “Thorin, you can’t! It doesn’t work that way. You know that! You want proof? I believe in my stance. You know what needs to be done.”

And suddenly, so did Fili. All this talk, these riddles, they were starting to make sense. There was dwarven history here, of old world ways and bonds. Of lovers that can’t be parted. And if they are parted, it proves something. Something their mother must see!

“I have to leave,” Fili said. Thorin turned to face him. His expression seemed oddly relaxed, as if he knew Fili would say this. Fili met his gaze. “How long?”

Thorin nodded. “A fortnight would suffice.”

Fili swallowed hard; he didn’t want to leave his home—leave Kili—but they could bear it. It might fix everything. With him gone, rumors would die down. Kili could return to the forge. Their mother would be content. “So if not your quest, I could do something else. Travel in your place?”

Kili grabbed his arm again. “Fili, no!”

Fili turned to him, pried up his fierce grip, held his hand and squeezed. Kili’s face looked so tormented, but he had to see this was the only way. “Just a short trip, Kili. It won’t be forever.”

Thorin continued. “I’m supposed to meet a representative of Dain’s at the Last Bridge, on the Great East Road. You’d need to leave in the morning.”

Still holding Kili’s hand, Fili looked back to Thorin. “I could do that. I’d speak on your behalf.” 

Thorin’s expression changed again, to one of pride with a touch of a rare smile. It made Fili stand taller than he had in weeks. He was, as Thorin said, of the Durin line and heir and this decision felt as though he had made his first step towards his heritage.

Thorin turned to his sister. “Dis? Are you satisfied?”

Her face seemed wary, however, and she darted a glance from Throin, to Kili to Fili. And then Fili realized: the time wasn’t long enough for her. Though she claimed to believe in her stance, he could tell in her eyes that she wasn’t certain and wished the time were longer, as if that might prove things more. But she also had backed herself into a corner. She demanded a parting and they were giving it to her.

After a moment, she schooled her expression and lifted her chin. “Aye, it’ll have to do. When he returns, we’ll know how things stand.”

Kili shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Fili turned and took Kili by the shoulders. He hadn’t considered how Kili would react when he made his decision, but that Kili would be upset didn’t surprise him. It would be difficult for them both. Had they ever spent a single night apart? “It’s for the best.”

Kili’s face twisted, scowling. He pushed away from Fili. “For who? No one has even asked what I think!” Then Kili turned and hurried from the room. With a sigh, Fili started after him, but was stopped by the heavy clap of Throin’s hand on his shoulder.

Thorin turned Fili toward him. “He’ll be all right. I need time to prepare you.”

~*~

The time talking and preparing with Thorin lasted until the sun had crossed beyond midday. Thorin had already planned to take the journey with Jaben, which came at a great relief to Fili. He’d imagined venturing on this trek completely alone, but knowing not only that another dwarf would be accompanying, but one so loyal to the family, was the greatest reassurance.

Thorin spelled out his agenda and took Fili through his map. He talked of supplies and what weapons to bring—most of which were already prepared and ready for Thorin. Fili would simply fit into Thorin’s place. The talk also filled him in to the quest: a quest to reclaim Erebor. Their cousin, Oin, had been tracking the portends for years and Thorin had been amassing information from men and dwarves who traveled to the East, looking for signs that the dragon, Smaug, still lived. The belief was that he was either dead, or so old that he did not move from the Lonely Mountain and could be overtaken. Thorin had even been in touch with a wizard, Gandalf, who took great interest in Smaug and was supportive of Thorin and his plans. Fili’s heart hammered at what was to come! A quest to fight and be the dwarven warriors he and Kili had trained their lives for!

Everything was set. Except for one dwarf.

Fili found Kili in the yard, sitting on a large log that had yet to be split. He had his smallest blade, sticks for arrows and feathers for fletching. Though with the severe way he drew his knife down the wood, he didn’t seem to be making any progress and a small pile of broken sticks lay at his feet.

Fili sighed as he sat down next to his brother. Kili didn’t look up or stop working the stick, though he broke another one and make a little growl when he pitched it to the ground. Fili leaned his shoulder against his brother’s.

“Kili, please don’t be upset. This is what we need. Nothing will actually change between us. If Mother wants some kind of proof that we love each other and if a small trip can do that—“

Kili snapped his head up, scowling, cutting Fili off. “I don’t want you to go! And if nothing changes, then it’s a pointless effort. I’d rather you stay here and fight for us!”

Fili spread his hands. “This IS fighting for us! This is the course events are taking and it’s wise to concede to mother’s wishes. That’s why Thorin is even suggesting it. He’s on our side.”

Shaking his head, Kili bent over his stick again, cutting at it with harsh strokes. “I don’t care! She’ll see it as a win if you leave. And I’ll be left here to defend us alone. She’ll probably try to introduce me to every single dwarf maiden in town.”

“And will that work?”

Kili looked up sharply again, his eyes wide. “Of course not!”

“Then what’s to worry about?” Fili brushed a bit of hair from Kili’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Kili, I’m going to do this. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Fine.” Kili slammed his sticks and knive into his lap and looked at Fili. “Even if it is the right thing to do, you made the decision completely without me. I’m just supposed to accept it. I told you once already, I’m not a child, but no one here seems to believe that. When does THAT change?”

Fili felt his shoulders tense. He thought of Thorin’s pride in him and of the plans that lay before them all. He thought of his struggles with their mother and the guilt he couldn’t let go. Kili wanted to be treated like an adult dwarf, but he wanted the freedom to pout and be absolved of responsibility and not make any hard decisions.

Even Master Hogur took him for a child by removing him from the harassment that Fili had received. Fili sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “When you act like an adult even when it’s difficult. Not just when it’s fun and easy, like seducing your older brother.”

The slap surprised them both. Fili stared at his brother, his hand against his stinging cheek. Kili had hit him before, while roughhousing or when Fili had tricked him better than he’d been tricked. But the anger behind the strike had never been there before. And Kili had never looked so shocked and devastated; tears collected on his lashes. 

Kili pushed the sticks and knife from his lap until they fell to the ground, choked out, “Sorry,” and fled. He hadn’t meant it; Fili knew that. He was, as ever, impulsive and—despite his claim otherwise—young. Fili figured he let him cool off and then they’d talk. He’d make sure Kili knew he didn’t hold this against him.

“Are you all right?”

Thorin stood over Fili. Fili still rubbed the side of his face and figured a red mark had appeared; Thorin must not have been very far and probably saw the entire exchange. “I’ll survive.”

Thorin nodded. “You’re doing the right thing.”

“I know.”

“And Kili will realize that, too.”

Fili sighed. “I know,” he said in a small voice. He didn’t like being at odds with Kili; it felt strange. Though he accused Kili of being a child, Fili knew he was as culpable as any in pampering his little brother. Kili, when happy, exuded joy like nothing he’d ever seen before and it was utterly infectious. Why wouldn’t you want to fly towards that bright, beautiful flame? Even if it could burn you?

Fili looked up at Thorin. “He’s wonderful and I hate upsetting him.”

Thorin had a wary look on his face and began to speak, to counter in some way—Fili was sure—but he didn’t let him start. “Please, Thorin. I want someone to understand. This has not come easily for me. I’ve struggled with these feelings, but I also know that I have never been happier and the moment it started it felt /right/. We’ve always been close. This just seems…” But words failed him. He frowned, trying to capture this instinctual knowledge inside him with a single phase.

Then Thorin said, “It seems like an extension of your brotherhood.”

Fili let out a long sigh and answered, “Yes.”

Thorin nodded again and sat down next to Fili, where Kili had been. “You do know, of course, that this is for your mother. That isn’t to say I’m not very proud to have you speak in my place, but…she has to know she at least...tried.”

Fili raised one brow. “Tried to put our heads on right?”

Thorin chuckled softly. “Aye.

They sat in silence for a time—silent of words, at least. The sun had lowered in the sky and dusk bugs had started chirping. Frogs sang in the distance. Every moment, Fili was that much closer to leaving on this journey. Yet there were still things he didn’t understand.

“Will you tell me about the bond you and mother keep talking about?”

Thorin didn’t answer immediately; he sighed softly. “She’s asked me not to.”

“Until I prove whether or not we have it?”

“Aye.”

Fili looked at Thorin. “I don’t think that’s fair.”

Thorin laughed, even rarer than a smile. “I told you. You wouldn’t like my answer.”

Fili nodded, considering. “And your answer is that you’re agreeing to her demands?”

“Yes.”

“And how do you think it’ll go? This—“ Fili gestured, looking for the word. “Separation.”

Thorin shrugged, then crossed his arms. “I honestly don’t know.”

Fili turned so that he faced Thorin, frowning, but thoughtful. This was the most honest anyone—Kili aside—had been with him in days. “You don’t think Kili will continue to pine away for me while I’m gone?”

Thorin tipped his head to look at Fili. “It’s not Kili that’s in doubt.”

Fili’s gaze widened. That wasn’t the answer he expected. “What?”

“It’s you, lad. I know you have great guilt because you’re the eldest, that you should have more control, but that’s not our worry. Your mother is afraid that Kili has coerced you.”

Fili turned back to face forward, stunned. After all this time, all his guilt—it wasn’t about him? The fear. The fear in his mother’s eyes. He’d seen that look turned towards him and assumed she feared him, terrified of what he’d done to her baby dwarf, but—she feared FOR him?

“You never considered that, did you.”

It took Fili a moment before he could answer. “N-no.”

“I’m sorry.” Thorin clapped Fili’s thigh. “She has not handled this very well.”

Then that made sense as well, another riddle unfolding. Fili looked at Thorin. “Because of something that happened with Frenin.”

Thorin smiled again, but the taint of sadness was so strong, Fili felt it, too. What had happened all those years ago? It still haunted them all.

Thorin patted Fili’s thigh. “You’re a very bright lad and I will be honored to have you represent me with Dain.” 

And Fili knew that he’d get no further information tonight. Thorin launched into more talk of the trip and small bits of knowledge to add for the journey. He also insisted that Fili take his pony

“She’ll see you there and back better than any guide. She knows the way.”

Fili nodded and realized that dusk had laid over them. He’d be leaving soon. And he had to make things right with Kili, yet. There would be one thing, the perfect gesture, that could make Kili understand.

“Thorin, could I borrow a hundred gold coins?”

~*~

Kili woke, rolling over to drape his arm across Fili—only to grasp an empty bed. He sat up, shocked. He’d never considered that Fili wouldn’t come to bed with him. Yes, they’d argued, but not in such a way that Kili ever thought he wouldn’t sleep with him that night! He’d stayed up as long as he could, waiting, wanting desperately to ask for Fili’s forgiveness. But he must have fallen asleep. Couldn’t Fili have woken him?

Kili pulled on his leggings and a shirt and hurried out to the parlor. “Fili?”

The parlor was empty and he found Thorin sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of mulled cider.

“He’s already gone, lad,” Thorin said.

“But—“

“It’s my fault. He and Jaben needed to have an early start and I insisted that he sleep in his own room. He wasn’t any happier about it than you are, don’t worry. He did, however, say he left you something in his room.”

Kili nodded, then hurried back to Fili’s room. He found it cleaner than he ever remembered with the blankets on his bed folded and straightened and his best leather boots gone, as well as his heavy jerkin and arm guards. Then Kili saw it. Sitting propped up on Fili’s desk sat the artifact: The iron-forged plate from Erebor. 

Stunned, Kili brushed his fingers over it, lingering on the two male dwarves that proudly stood holding hands. They shone as they never did in that old man’s smelly store. Fili had cleaned up the plate, and polished it. The few stones were still missing, but it looked like the hundred gold coins it would have cost him. Though, for Kili, it was worth so much more than that.

He picked the plate up and a piece of paper slid out from behind it. Kili grabbed that instead and trembled as he read the note Fili left behind.

_My dear brother,_

_Please believe me when I say I go on this trip for us. Nothing pains me more than to be parted even a moment from you, but I still see the wisdom in proving myself to our mother. If she needs to know how strongly I feel for you to accept us, then I will do whatever it takes to make her understand._

_Please be strong, as I know you are. Even before you came to my bed, I have known very few days without you at my side and I do no rejoice in these weeks parted from you. Perhaps it is I who needs to be strong._

_I love you, my dear Kili, and I will hold you in my heart and mind every second of every day I take this journey. I only hope that Thorin’s pony carries me quickly so that I may return that much sooner to you, my beloved._

_Yours forever,_

_Fili  
Son of Hili  
Brother and lover to Kili_

Kili wiped tears from his eyes. He crawled onto Fili’s bed, laid down his head and read his brother’s words again.

It would be a long two weeks.

~*~

TBC...


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Fili and Kili learn more about their family's history and the lore of the Erebor dwarves, their own story becomes deeper and more complicated.

~*~  
Part IX  
~*~

“Fili, lad. We should be going again. Laddie? Fili?”

Fili stared at the hills of Evendim in the distance. Flocks of fowl soared below the clouds, swooping, likely heading towards an unseen lake. The sun had crested the horizon and bright yellow light streaked across the sky. Fili sighed, frowning, watching the morning orange change to blue.

“Fili, up with you!” said Jaben. After a moment, Fili turned to look up at and then beyond the tall dwarf. He’d already packed the ponies and dumped dirt on their fire circle. He’d even packed Fili’s bedroll. 

Fili rubbed his knees and nodded. “Aye.”

“You all right, laddie?”

Fili shrugged. “Yes. No. I feel...tired.”

“D’ya feel ill, like you’re coming down with summat?”

“No, not ill, just...” But words felt as distant as that flock of birds. Fili shook his head. “It’s nothing. I just feel...out of sorts.”

“Well, no matter, we’ve got be going. We haven’t covered nearly as much ground as we should.”

Fili sat a bit longer. His arms and legs felt heavy and he didn’t want to lift them. But he’d promised Thorin he’d represent him and, of course, he had to return to Kili. Slowly, Fili stood and joined Jaben at the ponies.

~*~

It’d only been four days. Four of the longest days Kili had ever known. It didn’t help that he couldn’t even escape to the forge, and he could only chop so much wood or make so many trips to the market. It also didn’t help that every word his mother said to him struck like an ember against his skin, making him want to lash out, push away.

“It would help me if you could do this,” his mother said.

Deep down, Kili knew she was trying to give him something to do, trying to help. Though, hadn’t she created this disaster? Hadn’t she essentially sent Fili away?

“Fine. Apparently we all do whatever you want.” Kili had set himself at the parlor window, staring out to the road beyond. He watched dwarves pull carts to the market and men lead horses to their farms. Not looking at his mother, he waved his hand at the table near him. “Leave the pots there, if I feel like hammering them later, I will.”

“Kili, I know you’re upset with me—“

Kili spun to face her, scowling. “Do you? Do you know that? Do you actually care?”

His mother flinched and Kili felt this strange conflict within him. The anger still raged, but another part of him wanted to leap up and hug her, apologize for his words. He loved his mother, didn’t he? Then why did everything she do make him want to cut her with words? The frustration crippled him! He balled his hands and growled, turning away from her again.

“I warned you this might happen,” Thorin said. “You claimed you could bear it.”

Kili didn’t turn for Thorin; he was speaking to Kili’s mother, anyway. Kili found the same level of conflict inside him about Thorin as well, wanting to seek his guidance and counsel—to better understand why he suffered so—but also wanted to lob things at his head.

“I never thought it’d be this extreme.”

“It’s a testament to the bond. Where was delight and happiness is now anger and frustration. You know what this means, Dis.”

“I just thought…” But his mother let her words trail. What did she think? Did she think this would actually make anything better? Kili wanted her to explain, in painful detail how anything was _better_ with Fili gone.

“I know,” Thorin said. Kili thought Thorin stood at the hearth, resting against it as he did, but didn’t turn to see. Kili normally would want to watch him like that, tall and strong and a figure that Kili longed to emulate. But he couldn’t face him, afraid of what he might say—or throw.

“I’m convinced of it now,” Thorin continued. “The bond is reciprocal—not that I actually really doubted it. In Erebor, no one would have even questioned them.”

Kili realized they weren’t even trying to hide their words from him. So often of late, conversations were being had without him, avoiding him, as if he were a child. He wasn’t sure this was better; they were treating him like an idiot mute, dumb to their words.

“And is that right?” His mother had raised her voice. “We both know what comes of that. I was young, clueless. Someone should have questioned it! I was trying to do Fili the favor I never had!”

“I understand, Dis, I do. We should have stepped in sooner. I never believed—"

“No, I am not talking about this right now!” Kili heard his mother pacing across the parlor floor. “If it’s true, if it’s the bond, what is happening to Fili?”

At the mention of his brother’s name, Kili turned. His mother wrung her hands, facing Thorin who did indeed lean against the hearth. Thorin shrugged. “I can only guess. A strained soul-bond twists the mind. Kili who usually embodies joy becomes angry. Fili is kind and bright, takes care of others. He might be indifferent or cruel.”

“Oh, by Durin...” Kili’s mother whispered.

“Are you satisfied!?” Kili shouted. He only realized he’d stood after the words came out. He took a step towards his mother, seething. He tried to stop his feet. He didn’t really want to hurt her, but he felt out of control, tense and so angry. “Is this what you wanted? To see me in pain like this? Are you punishing me?”

His mother covered her face with her hands. In his periphery, Kili realized Thorin had moved forward, probably to intercept should Kili lash out further. Though Kili thought he could just as easily throw a punch at his uncle, he was also glad to see him there, ready to stop him.

“I can’t—I can’t watch Kili like this anymore,” his mother said. Kili could hear the tears in her voice. He knew he should feel badly for her, but he only found satisfaction in the sound. “And if Fili is suffering this way as well...” She dropped her hands, wringing them again. “Please, Thorin. Send for him. Bring him back!

Thorin sighed. “I was trying to accommodate you.”

Kili’s mother closed her eyes. “I know, I know. I should have...I should have listened to you.”

“Or listened to them.”

“Thorin, please!” The conflict returned in Kili’s mind as he watched his mother cry. He rarely saw such rivers of tears down her face, and when he had, he’d always hugged. This time, though, he didn’t move.

Thorin stepped forward and put his arms around Kili’s mother. “Dwalin and I will set off in the morning. If we ride hard and limit rests, we should be able to intercept them.” Thorin rubbed his sister’s back. “I can continue on with Jaben as originally planned and Dwalin will come back with Fili.”

 _Come back with Fili!_ Fire felt as though it thrummed through Kili’s body. “I’m going, too!”

Thorin turned. “By Durin’s beard, no. You’re liable to kill half of what you encounter from here to Fili. You stay here, lock yourself in your room if you have to, and be patient.”

“That’s not fair!”

The hard look Thorin gave him then did make Kili stand down. He’d learned and trained by way of Thorin’s words and the mere downturn of his mouth. Some instincts do not go away.

Throin turned back to Kili’s mother and rubbed her arms. “Let me go find Dwalin and set plans.”

Kili watched him leave, even going back to the window to see him stride off into the village. Feeling a sting in his hand, Kili uncurled his fist to see that his nails had cut into his flesh. He stared at the red marks, made by anger and his own strength. Then he realized: he was alone with his mother. He turned to stare at her. Deep down, he knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but he wanted to! Everything inside Kili felt wrong and she’d caused that to be!

She took a step towards him; she held out her hand. “Kili—“

Kili shoved the small stack of pots she’d put on the nearby table. They crashed to the floor with a marvelously awful sound. It was like the sound stuck in Kili’s mind, sharp and torturous. “I don’t even understand what’s happening to me!”

His mother’s face twisted, tears collecting again. “It’s so hard to explain. Maybe you could just—“

But Kili stormed past her, heading for his room. “I can’t, mother. I can’t.”

~*~

“Lad, you uncle warned me you might be piss-poor company, but this is worse than I could have imagined.”

“What?”

“Nevermind, lad. Nevermind.”

It’d been four days. Four long, dreadfully boring days. Jaben had commented again that they hadn’t covered nearly the distanced they’d spoken about, but Fili couldn’t bring himself to care. There were even moments when he couldn’t remember why they were traveling in the first place. It seemed absurd, now, to not have brought Kili with him, or even to have left at all. Couldn’t Jaben do this alone? Did Fili really need to be there? What did it matter anyway?

After the first day or so, they’d mostly rode in silence. Fili sort of recalled that Jaben had tried to keep up a conversation with him, but Fili had trouble keeping his mind on it. He had trouble keeping his mind on anything.

“Thorin told me about you and your brother,” Jaben said as they moseyed along the East-West road. “Not that I didn’t already suspect.” 

It took Fili a moment before he could bring the words forward: “Told you what?”

“That you were _mahkurush nadadur_.”

Fili stared at Jaben. He recognized the Khuzdal words, though never used together that way. _Brother bond._ Was this the bond that Thorin and his mother kept talking about?

“I-I…yes, we are. But I didn’t know there was a word for it.”

Jaben nodded. He sat very tall on his pony, an axe strapped to his back. “It’s an old tradition, lad. Surely Dis would have told you. Your uncle was _mahkurush._ ”

Fili frowned. “Thorin was?”

“Huh? No, Frenin. But that was a _mahkurush namadur_. I remember the announcement, came with quite a bit of fanfare and celebration.”

Fili’s gaze widened. _Sister bond_.

~*~

“Kili! Kili, stop!”

Kili turned. Thorin stood at the doorway to his room, watching him, a touch of horror to his expression. Looking down at his hands, Kili realized why: He’d picked up all the arrows he’d fletched that first day Fili had gone and started breaking them in half, one by one. Why had he done that? He loved his arrows! With a growl, Kili threw the bundle to the floor and turned to Thorin.

“Why?!” His spread his hands, trying not to curl them into fists again. He had enough red marks. “Why am I this angry! I don’t want to be, but I can’t even...” The frustration hit him hard again, stopping his words, and he realized if he wasn’t so angry that every other emotion was blocked, he would’ve started to cry.

Thorin hung his head. “It’s my fault.”

“What?”

Thorin took a deep breath and then closed the door to Kili’s room. “It’s my fault that I didn’t tell you lads sooner. I felt I owed your mother. I was trying to do what she needed.”

The desire to throw things at Thorin’s head returned. “Tell us what?”

“There’s an ancient tradition, going back to the oldest dwarves. Soul-bonding, or _Mahkurush_. It’s an blessed event. Not all lovers become soul-bonded. It’s fated. Much rarer are mahkurush nadadur —“

“Brother bonds.” Kili recognized the Khuzdal words and the surprise calmed him a little. 

Thorin nodded, then he grabbed Kili’s stool and sat. “Yes, they are considered the most blessed, a bond deeper than the mines themselves. You and Fili have such a bond. And it isn’t surprising, because there is a family history.”

The conversation that Kili listened to earlier came back to his mind. His mother had said she was trying to give Fili the favor she hadn’t had. Kili’s gaze widened. “Mother.”

Thorin took another long, deep breath. He looked away, focused on his thoughts. “Perhaps Frenin was meant to bond with me, I don’t know. But he believed he’d bonded with Dis, a _mahkurush namadur_. Only...”

“She didn’t feel that way for him.” Talking about the bond was relaxing. For the first time in days, it didn’t feel as though his heart thundered against his chest, urging him to fight. Kili sat on his bed and listened to Thorin as he explained.

“No, she didn’t. We all looked the other way, I’m afraid, happy to have such a bond in our lineage. But, in time, I realized, she’d become a shadow of herself. Pale, weak. I snuck her away so we could talk.” Thorin sighed. “She spoke of her dreams of having children, how she believed she was destined to be a mother and she couldn’t understand why she was with Frenin.” Throin looked back at Kili. “These bonds do not produce offspring, by their nature. Aule forbids it and no children are conceived. She was devastated, no longer the sister I recognized. The forced bond had been suffocating her. And Frenin…” Thorin closed his eyes, his face shuttered, as if he were feeling pain. “He didn’t mean to hurt her, but he did. The more she resisted him, the worse it became.”

“What did you do?”

After a moment, Thorin lifted his head and looked at Kili again. “I had to separate them. It was like a kidnapping, taking Frenin away from Dis. He became angry, like you. It was horrible to watch, but the bond from his end still had to be broken. I don’t think he ever recovered. When he died at Moria, I honestly think he was happy to go.”

“And mother?”

Thorin’s face relaxed. “She became as you know her to be. It wasn’t much longer after this that Smaug took our mountain. She followed me here, met your father, whom she adored. I think the happiest moment I’d ever seen her were the days she gave birth to Fili and you. If we hadn’t broken the bond, you lads would not be here. And we’d all be much sadder for it.”

Kili managed a small smile at Thorin’s comment. “So, the bond carried to us?”

“Yes, it’d never been fulfilled. You were fated to be _mahkurush nadadur_.”

The edge of anger returned; Kili stood, paced. “Why couldn’t mother see that?”

“You will have to ask her that.”

As Kili turned back to face Throin, he saw the artifact. The depictions! It all made much more sense. Kili grabbed it and handed it to Throrin, pointing at the two male dwarves holding hands. “These images. Do they represent the _mahkurush nadadur_?”

Thorin brushed his fingers over the plate; he smiled as he examined it, testing the edges, pressing his thumb against the encased stones. “I believe they do. This is what Fili bought for you?”

“Yes.”

Thorin looked up at Kili. “He loves you very much.”

Kili sagged, calmer again, and able to sit on his bed. “I know! Please let me come with you.”

Thorin set the plate aside. “I’m not sure it’s wise, Kili. Your anger is beyond your control and I do not blame you for that. But it makes you unsafe.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

Standing, Thorin capped Kili’s shoulder and squeezed. “Have patience and know that you will feel normal again soon. Dwalin and I will hurry, I promise.”

Thorin left then and Kili stared out the window from his room, his heartbeat building in strength again. A man had a stout pony pulling a cart. She seemed ready to bolt, eager to run.

Kili sat up straighter; she wasn’t the only one.

~*~

“Fili. Lad. I’m trying my damnest not to be cross with you. I imagine you struggle because you are away from your mahkurush nadadur. But I cannot carry you up the East-West road! We have a duty to see through!”

Fili stared up at the sky from his bedroll. Jaben stood over him. “Oh, aye. I’ll get up.” But he didn’t really want to. Lying there, staring at the sky, thinking about Kili and their bond—the bond that had a name even—was a far better prospect than continuing to ride that pony. He couldn’t even remember where they were going. And why were they going there?

“I tell you, lad, don’t ever travel without your brother again. This is a sad state.”

Fili looked away and closed his eyes. “Aye.”

Maybe he’d fallen back asleep, Fili wasn’t sure. He thought he heard Jaben curse at him again and he felt badly that he seemed to annoy the dwarf so much, but he also couldn’t bring himself to do anything differently than he had been. He felt so...poor, drained, but he didn’t know why. He hoped Kili was all right.

But then he heard Jaben call his name again, differently than before. It made Fili sit up and look.

Wargs.

There were three of them, slowly approaching from a small hill. Fili and Jaben had settled for the night near a small ravine, under a corpse of trees. The wargs were rider-less and lacked signs of orc possession, Fili could tell that much. A wild pack, most likely, and a hungry one at that.

Jaben stood between Fili and the small pack, his long axe drawn. “Damn you, Fili, get your sorry arse up!”

Fili grabbed his pack and pulled out his blades. He stood, holding them aloft, but the tiredness hadn’t improved. Even as he faced the beasts and thought of surviving to be with Kili again, he couldn’t recall what he needed to do, how to defend himself. Hadn’t he trained for this? He should know this!

The first warg darted forward, then another came. Fili watched Jaben swing his axe down and split the skull of one warg. And before Fili even knew what had happened, he stood with his blade sunk through the other warg’s mouth, his hand covered in blood. The warg fell forward and pitched Fili backwards. He landed on his back and it took him a moment to remember to pull his sword free. His head spun. What was the matter with him? He knew better than this, didn’t he?

Jaben yelled at him again. The other warg was charging, had run beyond where Jaben stood. He came at Fili so fast—he couldn’t think, he couldn’t move!

As the warg jumped, it yelped and shuddered. Fili had managed to climb to his knees and saw Jaben throw his axe. It hit the warg just as it leapt, but momentum sent it flying forward, slamming against Fili’s body. He tumbled backwards, heels over head. The ground hit his back hard, and then he felt nothing.

He was freefalling.

He heard Jaben scream his name as he saw the edge of the ravine race away from him. He clamored for a grip, but everything was out of reach in an instant. He saw nothing but sky then, bright and blue and terrifying.

When his body hit ground again, Fili gasped for breath and it wasn’t there. His chest seemed to seize and everything started to grey. Pain crawled up his body. As darkness shadowed the edge of his vision, Fili had one thought, the only thing that mattered. And he didn’t even have the breath to speak it.

_Kili._

~*~

Thorin hefted his spare saddle onto Dwalin’s pony. It would be easier to take this trip with his own, but at least she looked after Fili. He might switch rides with the lad when they met up, however.

Light was still dim, barely dawn as he and Dwalin packed for the trip. 

Then he heard Dis’ cry. “Thorin! Thorin!”

Thorin turned to see his sister hurrying from her home. “What is it?” Though, before the words were out, he knew her answer by the look on his face and the certainty in his gut.

“It’s Kili. He’s gone,” she said.

Dwalin cursed. “He’s already gone after Fili, hasn’t he.”

“I should have tied him with rope! Durin’s beard!” Thorin grabbed another pack to quickly strap onto the pony. “We’d better hurry. He’ll be riding like the wind and Mahal help whatever gets in his way.”

~*~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense, I didn't know I was writing a soul-bond fic when I started it. But here we are. ^_^;;
> 
> Mahkurush Nadadur (brother bond – “to form a bond with brother”)
> 
> Mahkurush Namadur (sister bond – “to form a bond with sister”)


	10. Part X

~*~  
Part X  
~*~

Perhaps someone might claim that he’d stolen the pony, but Kili had given the man coin for it. He hadn’t actually given the man a _choice_ about taking coin for the pony, however. He’d thrown what silver and gold he had at the man’s feet and as he scrambled for the money, Kili unhitched the pony as fast as he could. The man probably cursed Kili long after he’d raced from the village, but as far as Kili saw it, he hadn’t _stolen_ the pony.

Though it might be true that he severely underpaid for the pony. 

He hadn’t ridden bareback since he was a dwarfling, but leaning over the pony’s neck and holding on to what little bit of shag fur that he could, he managed to stay astride. Kili’s head pounded in time with his heartbeat, but at least the anger had subsided now that he was in pursuit of his beloved.

However, not that far along the East-West road, the pony slowed. Kili urged her with his legs and smacked her backside a few times, but she became slower and slower, unable to keep the pace Kili needed. The anger returned, raging inside him, and he pulled out an arrow to whip it against the pony. Only, she reared. With nothing to hold onto, Kili was thrown and landed like a heap alongside the road.

Groaning, Kili sat up and saw that the pony had trotted off the road to eat weeds. He’d have to let her calm, maybe fetch her some drink and then she’d be willing to continue on with him. Hopefully.

Thorin wouldn’t be far behind, Kili knew that. And a sensible part of his mind told him to wait and travel the rest of the way with Throin. He wouldn’t be happy that Kili had taken off after being instructed to stay behind, but at least it’d be better than riding bareback on a pony that wore out quickly.

But Kili couldn’t wait. He couldn’t stop thinking about Fili and an ache had grown in his chest, building his sense of urgency to a consuming level. All he knew was that he had to get to Fili as soon as possible, and by any means necessary.

That’s when he saw the man, his horse and the little two-wheeled carriage ahead on the road. Kili’s gaze went wide. He couldn’t ride a horse very well, but he drive a carriage! Kili scrambled to his feet.

“Wait! Mister!” Kili ran until he stepped in front of the horse and halted their progress. The man frowned as he pulled back on the reins.

“What is it, little dwarf?”

Kili tried not to sneer. The man looked wealthy, a wide-brimmed hat on his head and a thick, wool cape over his leather jerkin and leggings. His tall leather boots didn’t have a single scuff to them. But Kili managed to give the man his brightest smile. “I need to borrow your horse and cart.”

The man laughed. “Are you insane?”

“Just a bit.” Kili drew his arrow and bow faster than if a warg had been charging him and aimed for the man’s head. 

The man’s laughter stopped and his mouth gaped. After a moment of shock, the man frowned. “Now see here, you little brut. I am not going to bow to some threat.”

“No, you don’t understand. This is very important.” Kili then tipped his aim down and shot the arrow into the man’s foot. That’d put a scuff on his boot.

The man wailed and fell to his side, reaching for his injury. He dropped the reins in the process and Kili took his chance. Jumping up onto cart, he shoved the man until he tumbled to the ground. The man’s large hat rolled into the weeds.

Kili gathered up the reins, then glanced back at his victim. “I’m sorry, sir. But please believe me, this is urgent.”

The man’s answer was a slew of curses and threats, but Kili barely heard them. He snapped the reins for the horse’s attention and hurried on. Fili needed him.

~*~

“Fili, lad, can you hear me? Great Aule! Fili!”

Fili blinked, then slowly opened his eyes. He didn’t know where he was. There were bushes and trees all around him. It didn’t look like the village. He couldn’t remember how he came to be here.

Then he heard the call of his name.

“Kili?” But that wasn’t Kili’s voice. It wasn’t Thorin or Dwalin, either. “Hello?”

“Lad, it’s Jaben! Can you get up?”

Fili couldn’t see anything beyond the bushes that surrounded him, but he sort of recalled the name Jaben. Yes, wasn’t he traveling with him? He had been doing something for Thorin, hadn’t he? Fili winced as he lifted his head, then tried to sit up, but the pain that spiked through his body shocked the breath from his chest. He heard screaming. Was that his own?

Then it all went dark again.

~*~

When Thorin and Dwalin came upon the injured man at the side of the road, Thorin cursed every Khuzdal and common swear word he knew. “Damn that lad!”

There wasn’t time to waste, but he couldn’t let this go without checking to see if Kili had been the cause. He and Dwalin dismounted and approached the man. He sat on the side of the road, clutching his leg, an arrow shaft protruding from the foot of his boot.

“Stay away from me, you damned dwarves!” the man shouted.

Thorin sighed. If that—and the arrow—didn’t clinch Kili’s involvement, nothing did. Thorin spread his hands. “Please, sir, I only mean to make amends and see to your foot. It’s the least I can do for...what has befallen you.” He wasn’t sure he should claim Kili as kin just now.

Though the man gave him a skeptical look, he nodded and let Thorin approach him. Thorin kneeled at the man’s leg and assessed the damage. Kili must have been at close range; the arrow was deeply imbedded. The man had already unlaced the boot as far as he could. Thorin figured he could cut away the rest of the boot, then cut the arrow free. Thorin drew his short blade and reached for the man’s foot. But he yanked it away.

“You’re not going to cut my boot!”

Thorin gave the man a hard look. “Would you rather I free you from the arrow by slicing your leg off mid-calf? Wouldn’t harm the boot, then.”

The man pursed his lips, grumbled something about mouthy dwarves, but slid his foot back towards Thorin. Thorin glanced up at Dwalin, who had appeared over the man’s head with a thick limb in hand, ready to strike for the insult. With a small wave of his hand, Thorin backed Dwalin down, the man having no idea how close he’d come to another injury via angry dwarves.

It didn’t take long, and only a small incision, to free the man of the arrowhead. Dwalin fed Thorin supplies to dress the man’s wound and then Thorin offered him a bag of coins and two sapphires—to which Dwalin nearly balked—as remuneration.

Soon enough, they left the man in the dust and hurried on.

“He wasn’t worth the jewels,” Dwalin yelled as they rode.

“Perhaps not,” Thorin said, urging his pony faster. “But the horse was, as is Kili. But let us pray he’s encountered no one else on the road. I won’t be able to afford it.”

~*~

Kili saw the dead warg first. Then he saw Thorin’s pony and another tied to a tree. His heart hammered harder than ever, so much that Kili could barely hear the creak of the carriage as he stopped. His head pounded with his heartbeat, hurting as he’d never felt before. Something was terribly wrong! Was it Fili? Had someone hurt his Fili!?

Kili leapt from the carriage and drew his bow and arrow. He marched around the site, taking aim at any movement that caught his eye, searching. There was a fire pit, long since gone cold, and a discarded bedroll.

“Fili!”

There was an answering rustle in the bushes. “Kili, lad?” A tall, hulking dwarf stumbled from the brush. He had a sword in one hand and a length of rope looped over his other shoulder. “Am I glad to see you! I didn’t have clue one how to do this alone.”

Kili pointed his bow at the dwarf. Had he hurt his Fili? “Where is he? Where’s Fili?”

The dwarf pointed behind himself. “He’s fallen, I’m afraid he’s hurt badly, but I can’t be sure. We need to—“

Kili sneered and drew back on the bow. “Did you do it? Did you hurt him?”

The dwarf froze a moment, then nodded. “Ah, I see.” He slowly lay down his sword and the rope, then stood again with his hands raised. “It’s all right, lad, I’m here to help. It’s Jaben, remember? You’re here for your _mahkurush nadadur_ , I understand. Is Thorin on his way, too?”

“If he’s hurt, so help me...” Kili’s head throbbed; he winced at the pain.

The dwarf, Jaben—a name that Kili knew sounded familiar, but he couldn’t recall why—swallowed hard. He looked haggard, tired. “Right. See if I travel for your uncle again. C’mon, lad.” Jaben slowly walked backwards, moving into the bushes. “Follow me, I’ll take you to him...well, as best as I can.”

Kili carefully followed the dwarf, keeping him in his sight, his aim ready. They were quickly at a clearing and the edge of a ravine. Jaben stopped there, then turned his head to call over his shoulder.

“Fili?” Then Jaben softly added: “By Thror’s beard, I hope you answer.”

But there was only silence.

Jaben sighed, looking back at Kili. “I promise you, lad, I’m here to help. If you could just put down your bow—“

“Jaben?” 

It was feeble and distant, but Kili heard it. And suddenly his head stopped throbbing and his mind cleared. He set aside his bow and arrows and climbed to the ravine edge, looking down into the brush below.

“Fili!”

Another answer didn’t come, but that had been Fili’s voice and he sounded so weak! Kili spun back around and stared up at Jaben. “What happened? How did he get down there? We have to get him up!”

Jaben’s whole body seemed to sag and he sighed. “Oh, thank Mahal. Are you all right now, lad?”

Kili wrinkled his nose. “Of course I’m all right, it’s Fili that’s hurt!” But then Kili looked around. He’d been home only a few minutes ago, hadn’t he? He remembered arguing with his mother and talking with Thorin. But he’d argued with a man, too. Something about a horse. He’d been worried about Fili, wanted to be with him, and now he was?

“Jaben? How did I get here?”

~*~

Fili thought he might have heard Kili again, but then remembered where he was and how he’d left Kili behind, much against Kili’s will. Great Mahal, what had he done? He’d left Kili and for what? To die on the open road?

They were bonded, as Thorin suspected, and a blessed bond at that, to hear Jaben tell it. It all made so much sense now. But at what cost had Fili learned this?

Again, he tried to sit up, only to fall back against the ground with a cry, his head pounding.

His thoughts began to blur again, darkness seeping in against daylight. Before it all went blank, he whispered, “I’m sorry, Kili, I’m so sorry...” But would he ever have the chance to tell him that?

~*~

Jaben didn’t have many answers as to Kili’s travels, only that he’d arrived with a full-sized horse and a carriage—which Kili vaguely recalled. Not that it made much sense. But he was immensely glad for the horse.

“With your rope and the horse, you can lower me down to him and I’ll bring him back up.”

Jaben shook his head. “He might be badly injured, maybe I should—“

“No! I’m going down.”

Jaben put up his hands as in surrender. “As you wish.”

Kili thought his response seemed a bit odd, but he didn’t ask further. “I’ll take strips from the bedroll to tie him to me in case he can’t hold on.”

Together, they prepped the strips of blanket and tied the rope to the carriage harness. Then Kili tied the rope around his waist and between his legs, Jaben instructing him how to do it best. With Jaben guiding the horse, Kili climbed over the ravine side and slowly began his descent.

It’d been a decent fall. Jaben had explained about the wargs and Fili’s poor response. He’d even said, “You lads have the strongest bond I think I’ve ever encountered,” but not like that was a good thing. Kili wondered on that, too. His trip to be at Fili’s side remained fragmented and all Kili could clearly recall was how desperate he’d needed to be with Fili and how badly his head had throbbed. This bond gave him as many questions as it did answers. To learn of how indifferent and depressed Fili had become while they were apart, it worried Kili. Would their mother use that against them?

The moment his feet touched ground, Kili started scouting. He saw broken branches and scattered leaves near, suggesting something had rushed—or flown—through the area. A few more paces and he saw him, lying on his back, eyes closed.

Kili sobbed and scrabbled forward, falling to his knees at Fili’s side. He heard Jaben call: “Watch the rope, lad, there’s not much left!” and Kili yelled back. “I’m there, I’m with him!”

But looking him over didn’t bring a moment of relief to Kili’s mind. A pool of congealed blood spread out from Fili’s head and his left lower leg lay at an awkward angle. At his right thigh, another pool of blood spread, this one still damp as fresh blood added to the old.

Kili trembled. Should he move him? Of course, he couldn’t leave him there, but would moving him make his injuries worse? Kili glanced, side to side. Was there another way out? This point of the ravine seemed to be the highest and it looked to be miles in either direction before the lower ground was any closer to the East-West road. Kili wasn’t sure there was a better choice.

Taking a deep breath, Kili tried to assess any further injuries. Touching Fili’s cheek, Kili tried to wake him.

“Fili? Brother, please?” Kili’s voice caught. “Please wake up?”

Fili’s eyelids flickered and then he slowly opened his eyes. “Kili?”

Kili leaned over him and kissed his forehead, then brushed away hair and twigs from his face. “Yes, it’s me. I’m here. We’re going to get you home.”

But much to Kili’s surprise, tears began to fall from the corner of Fili’s eyes, a little river trailing down his face, to his hairline, mixing with the blood there.

“I’m so sorry,” Fili said, his voice breaking. “I shouldn’t have left, I’m so sorry...”

Helpless, Kili wiped at Fili’s tears. Had he ever seen his brother cry? He didn’t think he had, not even when they were little darrows together, and it completely broke his heart. “No, no, it’s all right. You did what you thought you had to do, I understand, please don’t cry.”

“I kept thinking, if I didn’t return, how I’d failed you—“

“Fili, stop it.”

“—and I love you so much, Kili. If I’d only had faith in my own heart and soul, we would have never needed this god-forsaken trip to prove anything. I’m so sorry, I will always believe in us, I swear.”

Kili couldn’t help his tears, he nodded, too choked for words. He laid his forehead against Fili’s and took a shaky breath. “It’s all right. I believe enough for both of us. I promise.”

Then he heard Jaben call his name again. Taking a deep breath, Kili brought himself back to task. “Fili, love, we have to move you, but—“ Kili looked him over again, searching for the right words, when he realized the truth meant the most. “But I’m afraid to.”

For a moment, Kili thought his brother had passed out again when he didn’t immediately answer. Then Fili sighed, eyes still closed, and said, “I can move everything, it just hurts. It’s not like that dwarf who fell and hit his neck in the forge. I can feel it all, my arms and legs—Mahal help me—it’s difficult to move because of the pain.”

“Aye.” Kili swallowed hard. “I have to move you.”

Fili nodded. “I trust you, brother.”

Kili felt his chest clench; Fili hadn’t called him brother in a long time, not since soon after they started taking pleasure together. Kili squeezed Fili’s hand to give himself strength, then did the one thing he promised he’d never do: he caused his brother pain.

~*~

Thorin wasn’t sure what to think when they arrived at the scene. There was Jaben with the horse, the carriage set aside, unlatched. But no sign of Kili or Fili and the look of relief when Jaben spied them came with a strong sense of alarm.

Throin hurried from his mount. “What’s wrong?”

As Jaben explained all the events, it made Thorin’s head swim. Of course Kili had become nearly crazed. He must have sensed that Fili was in danger, an extension of an already strong bond.

“Those lads should never have been parted!”

Thorin held up his hands against the clear accusation in Jaben’s tone. “I know, I know.” Without a doubt, Thorin owed Jaben a huge apology and a lot of explanation. Only, not right now.

Dwalin had hurried to the ravine edge to see the lads’ progress. He returned, his face twisted with alarm. “There must be a better way than this?”

Jaben shook his head, but said, “What’s done is done. I’m waiting on Kili’s word and the horse will lift them both.”

“And if the rope breaks?”

Jaben raised one brow. “Pray it doesn’t.”

“It’ll do.” Thorin turned to Dwalin. “You and I will help the rope over the cliff edge to keep it from wearing. We’ll also be there to help them over.”

At the ravine edge, Thorin couldn’t see the lads, but the tautness of the rope suggested much was happening below. Then he heard a great cry of pain and his heart lurched. “Fili!” By Mahal, he should be down there!

“Thorin?”

It was Kili’s voice that answered. Thorin dropped to his knees and leaned over the edge. “Yes, lad, I’m here. We’ll help you up.”

“Thorin...there’s so much blood.” The quake in Kili’s voice made Thorin ill. Thorin took a deep breath to steady his own voice, to give the lad confidence with false certainty if he had to.

“It’ll be all right. We’ll get him up and fix it all. Are you ready, lad?”

“Yes, go!”

Thorin signaled Jaben and he slowly lured the horse forward. Dwalin and Thorin grabbed the rope, pulling and guiding it. The lads quickly came into view. Kili had tied Fili against his own body while carrying him in his arms. Fili had his head nestled against Kili’s shoulder, but Thorin didn’t miss the blood smeared across both lads. The blood at Fili’s thigh seemed to grow as they lifted.

When the lads were within reach, Dwalin held Thorin while he took the brunt of Fili’s weight, allowing the horse to draw both lads over the edge, Kili’s knees finally landing on the ground. They untied Fili and lay him down. Thorin raced through what injuries he could see, assessing them.

“Did he wake at all?”

Kili nodded as he unwrapped himself from the rope. “Yes, he woke and spoke to me and sounded clear. He said he simply hurt too badly to move. H-he passed out right after I lifted him.”

Thorin didn’t even have to ask; Dwalin was there with dressings for the wounds, handing them to Thorin as he had with the man on the road. Thorin found a large, deep gash to Fili’s thigh and packed that with cloth before wrapping it. It seemed to be the largest source of blood and hoped he’d stemmed the flow. The blood from the scalp appeared to have stopped bleeding on its own. And, though deep, it did not seem too threatening. The leg, however, was another matter.

“Jaben. Some large sticks. I’m going to set it.” Jaben hurried off. Dwalin, without being asked, started at ripping new strips of cloth for the splint.

Kili stayed at Thorin’s side, watching intently, brushing Fili’s forehead again and again. Thorin saw that Kili’s entire body had changed—not relaxed, certainly not with these circumstances—but not as tense and embittered as he’d been. Thorin turned to him.

“Are you better lad?”

Kili’s face twisted. “Better? How can you—“ But then he calmed, taking a deep breath. “You mean the anger. Yes, better. My head is much clearer now, but it’s all such a blur. I don’t really remember how I came to be here.”

“Then you don’t remember stealing the man’s horse and carriage?”

Kili frowned. “Not really, I—“ Then the clear sign of realization dawned across his face. “Oh! Oh, Thorin!” Kili’s eyes were wide. “I shot a man in the foot!”

Thorin nodded. “I know. We came upon him.”

Keeping one hand on Fili’s head, Kili covered his face with the other. “Oh, by Durin, I didn’t mean...I can’t believe I did that!

“While I doubt that man will ever understand, it was the bond, lad. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You were coming to the aid of your _mahkurush nadadur_. And, clearly, he needed you.”

Kili looked down at Fili then, gently stroking his hair. “Yes.”

Jaben returned with good, thick sticks that he’d even quickly whittled flat on one side each. They fit well against Fili’s broken leg. Thorin cut away Fili’s legging to reveal that, at least, the skin had not broken and while displaced, the break seemed to be clean. Thorin instructed Kili to hold Fili at the shoulders to keep him steady, then with Dwalin’s help, holding at the knee, Thorin pulled on Fili’s leg and shifted it back into place. The scream Fili let out nearly stopped all their hearts, but soon enough Thorin was setting the sticks in place, Dwalin and Jaben wrapping the cloth and Fili’s breath came even and regular again.

The four of them carefully lifted Fili to the carriage. Thorin couldn’t help but note, though, that sweat had broken out across Fili’s forehead and he looked unnaturally pale. His chest still rose as it should and he took that as a good sign, but Fili wasn’t out of the woods yet. 

And by the look he shared with Jaben and Dwalin, they knew it too. Kili could only caress his brother’s face, relieved to be with him again. Thorin hoped that would be enough to keep Fili alive for the remainder of their journey home, the mere presence of his soul-bonded. His injuries seemed manageable now, but none of them could guess what damage hid inside him.

Though Thorin had planned to continue with the original journey, Dain and the Iron Mountains would have to wait. His nephews needed him.

~*~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mahkurush Nadadur_ (brother bond – “to form a bond with brother”)


	11. Part XI

~*~  
Part XI  
~*~

The road had seemed too rough and too long. Kili spilt his attention between manning the horse and carriage and tending to Fili, as best he could. Large rocks and big holes that shook the carriage made Fili wince or cry out. He laid awkwardly, his head on Kili’s thigh and his legs spread on the cushion. But the carriage seat was small, even for dwarves. If his leg shifted and fell off the seat, Fili suffered. And so did Kili.

Thorin had sent Dwalin ahead to gather Oin, Gloin and his wife at the home. Kili only vaguely recalled cousin Gloin’s wife from their marriage ceremony many years ago, but Dwalin said she’d become a talented healer in her own right and often worked with Oin.

Kili would take whatever support for Fili they could muster.

The closer they came to the village, the more Kili worried. He’d been relieved when he’d found Fili and he’d woken and spoke to him. But since then, he’d barely been awake and he’d soaked his shirt with sweat. Kili didn’t know what that meant exactly, but he couldn’t imagine it was good.

Distracted by his thoughts and watching Fili, Kili startled when Thorin brought his pony alongside the carriage. 

“With our pace as it is now, it’ll be another day and a half before we reach home,” Thorin said. “Do you want to stop for the night, or keep going?”

Kili glanced at Fili and then shook his head. “Long enough to make water, but that’s it.”

“We’ll have to rest the ponies and the horse for a spell, but then we can continue on.”

Kili nodded. He wished they were already there; he wished he could magically make everything right. And he desperately wanted Fili to open his eyes and laugh and tell Kili he fretted too much. Kili looked up at Thorin. “I just want him safe.”

Thorin reached out and brushed his hand over Kili’s head. “I know, lad. I do, too.”

~*~

Kili had never felt so weary or tired as he did when they made the final turn towards their home. His last words to his mother had been in anger and he desperately wanted to see her, hold her. Even for all their trials because of his relationship with Fili, he still craved his mother’s comfort, and perhaps only she would understand how desperate he felt over Fili’s injury.

He wasn’t surprised to see her working on her stones, sitting on the boot stool outside the house instead of inside at the kitchen table. She’d been waiting for the first sign of them.

Just when Kili thought he might call out to her, she looked up, then stood up. Kili knew, without much doubt, that he’d cry the moment she touched him.

Thorin quickly dismounted and intercepted their mother as she started to walk, then run towards Kili and the carriage. Kili couldn’t hear what Thorin said, but certainly he was preparing her for Fili’s injuries. Her face was already wet with tears.

Dwalin, Oin, Gloin and his wife, Serla, all appeared at the doorway, standing, watching. Kili carefully drove the last stretch to the house. 

Their mother came alongside the carriage. “Fili? Fili!” She climbed in onto her knees before Kili could even stop the horse. She touched Fili’s face, stroked his hair, but he didn’t flinch. Fili had woken once for Kili overnight, but his gaze was distant and seemed sightless. He’d taken a few sips from the waterskin, so Kili took comfort in that.

“Oh Fili.” Their mother pressed her forehead to Fili’s and sobbed. “How could I? How could I? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Kili thought it odd that he heard Fili’s voice in their mother’s, apologizing as Fili had when Kili found him. He’d never noticed before how similar were their voices.

“Dis.” Thorin took their mother at the shoulders and drew her from the carriage. “Let us get him inside.”

Their mother stood back, her hand pressed over her mouth, tears flooding her eyes. Kili stayed where he was, supporting Fili’s head as Thorin, Gloin, Dwalin and Jaben all gathered around to lift Fili. Cousin Oin had a small trumpet held to his ear, which Kili thought was new, but not unexpected. His hearing had seemed very poor the last time they’d seen him. He waved them on.

“We’ve already set up everything in his room,” Oin said. “Let’s see him there.”

Kili watched, following every motion, as they lifted Fili and carried him on their shoulders. Kili climbed from the carriage, his heart hammering. “Be careful of his legs!” Kili yelled, though he didn’t know why. Thorin, Dwalin and Jaben certainly knew to be cautious.

Then Kili turned towards his mother. She watched as he did, intent, terrified. But she stood away from him. At first, Kili didn’t understand why, then he remembered his anger and how he’d lashed out at her. She might not think he wanted her near, might think he was still cross.

Trembling, he said, “Mother?” 

That was all it took. Kili felt crushed by her arms and body, but it felt good and right and everything he needed short of Fili awake and saying his name. As he expected, the tears fell as she held him.

“He’s going to be all right,” Kili said, his face buried against her shoulder. “I swear, I’m going to make him be all right.”

“I know you are, I know.” His mother pet his hair as she always did when he felt sad or sick.

“I have to be with him.”

“Of course!” 

His mother drew back, took him by the hand and Kili smiled through the sadness as his mother marched him into the house and to Fili’s room. As he’d hoped, after he first kissed Fili, their mother had become their champion. Without her saying the words, Kili knew she would not come between them again.

They’d pulled Fili’s bed to the middle of the room so that Oin stood on one side and Serla on the other. They’d already taken off most of Fili’s clothing, down to his small linens, and Thorin stood near, itemizing the injuries and what he’d done. Jaben and Dwalin stood off to the side, watching.

Serla nodded as Thorin spoke, then said, “Let me take a look at that leg gash.” She traded sides with Oin and pulled apart what remained of the dressing, tsking as she went.

Gloin turned, saw Kili and his mother and with a little nod, he stepped aside. “I think I’ll check on the lad. I put Gimli to work chopping wood. Good for the arms.” He headed up the hall as Kili slipped into Fili’s room.

The room already had a medicinal smell from the ointments and salves Oin had prepared, ready for their arrival. Kili had been sleeping in this room before he’d left. They’d piled his few things on the far table, atop his Erebor plate. Kili gravitated to it, brushing his fingers over the metal as he watched. 

Serla squatted down to look eye level at Fili’s leg and wrinkled her nose. “Dis. How about you boil up that water we talked about.”

“Aye, on my way.” 

Kili glanced up to see his mother rush away, probably glad to have something to do. He understood the feeling. He inched closer and closer as the two dwarves looked over Fili. He fit himself against the wall until he stood at the head of the bed, then he kneeled down and laid his hands on Fili’s head.

“Good lad,” Oin said. “Lift his head for me.” 

Kili did as he was told. Oin bent over, nearly on his head, to get a better look. Then he gave a little scoff. “Oh, this is nothing. I like to see that. Here.” He then turned and grabbed a bit of salve and smeared it to the back of Fili’s head. He then placed a folded cloth against it and wrapped that with another strip. “Tie that for me, lad.”

Kili tied the strip against Fili’s forehead and realized then that Fili was grimacing. He reacted more with every poke and prod Serla made to the gash.

“He can feel that!”

Serla didn’t look up. “Good. I’d be worried if he didn’t.”

Kili frowned. Didn’t she care? She caused Fili pain and didn’t even stop or lighten her grip on him? When Fili cried out, the sound stabbed Kili in the chest and he stood. “What are you doing?!”

Perhaps, with his behavior of late, Kili shouldn’t have been surprised that Throin stepped between him and Serla. He’d put his hand to Kili’s chest and held him at his upper arm. Serla, Oin and Jaben all stared at him; Dwalin had also arrived at his side. He wasn’t losing control, he knew that; it simply hurt to see Fili in any pain. Kili took a deep breath and held up his hands. “I’m all right, I promise.”

Serla shook her head. “If he’s going to be like that, he can wait outside.”

Jaben coughed. “ _Mahkurush nadadur._ ”

Serla looked at Jaben, then at Kili again; her eyes were wide, her brow up. “Oh. I see.” She turned back to her work and her expression returned as it had been, focused, scrunched with concentration. “Relax, lad, this is how it goes.”

Kili sank back down to his haunches at the head of the bed; Thorin moved to stand behind him, his hand on Kili’s shoulder, gently massaging. Fili continued to grimace, never quite waking, but at least he didn’t cry out again. More for his own comfort, Kili pressed his lips to Fili’s damp forehead as he continued to watch Serla work.

“I can stitch this up,” Serla finally announced. 

Oin tipped his head to the side. “That much flesh? Are you sure?”

Serla stood and rested her blood-grimed hands against her hips. “Aye. Did it with our heifer. It’ll work.”

Kili kissed Fili’s forehead again, not encouraged by Serla’s words, but he’d have faith. He needed to have faith.

Serla explained an elaborate plan of internal stitching and then removing those after a few days and stitching the outer flesh. She felt with Oin’s ointments, they could help it to heal.

“It’ll leave a nasty scar, however,” she added, as she finished her explanation.

Thorin squeezed Kili’s shoulder as he asked, “Will he be able to fight?”

Kili looked up at Thorin. Of course: Erebor. He still had his mind on the quest and wanting Kili and Fili with him. Kili glanced down Fili’s body from where he still sat at his head. They’d laid a blanket over him, after Oin completed all the ointments and dressings; he lay so still, too still. The quest seemed so soon; would there be enough time for Fili to recover? 

Serla shrugged. “The leg is set well, that’ll heal fine. The muscle is intact on this thigh. I expect with time, it’ll all heal and, yes, he could fight, but...”

Thorin gave a little nod for Serla to continue and Kili saw the worry twist his face as she hesitated.

Finally, Serla said, “Thorin, we have no idea how much blood he’s lost. He’s dehydrated and if he’s bleeding inside, we don’t know it. The next few days will tell us much. If he grows weaker, he...he will not survive. If he at least stays as he is now, it’ll give us hope.”

Oin nodded and spoke in his loud, half-deaf voice: “He simply needs to recover. Plenty of rest, water to drink, good care.”

“He’ll get good care,” Kili said.

Serla smiled. “Of that I have no doubt.”

~*~

Days and nights were long. Kili only left Fili’s room when Thorin, Jaben or his mother came to take his place and force him out. Oin had taken a room in town to stay near and continue to change Fili’s dressings and place his ointments. Gloin, Serla and Gimli had gone home, a few towns away, but only so Serla could return with special supplies she needed for the second stitching. They expected her again soon.

Taking care of Fili’s needs was tasking. They lifted his head to routinely feed him water and broth and Kili and his mother changed linens with every soiling, which happened more than Kili expected. Oin insisted this was good. Good for Fili, perhaps, but Kili hardly relished it.

But he promised he’d take care of Fili and so he did. He learned to bathe him in bed and talked to him constantly. Whenever anything needed to be done for Fili, Kili made sure he was there, helping or doing it. When Thorin once suggested that their mother could take more of that burden, Kili barely let the words pass his lips.

“He’s my responsibility. He belongs to me, I will do what he needs.”

Thorin’s expression relaxed and he nodded. Nothing more was said on the matter.

Of course, their mother did spend much of her time with Kili at Fili’s bedside. It wasn’t unusual for Kili to have fallen asleep, only to wake to see his mother there, talking to Fili as Kili often did, telling him of the day’s events, talking about the latest bit of Erebor lore that Jaben frequent doled out.

She and Jaben seemed to talk a lot these days.

Though, this time, when Kili woke, he didn’t find his mother sitting on the stool they kept near Fili’s head, but she kneeled beside his bed, her forehead pressed to his hand.

“Mother?” Kili sat up from the small nest of blankets and rolls he’d tucked against the wall, the place he’d been sleeping for these past several days. His mother lifted her head. Though Kili hadn’t heard her, she clearly had been crying again. Kili slipped from the blankets to kneel beside her. Had something changed? Did something happen to Fili as Kili had slept? Kili’s chest clenched, his heart raced. “What is it?”

“No, no—“ Kili’s mother let go of Fili’s hand to take Kili’s and squeezed. “I didn’t mean to alarm you. Nothing’s changed.”

Kili heaved a huge sigh and relaxed against the bed. Idly, he reached up to play with Fili’s fingers. It was strange how limp they were; thick and calloused like a dwarf’s hands should be, but so floppy. Kili kept expecting him to sense his touch and respond, to take his fingers as he always did and squeeze.

But he didn’t. “He’s going to be all right,” Kili said, despite the flutter of anxiety that he seemed to constantly carry each day longer that Fili didn’t wake, “you’ll see.”

“I know, lad,” their mother said. “But...” Again she laid her head against Fili’s hand, against Kili’s as well where he touched his brother. “It’s my fault...I never should have...”

Kili sat up and brushed his fingers over his mother’s hair. It seemed even more grey than he remembered, more streaks than even Thorin, though she was younger. “Please, mother, we’ve already been through this. You understand us now, you accept us.”

But she didn’t lift her head. “That’s not why I cry, Kili—“ And then she did sob, in earnest and Kili felt even more helpless than when he’d found Fili injured. When she spoke again, it was broken through her tears.

“How could I ignore my own son? My...my first born? I had so much fear...so many memories. I couldn’t only think of myself, not what I was doing to him!”

Kili kneeled at her side, stroking her arm, then her back, desperate to find something that comforted her. “Thorin told me, Frenin hurt you.”

But she shook her head. “It doesn’t make right what I did. I hurt Fili by running away from those memories. Every time I saw him, I saw myself and I was so scared.”

Kili sank back on his haunches as he realized her words and her worries. “But I would never hurt Fili!”

His mother gasped a little, then lifted her head finally. “Oh! No, I know that, Kili.” With a sniff, she settled back to sit on the floor. She wiped her eyes as she went on: “And I don’t believe Frenin meant to hurt me. But I couldn’t blame you, either.” She reached out and grabbed Kili’s arm. “You’re my baby, my darling. I understand now why my father didn’t interfere when it was Frenin. I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking and I couldn’t face Fili while I thought I was letting him be harmed, even when logic told me he wasn’t.”

Kili didn’t move; he let his mother talk and explain. _Fili should be awake to hear this_ , Kili thought, but he needed to hear it, too. He never realized that his mother had honestly thought he could have coerced his own brother! Didn’t she understand how much Fili loved him back?

Kili’s mother wiped her eyes again. “One look at you lads should have been enough, as Thorin said. I had suffered so, with Frenin. I didn’t eat, I barely slept, I hid myself away. I should have seen Fili’s happiness. The sadness I saw in him...it was caused by me.” She shook her head, looking away. “I failed him terribly. And now he’s hurt because of me, because I forced him to leave.”

There was that voice again, that familiar edge between their tones. Kili sighed. “He thinks that’s his fault. That he left.”

Their mother stared at Kili a moment, then shifted back to her knees, leaning against Fili’s bed. She grasped Fili’s hand again. “Oh no! No, my darling, it is I who takes this burden.”

“Mother...” Kili took her hand from Fili’s, mostly to garner her full attention. “What if no one takes any burdens from this? What if we help Fili recover and you see that we love each other and everyone simply lets us.”

His mother smiled and her shoulders relaxed; she settled back on her heels. “Aye. You are brighter than we give you credit for.”

At first, Kili smiled, but then the weight of her words stuck him. He tipped his head to one side. “Did you just say you usually think I’m stupid?”

His mother’s gaze went wide. “Oh! Kili, no!” She grasped both of Kili’s hands and smiled again. “Fili says you’re very wise for your years. He has for a long time.”

Kili nodded; Fili did say that to him, from time to time, especially when they were in bed together. “Well, he might be bias.”

His mother squeezed Kili’s hands. “I believe he might be. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t right.”

~*~

Serla arrived the next day and set to work over her stitching. It took a lot of time, but she seemed satisfied with the results. As to Fili’s condition, she—like Oin—didn’t have much to say.

“He should be out of the woods, and yet... Well, keep your chin up, lad.” She finished with a pat to Kili’s head. Kili didn’t find that comforting at all.

Their mother followed Serla from the room, as did Thorin. They both were plying her with questions. Kili stayed behind. He pulled the blanket back over Fili and tucked it around him. He looked so much more comfortable when he fit it around him that way. 

He hadn’t realized Jaben stayed behind until he spoke. “Have you kissed him, lad?”

Kili startled and turned. “What?”

“Have you kissed your mahkurush nadadur?”

Kili had to think about that. Hadn’t he? He’d kissed his face and his hands. “On his forehead,” he finally said; he’d kissed him there the most.

Jaben nodded and sighed. “I should have spoken sooner. Kiss him, as you would if he were awake.” Then Jaben smiled and backed towards the door. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

“But—“ Yet Jaben didn’t stay, quickly closing the door behind him. Kili turned to look at his brother. He remembered, on the ride home, how he wished he had some magic ability, some small, special thing only he could do for his beloved. But that was a childish thought, wasn’t it? Wasn’t that something from a storybook? A fairytale?

Kili slowly approached Fili’s bed again, wondering on the power of this bond. Could it be that way? With a fluttering in his stomach, Kili leaned in and kissed Fili on the lips. He lingered a moment, hoping for anything, any movement. Then he leaned back and watched Fili’s face.

Nothing happened.

Taking a deep breath, filling his chest and thoughts with will and determination, Kili kissed him again, a bit harder this time. He lightly ran his tongue over Fili’s dry lips, then drew back to watch.

Again, no change occurred.

Kili plopped down on the floor with a frown. What had Jaben been on about anyway?

It wasn’t long after that their mother came in with a bowl of stew and questioned Kili’s frown as she handed the bowl to him. Kili told her of Jaben’s suggestion.

Their mother shrugged. “Jaben knows a lot of old Erebor lore. He was telling me that his uncle was a _gamulâl_. Though he was lost to Smaug.” The last part she said very softly. “It’s probably superstition more than the bond, love, but it can’t hurt, of course.”

She didn’t linger, and Kili set aside the stew. He didn’t have much of an appetite anyway.

Closing his eyes a moment, Kili rose back up to Fili’s bedside. He brushed the bits of flyaway hair from his face. He toyed with the fresh braids he’d put in his mustache only earlier that day. Then he ran his finger over each arch of Fili’s strong eyebrows.

He’d always loved his brother’s face, even as a child.

Kili leaned forward and gently pressed another kiss to his brother’s mouth, then laid his head beside him and waited.

~*~

It was movement that woke him. Kili shifted and felt the ache in his legs from sleeping on them, hunched over the bedside. He groaned as he stretched them out, using the bed to steady himself.

That’s when Fili took his hand.

To feel that light squeeze, all breath disappeared from Kili’s chest. He turned quickly and Fili was looking at him, blue eyes shining, his head still nestled on the pillows.

Fili smiled. “Hello, beautiful.”

Fili’s voice was rough from disuse, but still rang like the most amazing sound Kili had ever heard! With a sob, Kili kneeled up and kissed Fili’s mouth, his heartbeat skipping to feel that kiss returned. Kili tightly squeezed Fili’s hand. 

Kili couldn’t help the tears, but finally they were of relief and happiness. His breath hitched a few times as he leaned over Fili, smiling, stroking his hair, staring at his blue eyes that he hadn’t seen in too long. 

When he could muster words over his tight throat, he said, “What did I tell you? Lady dwarves are beautiful.”

Fili’s smile spread. “That’s right. I forgot, handsome.”

“Better.” Kili leaned down and kissed his brother again.

~*~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mahkurush Nadadur_ = brother bond – “to form a bond with brother”
> 
>  _Gamulâl_ = historian
> 
> The "Lady dwarves" bit references the side-story, '[Bound by Something Greater](http://archiveofourown.org/works/718601)', that depicts Kili & Fili's first time, as part of this story arc.


	12. Part XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I had something completely different planned, but I think the boys needed a bit more comfort to make up for all that hurt. It's a shorter part, too, as such.

~*~  
Part XII  
~*~

Kili thought perhaps he should have rushed right out and told his mother and Throin that Fili had woken. But he didn’t. That first hour after Fili finally opened his eyes, Kili savored all to himself. Kili filled Fili in on everything that had happened: the rescue and return travel, the arrival of family and the care he’d been given, the way Jaben lingered around their mother and Thorin’s frequent jaunts to discuss his coming plans. Every sunrise and moon-fall, every bird chirp that he could remember, Kili sat on the stool, holding Fili’s hand and shared it with his brother.

Then, mid-sentence—talking about something completely trite, he realized—Kili stopped and cupped Fili’s jaw, rubbing his thumb across the curve of his cheek.

“I missed you so much.” 

Fili reached up and held Kili’s hand against his face. “Before the attack, you were all I could think about. I could barely keep on the pony.”

Kili nodded. “Jaben said as much. He said it was the bond.”

For a moment, Fili frowned and looked puzzled, then his face brightened with the memory. “Soul bond.”

“Aye.”

Fili nodded, remembering, his gaze distant. “Before I left, Thorin mentioned it, then Jaben explained more later.”

Kili bit his bottom lip, worrying a thought over in his mind. So much had happened in such a short time, he hadn’t had much chance to truly absorb it all. Kili moved from the stool to sit on the side of the bed. He clasped Fili’s hand and then held it against his chest. “It doesn’t bother you, does it?”

Fili raised both brows. “The bond?”

“Aye. That it was destined to be, not just because...” Kili hesitated. If he said it, would he be putting the thought into Fili’s mind? But whether Fili had already thought it or simply could understand Kili’s mind, Kili didn’t know, but his brother easily finished his sentence:

“Not just because we love each other, you mean?”

Kili nodded and bit his bottom lip again.

Fili sighed and Kili realized how tired he must be; it wasn’t as if he’d awoken from some grand and restful sleep and perhaps he shouldn’t be bothering him with such worries.

But then Fili rubbed his hand against where it lay on Kili’s chest. “Kili, I would have loved you regardless of any bond. Perhaps because of this destiny, I love you differently than I would have otherwise, but the fact remains that you were always the center of my world, from the moment Mother laid you in my lap when you were a babe.” He stopped and swallowed, closing his eyes a moment and Kili nearly kept him from saying more, about to tell him to rest instead. But Fili opened his eyes again and smiled and it was so beautiful, it stunned Kili’s interruption away.

“That you also became the one who made me as happy as I am, who I think of with every thought, it merely feels as it should be. It doesn’t matter why that is, a bond or something simpler, it only matters that you are that one in my life and I don’t ever see that changing.”

Fili closed his eyes again and his shoulders sank, as if trying to be awake was more exhausting than anything else. Kili wanted to say more, to tell Fili how much he agreed with him, but he knew now wasn’t the time.

“You’re tired,” Kili said.

“Aye.” Fili didn’t open his eyes.

“I have to at least tell them that you’re awake.”

With another sigh, Fili said, “Of course. But then stay here with me when I sleep again?”

Kili squeezed Fili’s hand tighter against his chest. “I’m not going anyway, my love.”

Fili’s smile spread. “My love,” he echoed. “I love you, Kili.”

Kili leaned down and kissed his beloved’s forehead. “I love you, too.”

~*~

Kili found Thorin and Jaben smoking in the parlor. Both dwarves sat with their boots up on stools, small clouds of smoke floating above their heads. They’d been sitting and talking for a spell, it seemed. Kili saw his mother through the window. She was in the yard stringing up the freshly washed linens from Fili’s bed. 

Kili didn’t pause in the parlor, though; he went straight to his mother. He grabbed her arm and pulled, beaming so wide his face hurt. She turned to him in shock, perhaps expecting the worst. But Kili figured his face said it all; he didn’t need the words, though he said them anyway: “He’s awake.”

There must have been something in Kili’s step because Jaben and Thorin waited at the kitchen door, their expressions alone asking what had changed.

Again, words were not needed.

Kili wouldn’t let them pile into the room; he didn’t want to startle Fili. But at the door, he warned them how tired Fili was (leaving out the bit where Fili had actually been awake for some time), then slowly opened the door and let through their mother and Thorin. Jaben lingered in the hall, watching.

Fili lifted his head and smiled, though Kili could see the exhaustion had only grown during the few moments he’d been away. 

“Thorin. Mother,” Fili said.

Not to Kili’s surprise, their mother sank to her knees at the end of the bed and sobbed. Fili tried to sit up higher, saying, “Mother, don’t cry,” but he struggled. Thorin came quickly to the bedside and supported Fili’s back, helping him to sit up. He spoke softly, but Kili heard Thorin say, “It’s good to see your open eyes, my lad.”

Fili looked at Thorin and smiled, then made a little nod with his head: he needed to lay back down.

Thorin helped him back, then went to his sister, bringing her to her feet and then to Fili’s bedside stool. Kili stood back and let them have this time. Fili would be back to sleep soon and Kili did feel a bit guilty about keeping Fili to himself for as long as he had.

Their mother wiped her eyes and leaned over Fili, stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry. So sorry, my darling. I did not do as a mother should, I treated you so poorly.”

“It’s all right, Mother. You were upset.”

Their mother shook her head. “No, I never should have—“

But Fili shushed her, smiling softly. “I accept your apology. We’ll talk again later, I promise. When I’m not as tired.”

“Of course, of course.” With a little support from Thorin, she rose and then went out into the hall. Kili saw her collapse into Jaben’s arms, crying again. Jaben hugged her and together they disappeared down the hall.

Thorin lingered a moment. Not once in all of this had Kili seen their uncle shed a tear. Kili never doubted his emotion and worry for Fili, but he kept it tightly contained, held like the reins of a pony ready to bolt.

But there was a watery sparkle in his eyes now as he nodded, clearly struggling with the words he wanted to say. “Lad. You get some rest. I-I’ll...we’ll all talk more soon.”

Thorin turned towards Kili then. He smiled, his eyes still with that little touch of glistening. He grabbed Kili at his upper arm, like a dwarfish greeting. “You’ve done very well by him. By us all, you know that. You are both very good lads.”

Kili couldn’t speak, surprised by Thorin’s words and the firm grip on his arm. It made him feel so proud to have such a compliment from Thorin, a compliment that went beyond his fighting skills and archery.

“T-thank you.”

Then Thorin too had left, closing the door behind him. All the emotions wore on Kili and he realized he felt tired as well. He crossed to Fili’s bed, eager to sleep at his side, and started to kneel, as he’d been when Fili first woke. But before he could settle all the way down, Fili said, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to sit here with you.”

“You’re not going to lie in the bed with me?”

“Fili, your legs—“ Then Kili realized, they hadn’t actually discussed Fili’s injuries. The look of worry on Fili’s face then made Kili sag against the bed, feeling a bit stupid for blurting it out.

After a moment of silence, Fili asked, “How...how bad are they?”

Taking a deep breath, Kili stood again. There was only one way to explain it. He drew back Fili’s blanket and started by pointing at the splint. He and Oin had just redressed it earlier that day.

“Your lower leg is broken.”

Fili tried to sit up and struggled, but Kili moved quickly to grab one of his bed rolls in the corner and propped it behind Fili’s back so he could sit up and see better.

Kili returned to explaining. “Thorin set it and did that well. The bones need to knit, but your leg should be fine.”

Fili nodded as Kili crossed to the other side of the bed. He pointed to the suturing Serla had done. “This is a deep gash where you lost a lot of blood.” Kili hadn’t looked at it that closely, honestly, finding it very gruesome, though it looked much better now. There were black bits of string weaving in and out of Fili’s skin around a ridge of pink and red flesh. But the gash was closed, if a bit sunken from the tissue they removed to bring the outer layer together again. “This will...will take some time to heal. Serla thinks there’s no muscle damage, but there will be a lot of scarring when it heals. She doesn’t know how...she thinks it’ll be fine, but...”

“It’s too early to say,” Fili finished. Kili nodded, then carefully grabbed the blankets and drew them over Fili again. He also took away the bed roll to let Fili lie back.

Kili sat on the bedside stool again. “You’ve always winced when I’ve had to move your legs, even in sleep. That’s why I didn’t plan to be on the bed with you, that’s all.”

Fili stared at the ceiling, his gaze distant in thought. Then he asked, “Kili, how long have I been...asleep.”

“It would have been two weeks tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

Kili watched as Fili seemed to absorb all this information, the busyness of his mind clear in the slight tremble that started in his jaw. Kili brushed a bit of stray hair from Fili’s forehead. “You need to sleep, remember? You’re so tired.”

“Aye.” But Fili didn’t close his eyes. “To me, it all happened...yesterday.”

“I know.” That helpless feeling came over Kili again, wanting so much to take away all the pain, all the worry in his brother’s face. Then he gave a little gasp when something occurred to him.

“I have an idea!”

Kili told Fili to bear with him and he carefully pushed Fili’s bed back to where it used to sit, pressed into the corner. Fili yelped a little from the jarring of his legs, perhaps his first realization of the full extent of his injuries. But once the bed was settled, Kili grabbed his blankets and bedrolls from the pile and remade his little nest at the bed corner near Fili’s head.

Like a darrow, he climbed over Fili until he could tuck into the corner, his legs stretched out across the top of the bed. Then he helped Fili to lay his head against his thigh, propped up slightly with the pillow. Kili arranged Fili’s hair so that it splayed across his lap.

Kili stroked Fili’s forehead. “Is that better.”

Fili closed his eyes. “Much.”

It wasn’t long before Fili had fallen back to sleep. Kili leaned his head against the wall, a bedroll positioned at his back to make him comfortable, and watched his beloved sleep. He idly stroked through Fili’s hair, then gathered a few locks to weave a braid from Fili’s temple.

The last thing Kili remembered before falling asleep himself was that he needed to find a clasp to complete the braid.

~*~

Thorin had heard the bed moving and after waiting for a time, listening, he finally couldn’t help but check in on the lads. What he found gave his heart peace and he did his best to close the door quietly so as not to disturb either of them.

He slowly returned to the parlor, though was not surprised that his smoking companion had abandoned him for more pleasant company. Though Dis had sobbed to see Fili finally awake, her mood had lifted once she settled down and now she talked a blue streak about the lads as little darrows, crawling about and destroying the home in turns.

Jaben hung on her every word.

“Then there was the time Kili realized he could climb Fili like a ladder to reach whatever he wanted. And if he wanted it, Fili would see that he got it.” Dis waved her hand. “Oh, they were a handful.”

“They broke my good pipe, the one from Nar,” Thorin said from the doorway. He’d come into the kitchen where Jaben and Dis sat and leaned against the archway.

Dis turned towards him. “That was an accident! You shouldn’t have left it so close to a cookie jar.”

Thorin nodded. “Of course, it was my fault. How silly of me.”

Jaben laughed, then reached across the table to touch Dis’ hand. “Today is a good day. Both your sons have survived.”

Dis sighed. “Do you really think they both would have died?”

Jaben nodded. “The bond is still fresh, potent. It’s why they both acted so drastically when apart. They share _umùrad_ and one cannot survive without the other, not right now.”

Dis gave Jaben a questioning look. “So it won’t always be that way?”

Jaben shrugged. “As I understand it, given time the bond will find a balance and they’ll be able to be apart for stretches of time. But if it is too long, those extremes will return.” 

Thorin folded his arms across his chest. “You know a lot about the soul-bonds.”

Jaben turned to Thorin. “My uncle wrote a treatise on soul-bonds back in Erebor. I helped him with his research as a lad.”

The soul-bond had weighed heavily on Thorin’s mind. Yes, it had answered many questions about the lads, but it posed many questions as well. “So, how long until the balance is found?”

“It takes at least a year, but usually longer than that,” Jaben answered.

Thorin sighed. “I was afraid of that.”

Dis scrunched her face. “But Fili survived, they’ll be fine.”

“Not about that,” Thorin said. “Fili’s too badly injured. I can’t risk taking them to Erebor.”

The hope that sprung across Dis’ face made Thorin feel guilty. She never wanted them to go. They had always communicated well, as brother and sister, until Oin and Gloin had announced what they’d learned from the portends about five months ago. Dis balked at any talk of questing to Erebor, probably because she always knew Thorin meant to take her sons. 

But at least Jaben frowned at this announcement. “Are you sure?”

“Well I certainly can’t take one without the other, that was made very plain. And I have to wonder if Fili would be safe enough, he could easily be hurt again if not fully recovered.” Thorin spread his hands. “I risk them both by taking him.”

Jaben shook his head. “I suspect this is not news that will be taken well.”

“No, I agree. Which is why I’ll be conducting quest business away from here now on. Best if we don’t discuss it in the house.”

Dis folded her arms across her chest. Thorin smiled as she did it, the same way he had; it was a gesture they’d learned from their father, the mannered way they tucked their hands. “You will tell them, won’t you?”

Thorin raised one brow. “I will, when the time is right.” Dis frowned, clearly disliking Thorin’s answer.

Jaben responded, though. “Whatever you need, Thorin.”

“Thank you. I know they’ll be disappointed. Frankly, I’m disappointed, but I’ll have to cut them from the list.” Thorin mimicked his sister, his blood, and crossed his arms again. “With all that has happened, it’s a decision I have to make. Unfortunately, Kili and Fili will not be on the quest to reclaim Erebor.”

~*~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umùrad = souls (I know, I'm having way too much fun with the Khuzdal, sorry! =D )


	13. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, RL is really kicking my butt and I haven’t been able to do the writing I’ve wanted. I do, however, have this little scene that was in threat of being cut from the next part, so I’ve beefed it up (officially cut it, too) and present it now as an interlude. It’s still relevant to the rest of the story. In fact, it kinda helps my pacing, though that wasn’t intentional. Just a happy accident, I’ve realized. I know it’s terrifically short, but I hope you won’t hold that against me. Enjoy!

It started so simple, taking a walk on a beautiful, sunny day. He promised his mother he would stop by market for her, pick up a few greens. It felt good to walk, no pain, not a stumble or a limp. Fili smiled and stretched. Maybe he’d run, feel his feet pounding against the ground, his hair caught by his own breeze. He leaned forward, ready to take that first leaping step. But then he felt the ground shake and the sky darkened. His heart beat faster and then he did stumble, falling forward. He reached his hands out to catch his fall, but the ground gave way beneath him, crumbling into dust and opening up like a sky breaching from underneath. Then he knew: it was happening again.

“Kili!”

Fili scrambled forward, grabbing at any bit of earth he could. Dwarves and men ran around him; the women screamed. He had to find Kili before it all fell apart, he had to! He’d promised his mother, promised Thorin that he’d look after him. But Kili wasn’t anywhere in the crowd. And, too soon, there was no more ground to hold onto and Fili pitched forward, falling, falling, falling...

“Fili!”

He could hear him. _Kili!_

“...Fili, wake up.”

Fili jolted awake, gasping. He sat up and his stomach lurched, but Kili was right there. Kili held him, talking softly.

“Hey, it’s all right, I’m here. I’m here, _âzyungâl_.”

It took Fili a moment. He couldn’t quite shake that awful, nauseating sensation of falling. Kili ran a cloth across his forehead; he must be sweating again.

“It’s just the pain,” Kili said. “Let me get you more of Oin’s tonic.”

Fili nodded. It’d been less than a week since he first woke—or, at least that’s what Kili and the rest told him. Fili found it hard to believe that he hadn’t responded to them at all for so long. The whole tale felt like someone else’s story. If it wasn’t for the pain in his right leg, he would have doubted the severity of his injuries, too. The last thing he could recall was seeing the wargs in the distance. He had a few vague memories where he heard Kili’s voice or knew a touch to be his, but they were like dreams to him.

Then, a few nights ago, the nightmares started.

Kili sat on the edge of the bed and offered the small bottle to Fili. He quickly drank it down, grimacing as the sour taste rolled over his tongue.

“How did it start this time?”

Sticking out his tongue, Fili made a face from the awful tonic. “I’m not sure. Nothing special like the last one. I think I was in market.”

“Ah.” Kili stroked Fili’s hair from his face, watching him so closely, Fili half wondered if he had something odd on his nose.

“What?”

Kili raised his brow, as if embarrassed to be caught at something. “Nothing.” Then he shrugged. “I can’t help it, I like it when you wake up. I spent two weeks watching you /not/ wake up.”

“I know, I know.” Fili took Kili’s hand from his hair and brought the back of it to his lips. Kili had a small burn scar there from the forge, one of his first days working with Master Hogur. Fili liked that he could kiss it now; he’d wanted to kiss it when Kili had first been hurt, but figured that wasn’t something adult brothers did.

Of course, that hardly mattered now.

Fili let his lips linger over the mark. “I miss you.”

Kili frowned. “What are you talking about? I’m here all the time.”

Fili nudged his nose against Kili’s skin and looked up over his hand, one brow raised. “But you haven’t really been _here_.”

Perhaps it was the effect of the nightmare, a need for reassurance that he lived and Kili lived and blood thumped through their veins. But, just then, Fili couldn’t think of anything but his brother’s—his lover’s—body.

Fili tugged Kili a little closer. And he felt Kili resist.

“You’re injuries, Serla said—“

“My injuries are still there. And they will be there next week.” Fili kissed the inside of Kili’s wrist. “Do you really want to wait that long?”

Finally Fili sensed something beyond a diligent caregiver from Kili; he gave a deep little moan and let himself be pulled closer still.

“If you reinjure because of me...”

“I just want to touch you, Kili, nothing strenuous, I promise.”

Fili wished he could pull Kili against him, pin him to the bed and do the things he’d been dreaming about. At times, he had wisps of desire before the nightmare took over, thoughts he would censor whenever asked “How did it start?” by someone other than Kili. Being woken from a twistedly erotic nightmare by his mother was an experience Fili hoped never to repeat.

But Kili wasn’t wrong about his injuries. They kept him from moving as he wanted; the threat of pain pinned him in place. 

Other things could be done, however.

“Come here.” Fili drew Kili astride his lap, though Kili still hesitated.

“Are you sure? I’m not on your gash, am I?”

“Kili!” Fili paused and closed his eyes, his frustration taking hold for a moment. He took a deep breath, then tapped his fingers against Kili’s chin, turning his head back around. “Trust me,” he said when their gazes met.

Kili smiled and nodded; Fili could see the lust burning behind those dark eyes. Though Kili had taken to the role of nursemaid very well, Fili knew his passionate little brother still lived and breathed beneath this exterior.

And it was that dwarf Fili desperately wanted to see.

He started simple, a little rubbing through Kili’s clothes, leaning forward to place kisses along his neck. Kili rewarded him with another low moan.

“Durin, Fili...you’re right...I’ve missed this.”

Fili made a little noise of agreement as he mouthed along Kili’s jaw and then took his sweet mouth in a deep kiss.

They’d shared a few kisses, nice ones, since Fili awoke. But they were so rarely alone, plus Fili figured Kili held himself back out of fear of hurting Fili, or starting something that Fili couldn’t finish.

And there had been many moments where Fili was glad the kisses had ended where they had, too tired to do anything more.

But not tonight. Not after yet another nightmare that made everything feel awful and alive at the same time. And it seemed Kili felt the same. Kili shifted forward and Fili felt his hardness press against his own, then Kili ground his hips a bit harder. The sensation shot through Fili like a thousand fiery arrows had pierced his body. He gasped, pulling him back from the kiss, panting from the simple touch.

Great Durin, it’d been so long...

Kili chuckled. “I, at least, have been taking care of myself during this difficult time. You’re going to explode, aren’t you.”

Still holding his breath, Fili nodded. He was afraid to move and completely spoil it all too soon.

With a rough shove, Kili pulled down the front of Fili’s leggings and gripped his arousal. “Then go.” Kili leaned forward again, kissed Fili hard and worked his hand up and down, fast and intense. Fili cried out into the kiss, his body throbbing from a near blinding climax. It had come very quickly.

Kili finished him with a few gentle strokes, then carefully tucked everything in its place and laced up his leggings again. Fili had to lay back against the pillow, his head spinning; Kili still straddled his lap.

Kili grinned. “Feel better?”

For a moment, Fili meant to gasp out, “yes,” but then he realized this wasn’t completely what he’d wanted. So, he shook his head.

“No.”

“No?”

Fili tipped his chin towards Kili’s still apparent arousal. “I want to see you go.”

“Ah.” Kili rose up onto his knees and edged forward until he straddled Fili’s chest. “Is this all right?”

Fili nodded, smiling.

Kili then slowly worked open his own leggings, pulling each tie apart with a dedication that Fili had only seen when he drew his knife against his arrows, perfecting the shaft. Frankly, it wasn’t fast enough.

“Kili...”

But Fili couldn’t miss Kili’s enjoyment in the torment, grinning as he pushed the leggings from his hips and exposing himself, then stroking his sex.

Yet that wasn’t quite what Fili wanted, either. “No, like you said, you’ve been doing this already. It’s my turn.”

Nothing Fili could ever think of matched the beauty of Kili’s face in full passionate arousal. His lips parted and his eyes hooded and he breathed with his tongue just barely touching the tips of his teeth. His ecstasy played across his face in a way that took Fili’s breath away, each and every time. He would never tire of the sight.

Kili moaned as he pressed his hips forward into Fili’s grip, and Fili took his motions as slow as Kili had taken to untying his laces.

“Fili...” Now it was Kili’s turn to whine, needful, ready. Fili smiled as he slowed his strokes a bit more, but pressing his thumb along the underside of Kili’s cock to make his gasp.

It didn’t take Kili long to climax, either. Taking care of yourself still paled to being touched by the one you love.

Fili figured they should probably take more time to clean and straighten and make themselves decent because, since Fili’s injuries, he found privacy to be a completely rare thing. Anyone could walk in at any time and did.

But his exhaustion came thundering back and for as much as he wanted to lie there holding his brother, kissing his beautiful face, Fili felt himself drifting off.

Then Fili felt Kili start to climb up. He held on tighter. “Please don’t go.”

Kili pressed a kiss to Fili’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to lay on your better side.”

His left side. His left leg was healing well and didn’t give nearly problems that his right leg did. His right leg was another matter altogether.

“All right.”

Kili nestled along his side, pillowing his head against Fili’s chest. Fili wrapped his arm around Kili’s shoulders and held him close, taking a deep breath of the rare sense of normality. This, he thought, would do much to keep any further nightmares away; he could sleep peacefully like this.

But that wasn’t true. Too soon, the pain would be back and so would his dark dreams. At least Kili would be there to chase them away again.

~*~

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _âzyungâl_ = [the] lover


	14. Part XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!! Sorry this took so long, but I should be back on track now (life and work getting in the way of fandom time, dammit!). Also, I didn't know when I started this whole thing, that I was going to be putting Fili though hell. Oops? =D

~*~

He’d never worked so hard in his life. For as long as he could remember, Fili had trained with Dwalin and Thorin, swinging blades and throwing axes. He’d learned the bow, but never had the natural talent at it that Kili did. But he’d done everything asked of him: survival training, strategy, sword fighting, hand to hand combat.

It all paled compared to this.

“Do five more, then that’s it. Only five.”

Fili pushed his feet against a board rigged with pulleys and weights, building strength in his thighs. His legs burned and he grimaced, fighting through the push; Dwalin must have added another weight to the rig. 

The contraption had been put together by Bifur, Bofur’s cousin. Fili had never met Bofur’s family before, though Bifur seemed particularly odd. It wasn’t just the axe in his head or the limitation of language to only khuzdal—there was just something a little _off_ in his eyes. But nonetheless, he was brilliant at building and the pieces he’d put together to help Fili re-train had been invaluable.

Kili coached him on, Dwalin and Jaben not far away, watching. If it hadn’t been for all three of them, Fili knew he wouldn’t have made as much progress as he had. They pushed him; they fought with him. Thorin, however, was another matter. Fili hadn’t seen much of his uncle lately. Though, if it hadn’t been for what Thorin told him, Fili wouldn’t be working this hard anyway.

It’d started about a month ago. The dreams were at their worst, the pain in his right thigh had exceeded even his imagined fears. He could barely bring himself to climb from bed most days. Kili and his mother stayed at his side, pressing him to eat, giving him Oin’s tonic when he asked. Though he’d started to wonder, by the look on Kili’s face, if he asked too often.

Mother, however, never hesitated.

“Of course, dear, let’s have you be comfortable, at least.”

Fili took the vial and hesitated. He’d be asleep soon after taking it and Kili wasn’t there. He’d left a few hours ago and hadn’t returned yet. Was he doing something for Mother? Had he gone to see Thorin? He’d have to leave the house to do that; Thorin had become even more scarce than usual. But why did it take him so long?

“He’ll be here when you wake, don’t fret so. Drink up.”

Fili sighed. He must be terribly transparent these days, his life a set ritual of an invalid: bed-baths and meals on trays and pain and sleep. Of course his mother would know where his thoughts lay.

With a nod, Fili downed the tonic, handed off the bottle to his mother, then lay back against the pillows. His leg hurt so badly, a spasm of the muscle, that he welcomed sleep when it came. Even if it brought the nightmares.

Kili’s presence didn’t keep those dreams away anymore.

~*~

Fili woke to voices talking softly, but near.

“Well, darling, it’s probably for the best.”

“Did you know his plans?”

Their mother didn’t answer right away. Fili imagined he could see the stubbornness in her face before she answered: “He may have mentioned it—“

Kili cut right in. “And you’re happy.” Kili, though, sounded far off from happy.

“As I said, it’s for the best. Fili would never be up for it.”

Fili had grown tired of conversations about him that didn’t involve him, though they still happened every day. Not this time, though; not if he could help it. He forced open his eyes, his vision fuzzy from the medication, and winced as he turned toward them. “Fili wouldn’t be up for what?”

For a moment, no one spoke and that brought Fili awake much faster than usual. He levered himself up against the pillows, dragging his pathetic right leg as he did so. Kili came to his side, taking his arm and helping him.

Settled, Fili looked at them again. His mother seemed worried; Kili wasn’t meeting his gaze. Kili never did that.

“Up for _what_?”

“Nothing, dear.” His mother smiled and reached over to probably brush hair from his brow. But Fili gently pushed her hand away. 

“That’s a lie.”

“I think you—“

“Mother.” Kili cut her off, though with a smile. “Thorin’s still here. I imagine he’d enjoy a warm meade.”

Their mother sighed, but then nodded and answered Kili’s smile with her own. “Of course he would.” She leaned forward and kissed Fili’s forehead. Before she could pull away, Fili took her hand and squeezed. He hadn’t meant to snap at her, not really; she did so much for him every day and he appreciated it. He probably didn’t say that enough. Though by the smile his mother graced him before she left, he suspected she knew.

Once the bedroom door closed, Kili pulled up the stool and sat at Fili’s bedside. He spent much of his time there, on that stool, talking with Fili, holding his hand. With his apprenticeship gone, he had little else to do, honestly. Except train. Though even that seemed to be less often than before. Until this moment, Fili hadn’t noticed how infrequently Kili left to go train, and he frowned to himself that he’d let that detail slip him by. Why wasn’t Kili training?

Kili took Fili’s hand and drew his fingers across his palm, as if studying it like a map. It kind of tickled, but Fili didn’t let on. Something deep was brewing behind those brown eyes he adored and Fili didn’t want to distract with something trivial. They had very little privacy these days. Between Oin and Serla’s visits, and Mother’s help and Jaben’s talks, Fili very rarely had moments alone with Kili.

Yet, as his unease at Kili’s silence grew, he wondered if this moment wasn’t going to end up being more painful than his leg.

Finally, Fili couldn’t take the wait anymore. “Say it, Kili. Whatever it is. Unless it’s you telling me you’re leaving me, I can handle it.”

“I would never leave you.”

Fili closed his hand over Kili’s and squeezed. “I know.”

“That’s actually the problem.”

A wave of nausea swept through Fili’s gut, not unlike Oin’s tonic on an empty stomach, but he knew it wasn’t as simple as that. “What?”

Kili took a deep breath. “Thorin is going ahead with his plans for Erebor.”

Fili jerked his head back a little, surprised. “Oh. I thought they were on hold, since the accident.”

Kili slowly nodded. He still didn’t quite meet Fili’s eyes, instead glancing about the room as he spoke, finally settling his gaze on Fili’s legs—his right leg, perhaps. “So did I. But they’re not. They haven’t been. He’s amassed an entire company. About thirty dwarves, more expected, too. He’s even been talking to a wizard.”

“But...” Fili sorted this news through his mind. What was Thorin’s time-frame if he already had a company gathered? Very soon? And why is this news to Kili? “Have you gone to any meetings for this?”

Kili shook his head and glanced towards the window. Fili finally grew tired of Kili’s wandering attention. He took him by the chin and held his face forward, meeting his gaze at last. “Are you trying to tell me we’re not included in his plans?”

Kili’s eyes were so sad as he said, “He doesn’t plan to take us.”

“Because of me.” It wasn’t a question and Kili didn’t have to answer for Fili to know the truth. “And you can’t go.”

Kili nodded. “Because we can’t be parted.”

The bond.

Perhaps what he should have felt was sadness or disappointment—or even, as he would later reflect, shame—but anger coursed through him instead, fiery anger, like the blaze that had stolen Erebor from the family to start!

“Where is Thorin now?”

“Uh, he was in the kitchen, but—what are you going do to?”

It hurt. It hurt more than even the fresh injury, Fili swore, but he reached down to the floor and pulled two sticks from under the bed. They weren’t sticks exactly; they were the braces Bofur had made him early on in his recovery, but walking with them had proven to be too difficult. 

Fili dragged his leg over the side of the bed and pulled the braces onto his arms. They worked like extra legs, guided by Fili’s hands. With a cry of pain, Fili drew himself up to stand.

“Fili, it’s going to be all right, don’t be so rash!”

“Open the door, Kili.”

Kili hesitated, but then opened the door to the hallway. Using his good leg and the braces, Fili slowly dragged himself to the parlor. He found Thorin where he expected, sitting at the kitchen table, a mug in his hand. Their mother sat across from him, beside Jaben. The three seemed to be quietly, pleasantly, talking with Thorin, as if he hadn’t just betrayed his own blood!

Their mother noticed Fili first and stood, eyes wide. “By Mahal, Fili! You’re standing!”

But all Fili could see was his uncle. “How dare you!”

Thorin slowly stood as well and crossed his arms over his chest. Hunched as he was with the braces, Fili thought Thorin looked impossibly tall just then, like a man or, worse yet, an elf.

“How dare I what?” Thorin asked, his voice tempered and cool, lacking the warmth Fili usually knew.

“You promised us this quest! To reclaim our heritage! Those were your words. How dare you go without us!”

Thorin gestured towards the braces, but stayed where he stood, several paces from Fili. “What would you have me do? Build you a litter and drag you across the forest? I think not.”

As best as he could with the braces, Fili shrugged, sneering. “Fine, I’m not good enough, then. But it’s not fair to Kili! It’s all he’s known, training for this. This has been our lives. It’s as if you’re punishing us because of the bond!”

Thorin’s eyes widened, the calmness in his face replaced with anger. “Punishing you? I’ve _defended_ your bond! This is not my choice! You know why he can’t come without you. Your leg is proof of that.” Throin snorted, dismissive. “Your bond. Now I see your bond for what it is. A weight, an anchor, dragging him down under the waters, ruining him.”

Fili could hardly believe what he was hearing! “Ruining him!?”

Kili stepped forward, to Fili’s side. “Thorin, that’s not true!”

Thorin didn’t take his gaze from Fili though; he took a step towards him. “Tell me I’m wrong,” he said, staring Fili down. “You’ve turned my brilliant archer nephew into a nursemaid, chained to your bedside!” Thorin turned up his nose as if he’d just eaten something sour. “I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

If Fili could have thrown one of the braces at Thorin and not fallen flat on his face, he would have. “I was injured!”

“You gave up!”

Fili clenched his jaw. Thorin had quietly said that to him once before, early on, when they first made him the braces and it was all too painful. Oin insisted on the tonic, though Fili had hated it then, refusing it more often than taking it. Then his mother started insisting and Kili, too said, “I hate seeing you in so much pain.” Suddenly the tonic and the bed had seemed a better bet.

Fili had nothing to say to that. He had given up. He had his reasons, and he figured that with enough time, all things would be better. But everything around him—including his leg—only had become worse.

No one moved, but Thorin. He took another step towards Fili, his face twisted as if he’d stepped into the training ring with Fili, coaxing him on, calling insults to him if that’s what it took. How long had it been since Fili had last trained in that ring? It bothered him that he didn’t know.

“Do you think I’ve not known injury? What of Dwalin? Jaben? Do you think we’ve not known pain? But we had honor beyond that. We fought through that pain and rebuilt ourselves. I tried to help you, but you would rather drink that damned tonic. You are better than this. Or, at least I thought you were.”

The angry heat in Fili’s face changed to shame, embarrassment. He _was_ better than this, wasn’t he? And did the others agree with Thorin? Because no one spoke. Only his mother still watched him with her panicked gaze. Jaben, standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders, glanced away. Kili stood near, out of Fili’s line of sight, but he said nothing. Not a word to defend Fili. Fili thought of the sadness in Kili’s eyes lately, the look he had whenever Fili asked for the pain tonic.

Did he deserve Thorin’s words?

Thorin didn’t relent. “You want to come on this quest?” he said. “Then you have to fight. If you have to fight, then you have to stand. And if you have to stand, then you have to get your sorry ass out of that damned bed!”

It was too much. The pain, the emotions roaring through him, the shame, and the fear he might fall over in front of Thorin, proving his harsh words. Fili cursed in Khuzdal and tried to turn away. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t shift his weight enough and his leg only hurt worse. He soon felt Kili’s hand under his arm, holding him steady as he struggled.

“God dammit!” Fili sagged against Kili, his eyes burning. He prayed to Mahal that he wouldn’t start to cry here and now. Kili put his arm around his waist and held him close, holding him up.

“This is a challenge, lad.” Thorin went on, though his voice much softer than before. “Do you accept it? Prove to me that you deserve to be on this quest. Prove to me that you are a true dwarf of the Durin line.” Thorin paused and then said, much softer, because Fili realized he’d come much closer to whisper, “Prove that you’re worthy of his love and devotion.”

Fili choked back a sob. He did want to prove that. He wanted to be worthy of everything Kili had given up for him: the apprenticeship, his training, his every waking moment.

Kili whispered against his ear. “Fili, you are. Never doubt that. You are worthy of everything and I know you can do this.”

Tears spilled over and down Fili’s cheek. “I—I need to be alone!” Kili had helped him enough that Fili was able to push away, completing his failed turn. He dragged himself forward, pushing with his bag leg as much as he could to carry him faster. In the background, he heard Thorin: “Let him go, lad. Give him some time.”

When he finally made it to his room and his bed, he didn’t have the satisfaction of slamming the bedroom door closed in anger, so instead he ripped off one of the braces and threw it against the door. The racket gratified him and it also closed the door.

Exhausted, physically and emotionally, Fili quickly slept; the blessing being that it was dreamless. When he woke, he stared at the ceiling he’d come to know too well. Every crack and water stain—he’d studied them all, lying in bed day after day after day.

Enough.

Jaben had devised a bell on a string for Fili to ring if he’d needed anyone, on those rare moments he found himself in the bedroom alone. He pulled on the string now.

Kili must have been sitting outside the door, he’d arrived so quick, peeking his head around the doorframe.

Fili swallowed hard, then asked: “What was that thing Bofur said he could have made?”

The smile that lit up Kili’s face then gave Fili a dual pang of happiness and grief. How long had it been since he’d last seen that smile? Had he stolen even more than he realized from his beloved? But no longer. Not anymore. He’d make Throin eat his words; he’d take this challenge: anything he could do, for that smile.

~*~

TBC...


	15. Part XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank everyone who has waited for me to complete this fic. I never like to leave anything undone and I'm glad that I've been able to get back on track and finish this work. Thanks for all your patience and I do hope there are some who are still reading! =D
> 
> Also, I'd delighted to add this art that I commissioned for this work. I know I certainly found it inspiring and I hope you enjoy it as well!
> 
> Art commissioned from [Ponderosa121](http://destiny.ponderosa121.com/): [A Passionate Kiss](http://devbasaa.tumblr.com/post/53877129625/i-am-delighted-to-share-the-kili-fili-fanart-that)

~*~  
Part XV  
~*~

The training session with Dwalin had been grueling. Even Kili had said as much, which actually reassured Fili. Rebuilding his leg had been harder than he ever could have imagined, but aside from discovering Kili’s love, nothing before had been so rewarding. Seeing the surprise on Dwalin’s face when Fili finally made the kind of turn and cut he needed to best him, little else had made him feel as good. As a darrow, learning these moves, he had the confidence and bravado to take it all for granted. Now, regaining what he feared he’d lost forever, Fili knew he appreciated it so much more.

Especially when Dwalin broke a sweat defending himself.

Panting, Fili sheathed his blades and then took a swig from the waterskin he had strapped to his belt. Across the ring, Kili talked with Jaben, animatedly at that. Fili wondered what he was on about that had him so excited. Some news from the latest quest meeting? Thorin hadn’t said enough to make it official, but he’d begun inviting them to the general meetings, if not the same gatherings that included the strange wizard Fili had yet to meet.

When will he have proven enough to sit beside Thorin again with Dwalin and Gloin and Jaben?

“Good work, lad, good work.” Dwalin capped Fili on the shoulder, smiling a rare toothy grin. Fili supposed he’d scared them all with his lack of fight after the injury. But only Thorin had said as much.

Yet said in the harshest, cruelest way imaginable.

Fili nodded as he hooked the skin back to his belt. “Are you going to report back to him about me?”

“He’s away trying to drum up a burglar.” Dwalin crossed his arms over his chest. “No one wants to take up the task.”

Fili looked up at Dwalin. “I /said/, are you going to report back to him about me?”

Dwalin snorted, still grinning. “Aye. I am. I think he’ll like what I have to say.”

Fili shrugged and picked at his blade handle. He needed to smooth out a chip he’d found. “I don’t care about that. I just want him to know.”

“That’s a weak lie, lad, and you know it.”

Fili smiled, but didn’t look up. Kili had accused him as such, too. In fact, only Kili had been attending the meetings. Fili had yet to go. Until Thorin officially announced their inclusion, Fili didn’t see the point.

And, besides, he wasn’t ready to face his uncle, yet.

“So,” Fili started, content to change the subject, “are you staying for Mother’s stew?”

“Not this time, I’m afraid,” Dwalin said as he picked up his axes. “Have a few more things to attend to this eve.”

Fili didn’t ask; he knew it was quest business. Everything was these days.

“Give your mother my regards.” Dwalin gave a slight bow as he stepped from the practice ring. Fili nodded and said his goodbyes, as did Kili and Jaben, drawn from their conversation as Dwalin left.

As they left the training area, Fili leaned close to kiss Kili’s temple. He tasted salty. “Were you and Jaben talking about the latest quest meeting?”

Kili gave Fili a skeptical look. “I thought you weren’t interested in the meetings.”

Fili shrugged. “I never said that. I merely don’t see the need to go.” Then he smiled and nudged Kili with his elbow. “Not when I have you to report back the details so well.”

Kili didn’t look convinced. “Uh huh. I don’t think that’s why you’re avoiding it.”

“I’m not avoiding anything.”

“Fili—“

“Hush, let’s not disturb mother’s dinner with such talk.” 

They’d arrived home and Jaben had already gone inside to greet their mother. Fili gestured for Kili to precede him through the door. Fili could see the hesitation in Kili’s face, that edge of stubbornness that meant he had much more to say on the matter. Fili, however, didn’t. For him, it was simple: Kili could go to the meetings on their mutual behalf; where was the harm in that?

Besides, Thorin had made himself clear, hadn’t he? Fili had to prove himself and there’d been no indication from Thorin that his doubts on Fili’s character—his value to the Durin line—had been assuaged.

For all Fili knew, he still saw Kili has Fili’s victim. And Fili had no interest in talking about that.

Yet he smiled for Kili and didn’t let on about his thoughts. It wasn’t the time or the place—it was dinner at home—and he sincerely believed that Kili already knew how he felt.

Dinner went on as pleasantly as it had been lately. Their mother doted on the three of them, hustling around the kitchen to supply this or that before Jaben finally insisted she sit down and finally join them. Though she’d told him not to, Jaben hadn’t eaten a bite, waiting for her.

And, as most their evenings had proceeded of late, Jaben stayed in the kitchen, chatting with their mother, while Fili and Kili rested in the parlor, discussing their day.

Fili hadn’t smoked his pipe in all the time he’d been confined to his bed and, as such, he took even greater delight now to sit before the hearth and enjoy it, the delicately hand-carved pipe—a gift from Thorin long ago—cradled in his hand. Kili would often sit at his feet, knife in hand, whittling away at his arrows, making them swifter through the air.

Tonight, though, he didn’t whittle. He rested his head against Fili’s knee and sighed. “Dwalin worked us hard today.”

“Aye.”

Kili yawned. “I think I needed that.”

Fili smiled; he’d needed more, but he didn’t need to say so. He stroked Kili’s hair instead. Certainly, his leg would hurt later, but he’d learned from an old healer how to use hot stones and a massage to make it subside. That got him through most days.

The pain tonic hadn’t completely gone away. There were still times when he needed it, but those days were less frequent with each new achievement. His legs were perhaps even stronger than before the accident.

Even Serla had been stunned the last time she’d visited. “Look at you!” she’d exclaimed and then went on to say that her visits would no longer be necessary, with him looking that strong.

Smiling, Fili watched the hearth fire dance. Kili leaned a bit more heavily against his leg.

After another long gaze on the fire, Fili finally said, “I think we should do the exercise again tomorrow. The repetition would be good.”

But Kili didn’t answer.

“Kili?”

“He’s asleep.

Fili looked up to see his mother standing near. She smiled, but it was weak and she rubbed her hands in her apron, though Fili suspected her skin was perfectly dry. Jaben had stayed in the kitchen; Fili could hear him fumbling around. Without needing to ask, Fili knew his mother had something to say, something that gave his mother nerves at the thought of saying it. Though he’d managed to dodge Kili’s line of questioning earlier, it seemed, Fili realized, he couldn’t avoid it forever.

Fili sighed as he looked back towards the fire; he gently stroked Kili’s warm head.

Their mother cleared her throat. “Fili, when was the last time you spoke to Thorin?”

“I think you know, mother.”

“Can’t you at least try? He didn’t really mean those things he said.”

Fili took another slow, deep breath. “I realize that. A t least, I do now, that he meant to motivate me. But, Mother, he was too cruel with his words. I can accept what he did and why, but I can’t completely forgive him.”

“You’ve forgiven me for what I did to you.”

Fili looked up, his breath gone for a moment. They hadn’t really talked about it, not truly. She’d sobbed apologies over his body when he’d first woken after the accident, but other than a few additional words, Fili had never addressed it further with her. He’d felt that the dedication she’d given to his care and comfort said it all.

His mother went on. “If you can forgive me for thinking the worst of you, then you can forgive him for trying to bring out your best. Of which he did.”

“I—“ Fili didn’t know what to say; he gaped for a bit, like a fish. But it seemed his mother didn’t expect him to say more. 

She squeezed his shoulder and smiled, then said. “Well, excuse me, I need to see Jaben off.”

Finally, Fili found words and he spilled them out without completely thinking them through. “Mother, if you wanted Jaben to stay the night, you know that Kili and I would not mind at all.”

The color that flushed across his mother’s face surprised him. He’d never seen her that red, not even angry. Fili dropped his pipe to his lap; this was singularly the most awkward conversation he’d ever had with his mother. “I’m sorry! I’ve embarrassed you.”

At first, his mother simply waved her hands, as if to say that nothing was wrong, though her face did not match the sentiment. When she could take a deep breath again, she said. “It’s—really, it’s all right. I’m not upset. But I—“

Then his mother looked up and met Fili’s gaze and he saw in her eyes something he’d never seen of her before: uncertainty and shyness.

“The thing is,” she finally said, “I’m not entirely sure he wants to stay.”

Fili couldn’t help but smile. He supposed, for her, it’d been many years without the kind of company Jaben provided and, so, there are things she’d forgotten. 

Fili shrugged. “I have to confess, that what I know on these matters consist almost completely with that which leans against my leg and is snoring a bit. But I do know this, that if you give Jaben even a hint that you’d like him to stay, he’ll stay.”

The smile that blossomed across his mother’s face then was completely new for him, a hint of the young girl she would have been in Erebor, he suspected. Plus, she seemed immensely happy; it looked wonderful on her.

“Well, perhaps, I do remember how to drop a hint.”

Fili chuckled. “I have no doubts.”

With his mother back in the kitchen, Fili returned to brushing his fingers through Kili’s hair and watching the fire. He couldn’t quite hear their words, but he knew their mother and Jaben were talking and moving about the kitchen. And he wondered if even a bit more privacy was needed.

Fili nudged Kili with his knee. “I think we should turn in, my love.”

“Hmm?” Kili sat up and rubbed his face. “Weren’t you telling me a story?”

Fili chuckled again as he stood. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Did I dream that?” Kili stretched. “I want to stay here by the fire. We can roast some seeds for a snack.”

“I have better plans.” Inspired by his mother’s hopes for romance, perhaps, Fili bent over and pulled Kili up by the waist and then tipped him back to scoop up his legs.

Kili flailed. “What are you doing? Fili! Your leg!”

“Then don’t squirm!”

Kili settled and seemed to hold his breath. He put his arms around Fili’s neck as Fili shifted him better into his arms. His leg did pang a bit, but probably would have regardless, so it didn’t change Fili’s mind about carrying his beloved off to bed. Kili’s face, however, was twisted with worry; it didn’t inspire confidence, but Fili tried to ignore it.

“I’m taller than you,” Kili finally said. Fili started down the hall, turning so not to hit Kili’s legs against the wall.

“I don’t care.”

“What about your leg?”

“I don’t care.”

“But what about—“

Fili stopped and looked Kili straight in the eye. “Where’s your sense of romance?”

Kili smiled then, his bright eyes catching a bit of light from the parlor. “This is romance to you?”

Fili leaned close enough to press a firm kiss to Kili’s lips. “It is now.”

They both chuckled as Fili hefted Kili down the hall. Kili had to help open the bedroom door, but when Fili dumped him onto the mattress, he didn’t let go and dragged Fili over him.

Kili threaded his fingers into Fili’s hair and pulled him close for another kiss, this one deeper and longer. When he drew back, Fili loved how flushed his cheeks were and how red his lips.

“Now I feel romantic,” Kili said.

“No, now you feel horny.” Fili nudged his knee between Kili’s legs. “I can tell.”

“Well, you do know me better than anyone.”

They took their time with kisses and caressing. Kili kept joking about his romantic brother and these notions he had, but when Fili pushed his hand down Kili’s leggings, Kili didn’t have much more to say after that.

More times than not, it was Kili who lay over Fili and took that role, but not tonight. Fili felt a wild passion inside him and wanted to give to Kili in a way that he hadn’t been able to for months. His strength didn’t fail him, nor did his leg and certainly not his desire. Kili whimpered beneath him, begging him not to stop, but even the most amazing moments do come to an end.

He clung to Kili after, kissing his sweat dampened skin and stroking his hair. It felt beyond good and wonderful to feel this alive and in love. He settled himself in the crook of Kili’s arm, his cheek against his chest. Kili idly twisted his finger around a lock of his hair.

After a time, Fili nudged his nose against Kili’s skin.

“Kili?”

“Mmhm?”

“When’s the next meeting.”

Kili sat up a bit and looked down at Fili; no one would doubt his excitement. “You’re going to attend!?”

But Fili stayed relaxed and rubbed his cheek against Kili’s chest. “I think it’s time that Thorin and I share a word or two again.”

TBC...


End file.
